“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. (Mark 9:42 ESV)
The above text is actually more about not being the means by which disciples falter, but it can also be applied to being a daddy. It goes without saying that I do not desire the destruction of my children. One because I love them. Two because a millstone seems like a really uncomfortable necklace—especially for swimming in the sea.
If you, however, think a millstone necklace would be fashionable attire here are 10 ways that you can work towards making your children stumble and turn away from Jesus. In no particular order
-
Be an unrepentant hypocrite. We all have elements of hypocrisy. It’s when we are unrepentant in our hypocrisy that it becomes deadly.
-
Display with your life and lips that things are more precious than Christ. The thing you pick can be as insignificant as parking spaces or as significant as a large house. It doesn’t matter. Set something other than Christ as your affection and you are well on your way to shopping for a new millstone.
-
Neglect teaching. Leave it up to the Sunday school teacher, the television, their peers, or favorite musician and you can start picking out millstone colors.
-
Don’t pray for them. Discipleship is a work of God. Your own sanctification as well as that of your children demands a prayerful life.
-
Be silent in times of danger. You wouldn’t let little Sally have a tea party on a freeway but will you let her give her heart to an unbeliever? You probably won’t let junior have a pet cobra but do you let him be saturated with the not so subtle advances of our sex-crazed culture?
-
Be loud in times of pain. Read Job’s counselors if you want to know how best to get in line for a millstone around your neck. Counsel your children with truth wrongly applied and see what happens to their souls.
-
Preach moralism instead of the gospel. Father’s are not only called to teach their children right from wrong they are also called to point them to the Savior. Teach your kid the rules without a relationship and you’ll be sucking down salt-water instead of air in no time.
-
Live in disunity with their mother. You model Christ. Abandon your wife, neglect your wife, dishonor your wife, become apathetic toward your wife, and your preaching a really bad gospel to your kids.
-
Model spiritual independence. If you don’t need the church then it doesn’t matter how many times you drag little Johnny to it when he’s but a tot. Once he gets wheels he’s going the way of daddy. By the way this is a call for more than just showing up at church on Sunday. The word “need” is italicized for a reason.
-
Help them establish an identity in anything other than Christ. Convince them that they are amazing or worthless it doesn’t matter—just make sure their identity isn’t found in Christ.
There you have it. Do these 10 things and you’ll secure your reservation in Davey Jones’ locker.
Actually the word “unrepentant” could be added to any of these. If you find that you have totally blown it—or even moderately blow it—in these areas take heart, Christ is a great savior. Repent. Turn around. Believe the gospel, and make war on these millstone earning behaviors; because faithful fathers also make war!
As one whose youngest child is a sophomore in college, I can testify to the wisdom of this advice.
Good stuff, Mike.
Great tips!
I wish I had read this 30 years ago.
Those are all great, but you forgot three equally important ones: The Bible EXPLICITELY says that you destroy your child’s soul by withholding needed, appropriate discipline/correction. “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death” (Pro. 23:13–14, NIV). “Discipline your children while they are young enough to learn. If you don’t, you are helping them destroy themselves” (Pro. 19:18, TEV). “he will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly” (Pro. 5:23, NIV). “Stern discipline awaits… Read more »
Discipline: yes, you’re right.
Public schools: no, you’re wrong.
Shelter from worldly influences: sort of. And the molestation thing was way over the top and ill considered.
(I’m practicing my pithy skills in this response)
While, I’m sure your second and third points are well intentioned rarely have I seen those turn out well for Christian peers. The world is all around us and we can not be in it and not of it in a biblical sense by trying to separate completely from it. We have to understand the world, why it is the way it is and believes what it believes, but then scrutinize it according to scripture. Rather than shelter children be the first ones to introduce and discuss with them from a biblical perspective all the different things they will encounter… Read more »
Sheltering depends on how it is done. Completely cut them off from the world so that they have no idea what is out there? Bad idea. At the same time, children do need to be raised so that while they are aware of what is going on, the world is not influencing them. That’s the hard part. But as a result, there are things I will not give my children to watch or listen to (which would include South Park and Marilyn Manson. Rule of thumb: if I don’t need to see/hear it, I’m certainly not going to give it… Read more »
Chris, I agree to your initial response to Nick and respect your own efforts at parenting, but I don’t believe children can be raised in such a way that the world doesn’t influence them without an Amish-like separation from the world. I think it is a given that the world will influence kids. Kids will always manage to get around the best attempts and intentions to control what they see and hear (and it need not be intentional disobedience, just peoples homes where different values are held). Certainly, your rule of thumb is good. However, another rule of thumb is… Read more »
We can make kids aware of what the world produces without making it available to them. Otherwise, where do you draw the line? By your reckoning, does the pervasive presence of pornography in our society mean we should introduce our kids to it so they know what to expect? We are to guard ourselves – and all the more our children – from these influences. This is neither dishonest nor apathetic (even the more “monastic” type separation is not dishonest, even if it is ill advised). Yes, the world will influence our kids. Yes, they will see and hear things… Read more »
Actively, showing kids porn? I don’t know. They’ll see it sooner or later. I’m not advocating it, but if they had it I’d use it as a conversation starter. They do need to know the parts of anatomy and their function. They need to know about lust and God’s plan for sexuality. They need to know how pornography degrades women and entraps men. They may even find helpful to hear the testimony of a parent that has struggled with it and what they learned about God and grace and getting through it. And in this day and age I think… Read more »
“”it isn’t as big a deal as their friends make it out to be”” I’m sure there is more to this statement than perhaps was fleshed out, but I was struck by the phrase, “it isn’t a big deal,” in regard to wordliness and ungodliness. Again, I don’t want to jump too hard on this phrase because I don’t think it was meant in an extreme way of accepting and capitulating to culture. I guess I fall on the “prudish” side of the line. I think all sin, “including the little ones like South Park” are an afront to God… Read more »
“”Actively, showing kids porn? I don’t know.””
There are many, many times I have to admit, “I don’t know.”
This isn’t one of them.
“If our faith does not let us deal truthfully and transparently with the world then our faith is not in God.” Being “truthful and transparent” is one thing. Showing or giving your kids porn is another. Frankly Blake, if you use porn as a “conservation starter” you faith is not in God. Your faith is in Blake and Blake’s inflated, egotistical self-centered, self assurance that Ole Blake can handle porn and teach his children about porn and not get burned. “You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, be on your guard so that you are not carried away by the error… Read more »
To be fair, Blake did not say give it to them as a conversation starter; he said if he found them with it, if they had it. And that’s a fair response. Catch your kids with porn? It’s time for a frank conversation. I remember a professor talking about finding his sons with a Playboy magazine. He said he flipped it open with them and started asking things like, “What if this was your sister?” Now, that’s just a Playboy, which back then would be mild compared to most of the stuff today, but it still points to the kind… Read more »
Thank you Chris. Frank and cb, you aren’t even trying to read my words in context or you wouldn’t suggest such outlandish things. When I say “it isn’t a big deal…” that can NOT be separated from the rest of that sentence “I think properly preparing a child for it can in fact more effectively teach them that it isn’t as big a deal as their friends make it out to be and not worthy of the esteem given it.” All of the depraved novelties that exist in the world are tools of the lying one. When we see clearly… Read more »
Blake. We do in fact disagree. I don’t think anything I said was outlandish.
In fact I qualified my comment on your phrase about “a big deal” so as not to take it to an extreme.
Your words about porn were simply quoted as is. You expressed ambivalence. I simply expressed an opposite point of view.
Again. I do not want to push your view beyond what you said. You have a more open approach than I advocate.
You also continue to call my view “fearful and sheltering”. I prefer the term “separation.”
I don’t see that as “outlandish “
Frank, you’re right, we do have a difference of opinion. In my life experience seeing what happened in the lives of my peers and my own life, the definition of separation you and others appear to support (maybe I’m not clear enough on your definition) is one that I can not interpret any other way than fearful or sheltering. If your definition is what I think it is I have seen too many of my friends in high school and college and nearly myself at one point either walk away from their faith or become status quo Christians after being… Read more »
“”” In my life experience seeing what happened in the lives of my peers and my own life, the definition of separation you and others appear to support “”” Blake, I’ll start a new thread. The other was getting a bit long. My definition of “separation” is simply to follow what the Bible says, “Come out from among them and be separate.” I think you are using a stereotype and caricature of “Amish” (I don’t remember if you mentioned them or not) or perhaps the rigid legalistic position of some “holiness” groups. That is not what I mean. In my… Read more »
Frank, thanks for sharing. To be clear I agree with and am trying to be faithful to the Bible’s view of separation. I used the Amish specifically because their concept of separation is too far. I, too, live in Amish country and am aware of the stereotype and don’t consider them to be models of holiness. In fact, to speak plainly, I think they’ve taken separation to such an extreme I wouldn’t consider them Christian since they don’t obey the Great Commission. I don’t think I am being permissive or liberal. In fact I’m advocating being controlling, but of a… Read more »
Chris Roberts, There is a difference between the meaning of this statement by Blake: “Actively, showing kids porn? I don’t know. They’ll see it sooner or later. I’m not advocating it, but if they had it I’d use it as a conversation starter.” And this statement of interpretation of his statement by you: ” Catch your kids with porn? It’s time for a frank conversation.” You are right. Catch your kids with porn, have a frank conversation. And yes, in that conversation, be honest about yourself. A man should always be honest about himself. On the other hand, Blake stated,… Read more »
cb, sorry to be blunt but your exegesis of my words is complete crap. You can’t take single sentences and phrases out of my posts and twist my meaning to say something “I’m not advocating.” I can not imagine under what circumstances I would show porn to my kids. “I don’t know” is me trying to display the humility and honesty I was discussing earlier by not being able to imagine such an ordeal. I do know no one learns to drive by reading a manual with no pictures and no one learns to fight temptation by never facing it.… Read more »
Blake, I did quote your words as you stated them. Blake, porn is like fire. Fire is bad if attached to the human body. Porn is bad if looked upon. It really is that simple. Therefore, there is only one right thinking and righteous answer to, “Actively show my kids porn?” That answer is simple. It is: “No, I would never show my kids porn.” The answer would never be, “I don’t know.” That is a poor and weak answer. There is no other way to look at it. There was no “humility,” as you state, in that answer. It… Read more »
twenty years in the inner city as a public school teacher . . . this is the prayer we ALL had up on our walls by our teacher desks: We Pray for Children . . . By Ina J. Hughes ” We pray for children who sneak popsicles before supper, who erase holes in math workbooks, who can never find their shoes. And we pray, for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire, who can’t bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers, who never “counted potatoes,” who are born in places where we wouldn’t be… Read more »
Mike, I think this is a very good post with some real nuggets of wisdom. I’m sure the issue of “public school” will come up in regard to “isolating our children from society” or “sheltering them from real life”, etc. etc. I know from past experience that such a discussion always divides. I’ve read a couple of posts that are “anti-public school” with the typical response something like, “we are the real Christians who send our children to public schools to be salt, etc. etc.” The take-away I get from your post is that “parents–that is Mom and Dad with… Read more »
Great points to heed.
#8 is part of the oneness of the marriage. Both love and submission have to be exemplified as a way of life. Both husband and wife have been spoken to in scripture of these things. Children are spoken, to as well. “Children, obey your parents” Obedience and respect go hand in hand. Children have a difficult time obeying when we live one way and teach another. We fail in this area more than any other, I think.
After working in the juvenile justice system for fifteen years, I have learned there is a difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment is something criminals deserve. Discipline (the loving kind), is what children need to grow up with respect and love for the Lord. I have been associated with children that have been beaten since they were babies. My friend, if you think the answer to every wrong a child does is a rod, God help that child, because he will grow up to hate God and every Christian. I cannot tell you how many people I have talked with… Read more »
I’ve been reading through the comment thread here a little and found this jewel by cb quite valuable: “Frankly Blake, if you use porn as a “conservation starter” you faith is not in God. Your faith is in Blake and Blake’s inflated, egotistical self-centered, self assurance that Ole Blake can handle porn and teach his children about porn and not get burned.” While I’m not confident that he is representing Blake and perhaps the names should be changed to protect the innocent, I find his advice here quite priceless. I have found in my own heart this propensity. Not with… Read more »
Mike Leake,
This may be the only time we have ever been openly in agreement…..and for the exact same reasons. Maybe ego is more dangerous than we realize. I know it has done a number on me far too many times.
Excellent advice.