But since he’s out of the country and totally unable to defend himself, I do have a few questions I was hoping some of you could help me with:
- Did Dave really say, “I’m going to Taiwan?” Or did he say, “I’m going to tie one on?” They don’t call it Miller Time for nothing, and have you noticed he always tries to steer us away from discussing alcohol?
- Did Dave really pack the infamous Gatorade colored sport coat, and if so, does anyone know the Chinese phrase for “Jolly Green Giant?”
- Since Obama and other politicians leave the country whenever there’s a scandal simply to avoid the press, could it be that Dave’s second vice presidency is already crumbling due to leaks in his administration?
- Does anyone really know the duties of the second vice president? Can anyone name, say, the very best second vice president in the 167 year history of the Southern Baptist Convention? Can anyone name the worst?
- Not to be morbid, but suppose Dave died. Would the convention fill his vacant position? Or would we just wait until Houston and try, somehow, against all odds, to survive the year with only one vice president? In other words, are the responsibilities of the second vice president so utterly insignificant that a dead man could perform them and no one would really notice?
- When I was young, every year in school we took the Iowa Test of Basic Skills, and I always wondered why the intellectual measuring stick for education in America originated in Iowa? Given the state of education in America today, is it possible that we set the bar too low?
- Why is it, when talking about Dave, the conversation always comes back to bars?
I can’t wait to hear your answers and comments. In honor of Dave, I ask that everyone please use an emoticon with each response. I thank you. The good people of Taiwan thank you. And most of all, the filthy rich and utterly despised New York Yankees thank you.