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If you want to penetrate evangelicalism with heresy, here are 10 things you can do…
1. Put your heresy in a song with a good beat. It will be sung in churches all over the world.
2. Put your heresy in a song with some sentimentality. Many evangelicals like to sing about how mommies, babies, daddies, etc. are the glory of heaven.
3. Appeal to the sinful nature. ”I want to hear how awesome I am; so, tell me how awesome I am.”
4. Appeal to the idolatry of your hearers. If you live in an entertainment-centered society, make sure you entertain while presenting your heresy. If you live in a postmodern society, make sure you say nothing absolute while appealing to the only truth you know: “I’m not sure.”
5. Dress it up in new clothes. Don’t present heresy how previous heretics presented it, instead dress up in new clothes. Present the heresy like a politician does. Use catch-phrases that sound biblical. Most people will walk away thinking, saying, and believing your catch-phrases.
6. Change definitions. If you change the definitions of words, you can sign any document or agree with any orthodox doctrine. You know what you mean, just make sure no one else does. Try to please everyone a little bit; for, after all, when it comes to doctrine and evangelicalism, you don’t have to be orthodox, you just need to sound orthodox.
7. Appear cool, sweet, metro, or simply different from other pastors. Spike your hair and dress cool. Say curse words from the pulpit occasionally. Be “edgy,” a type of “shock-jock.” Be the “Howard Stern” of the evangelical world.
8. Get everyone to like your personality. If everyone likes you, then you can almost say anything. Always be positive and encouraging.
9. Grow the crowd numerically. If your methods produce visible numbers, then you can almost say anything. In evangelicalism, numbers equal success; and success, not biblical obedience, is the goal.
10. Increase giving and baptisms. If you’re bringing in money and numbers, you can about do or say anything. Make sure the world thinks you’re a big deal. If the world likes you, the evangelical church will like you as well.
What are your thoughts?