Bearded Gospel Men?

Karl Marx



Sigmund Freud



Saddam Hussein






Ivan IV


Charles Finney



Just saying…


  1. Bruce H. says

    I grew a beard once and it felt like something was clutching my face all the time. Personally, I like my face clean. It seems odd when I see a preacher with a beard, goatee or mustache because I have always sat under clean shaven preachers. I don’t have anything against them.

  2. says

    The best part about this is the “Related posts” section. Santa and Angry & Divisive Calvinists.

    Well done, Dave, well done.

  3. says

    Do you think yourself wise? Then there’s a donkey inside your waistcoat. Do you think yourself handsome? Then there’s a bernerk in your beard.- Spurgeon (Perils of the beard?)


    “Growing a beard ‘is a habit most natural, scriptural, manly, and beneficial.’”

    BTW… I will grant you that several Puritans had the Ivan IV scowl… :)

  4. Dale Pugh says

    Abraham Lincoln, Frederick Douglass, the Robertson’s from Duck Dynasty, Clint Eastwood (High Plains Drifter), Chuck Norris, Obi Wan Kenobi……..

  5. says

    But did Jesus have a beard? How about Paul and the rest of the Apostles?

    I bet they went around promoting and bragging about beards, too. Just sayin….

  6. says

    Even demons try to disguise themselves as angels of light. It’s a testimony to the power of the beard that these wicked men thought a beard would hide their folly.

  7. says

    Hey now, Ivan IV (Ivan Grozny) didn’t start out like that…

    After a near-death experience, the death of his wife, and years of dealing with the noble rulers (the equivalent of deacons), we might look the same :)

  8. says

    Bearded: Chuck Norris.
    Beardless: Nancy Pelosi.

    Bearded: Charles Spurgeon.
    Beardless: Barrack Obama.

    Bearded: John Piper (His beard is invisible – most people could not handle that much awesomeness.)
    Beardless: Peter Lumpkins.

    Bearded: Chris Roberts.
    Beardless: Dave Miller.

    Any questions?

  9. dean says

    Okay, if we are not being spiritual today I got to ask a question for the cynics – how was Rasputin a lady’s man? That is the best picture of him I have ever seen and I will still wet my bed tonight because of it.

  10. Jess Alford says

    I used to have a handle bar mustach. You should see me after I had eaten corn on the cob. “Well maybe you should not have seen me,” I was a mess.

  11. says

    Some people cannot handle the power of a beard. Some corrupt its noble purposes for evil, as mentioned above. Others, hearken from a nobler day knowing that the beard is one of the Lord’s many gifts to man. It is insulation for the face and scares away enemies.

    Side note: I have been clean shaven one time since my daughter (19 mos old) has been alive. She freaked out & wouldn’t let me pick her up all day. I did this the day before Easter…so, great idea on my part.

  12. Jon says

    It seems the beard has been a mark of the ideologue many times before. I know it was the fashion among many mininsters of the Victorian and Edwardian eras, too.

  13. Dave Miller says

    Two items on the agenda:

    1) I am AMAZED at the traffic this post has gotten. I put it up mostly to annoy a few of my facebook friends with their constant pics and comments about the power and manliness of facial hair.

    This thing has drawn a LOT of traffic here today, by far our most active post.

    That leads me to this observation about the SBC Voices family: you guys are weird.

    2) Has anyone noted that picture of Charles Finney? That guy looked scary.

        • Jon says

          Thanks, Dan. i realized it afterwards but was too lazy to re-post. Yes, it captures Finney seeing with his mind’s eye so that he looks stern.

      • cb scott says


        I have met Christ Roberts and Jared Moore.

        If both men grew breads and posed in profile, both could easily portray a contemporary artistic rendering of Charles Finney in the early years.

        • cb scott says

          That should have been Chris Roberts, not “Christ” Roberts.

          Chris is a nice guy and all, but not worthy of worship.

        • says

          But I already have a beard, and I think you made a typo up there. Unless I’m mistaken, I think you meant to say:

          “If Chris would only use his beard to beat up Charles Finney in the early years, much damage could have been avoided.”

    • says

      That leads me to this observation about the SBC Voices family: you guys are weird.

      I know you are not just figuring that out. The occasional bent toward weirdness is part of what drew me to this site in the first place, and certainly part of what keeps me coming back for more.

    • Max says

      “… picture of Charles Finney? That guy looked scary.”

      Finney fixed his eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. Preachers get that look when they become otherworldly. Lord knows we need more in the bunch these days with that look on their face.

        • Max says

          Understood. Including Finney with this particular cast of characters speaks clearly of opinion. There are lots of opinions of men flying through the SBC airwaves these days. I wonder what God’s opinion is of our opinions? The sad truth is that Christians are divided on many issues. One issue, however, that most can agree on is the desire for revival – which I believe genuinely motivated Finney … but that’s my opinion, I guess.

          • cb scott says


            It is not necessarily a “sad truth” that “Christians are divided on many issues” these days.

            Thankfully, there is division. Can you imagine what would be the case if all Christians thought the same in such perilous times as we now live?

            Hell would have already engulfed the greater majority of local churches and the devil would have easily taken not only the hindmost parts, but the whole of all things rather than what he is getting by with in the present.

            However, let me most quickly agree with you. We need revival and all should be praying for it to occur. . . . and if a “Finney-ish” movement does happen, it would be a far cry better environment than we are presently experiencing now . . .but, that is my opinion

          • Max says

            CB – do you reckon that Jesus’ prayer as recorded in John 17 will be answered this side of glory … “that all of them may be one”?

          • Dave Miller says

            Max, there was one purpose and one purpose only for this post. No theological point was intended. I was trying to annoy all the young whippersnappers who make such a big deal about their beards.

            Most of them do not like Charles Finney much, so I added Finney later. Again, that was simply to annoy Matt Svoboda, Chris Roberts, Joshua Breland, etc.

            I had no intent to compare Finney to Saddam or Rasputin or any of the others. I’m not a big fan of Finney’s methods, but this post had only one purpose – to be a thorn in the side to unshaven young whippersnappers.

          • says

            Did you intend to annoy the old bearded whippersnappers, too? (Come to think of it, though Leviticus does tell us to “Rise up before the hoary head”, I can’t think of a command to honor the bearded. As a matter of face, the follow up to the Leviticus passage says to “honor the face of the old man”, which may be a bit more difficult if said face is covered up by a beard)

          • Dale Pugh says

            I can honestly say that this old bearded whippersnapper was thoroughly amused by this post. It got way more attention than I thought it would, but most of it was quite funny.

          • Dave Miller says

            I thought this thing might draw a half dozen comments. I am amazed at the reaction it has brought.

    • says

      “That leads me to this observation about the SBC Voices family: you guys are weird.”

      Is it a surprise that you’ve attracted a bunch of weirdos?

      • Jon says

        We like to rally around a chief and display our tartans proudly, and our battle-cries are loud. I think the SBC is possessed of a Celtic remnant.

          • Christiane says

            Hi BEN,
            I know there’s a story behind that motto somewhere. :) Feel free to use your imagination!

          • says

            Being a techie, I used Google instead of my imagination. Best I can come up with is:

            “The armorial badge which all members of the Clan are entitled to wear embodies the crest of the Chief’s Coat of Arms with a wildcat encircled by a strap and buckle bearing the motto:

            “Touch not the cat but a glove”

            (in Gaelic, “Na bean don chat gun lamhainn”.)

            The motto’s meaning is: Touch not the cat (when it is) without a glove.

            The glove of the wildcat is the soft, under part of his paw, and when assuming a war-like attitude, the paw is spread or ungloved revealing very dangerous claws. The motto is a warning to those who would be so imprudent as to engage in battle when the claw of the wildcat is ungloved.”

            And elsewhere, the alternative interpretation is summarily dealt with:

            “Others believe that the motto means that one should not handle a wildcat without wearing a glove. But naturalists have testified that handling a Scottish wildcat — with or without a glove — is not recommended.”

            Apparently, the clan is identified with the wildcat, and you’re warned not to tangle with it when it’s claws are unsheathed.

          • Dale Pugh says

            Beautiful tartan. But Ben has WAY too much time on his hands if he would go to all that trouble to figure out the motto. (Nice job, though, Ben!)

          • Christiane says

            Thank you, BEN . . .
            I appreciate the time you took to dig that up on Google. I myself had visions of something far more sinister, from what I know about that branch of the Family. :)

  14. Randall Cofield says

    My beard grows down to my toes,
    I never wears no clothes,
    I wraps my hair
    Around my bare,
    And down the road I goes.

    —Shel Silverstein

  15. Max says

    Proof that hair on the face provides no genetic link or kindred spirit between a revolutionary socialist, sex-crazed neurologist, butcher dictator, mad monk, or mentally ill tsar with one of the greatest evangelists who ever lived.

  16. cb scott says

    I had not noticed this before, but Sigmund Freud looks a lot like Marty Duren. Dave Miller has an uncanny resemblance to Saddam Hussein, while Dwight McKissik is the spitting image of Karl Marx.

    • Dale Pugh says

      Wait a minute… once told me that I look like Marty Duren. Which now makes me look like Sigmund Freud. I don’t want to look like Marty Duren anymore.

      • cb scott says

        Sorry, Duckman Dale.

        It is what it is. Or, in this case, “Y’all looks like y’all looks.”

    • Dave Miller says

      You have lost your mind, CB. I mean, we’ve all known it was slipping away, but now the process seems complete!

    • Jon says

      We’ll have to look into that. I think the cigar cover-up was an attempt on the part of Fundamentalists to ignore the fact that Spurgeon smoked. It would be the best conspiratorial plot to date.

  17. Dave Miller says

    I’m going to officially award this post our “Surprise Post of the Year” bloggie award.

    I took about ten minutes (provoked by some “Bearded Gospel Men” Facebook post) and threw that together. I expected it to get a few views and some sarcastic comments.

    I had no idea, I guess, the power of beards in modern SBC life.

    • cb scott says

      Dave Miller,

      I have been looking at the bearded guys in your post again. I noticed something I missed yesterday. If you look at the eyes, forehead, and nose of Rasputin, you will see a striking resemblance to Rick Patrick.

      I tell you what, my brother. This post is so spooky, maybe you should have held it back for Halloween. I will never be able to look at you, Marty, Dwight, Jared, Chris, and now, Rick without having second thoughts about reincarnation.

      Oh yeah, around the ears and hairline Ole Ivan the IV looks a lot like Tim Rogers.

      This is a really creepy post. Maybe you should stay away from posts like this in the future. Its just too strange.

  18. Jess Alford says

    Is it just me but Chris Roberts beard looks like Prince Alberts beard. You know, the guy on the tobacco can.

  19. says

    Unfortunately, I am late seeing this post… this has got to be one of the funniest comments streams I have seen in a long time. It had all the makings of a classic from the get-go: witty banter, friendly jabs, and Spurgeon-quotes.

    If there is ever a comment stream hall of fame, this must be in it! Excellent.