This article was originally posted at my site. I’m married with three children, an SBC pastor, a PhD student at SBTS, and an average Southern Baptist. I’ve authored two books. You can connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and YouTube.
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (ESV). –Ephesians 6:12
(This is an excerpt from Monstra by Chemosh. This book is used to train mid-ranked demons in the Prince’s army.)
In order to poison the monsters He loves, the ones He calls men and even “children,” here are 20 things you must lead our slaves–and His–to do. . .
1. Christianize popular ideas. In the United States, for example, tolerance equals love. Train them to quote 1 Corinthians 13 while ignoring other verses that are intolerant. Leaders must tell their hearers that love equals tolerance and equality, so that in the name of love leaders may encourage their hearers to love them by tolerating their heresy. No one wants to be labeled “intolerant” today because if one is labeled “intolerant” it’s the same as being labeled “unloving.” Use this reality to our advantage. Have the monsters care more about what other monsters think than what He thinks.
2. Put heresy in a Christian song with Christian lingo and a good beat. It will be sung in churches all over the world. Turn the music ministers to our side and rule the church. They are the new priests and popes in Evangelicalism.
3. Appeal to adolescence. Due to our influence and their depraved little hearts, every teenager and adult wants to break away from the ideas of their parents and grandparents. Train our slaves to cater to this adolescent mentality. Tell them to suggest that they’re teaching something relevant (new), as opposed to what their parents and grandparents previously taught. In other words, have them appeal to the pride of their hearers. Get them to train their hearers to believe that their spirituality is greater than the spirituality of those who came before.
4. Put heresy in a song with some sentimentality. Monsters easily forget who gave them their families and friends–Him. Many monsters like to sing about how mommies, babies, daddies, etc. are the glory of Heaven. We don’t care who they think the glory of Heaven is, so long as it’s not Him. Train our servants to capitalize on this weakness.
5. Create an atmosphere that makes people feel good. Heresy should anger His children, but if you make them feel good with the music, singing, prayers, videos, entertainment, and sermons, then our servants can sneak heresy in. Monsters find it hard to recognize heresy when all of their senses are peaked. When the bottom-feeder likes what he sees, hears, feels, etc., thinking and discernment are cast aside. Train our monsters to lull their hearers into a euphoric sleep, so they then can deliver their poison.
6. Appeal to the sinful nature. Monsters love to hear how good they are, for their hearts hate their guilty consciences. Hide the light with darkness by appealing to the darkness that is already within them. In other words, do not expose their evil deeds as defined by Him; rather redefine “evil.” Remember, you cannot call light darkness. They will rebel against you if you do. But you can call darkness light when speaking of their hearts. They want to believe us because their hearts are like ours’. Give them what they want.
7. Tell amazing stories. His monsters and ours’ alike love to hear amazing stories where He recently moved in a “mighty” way. They’re constantly looking for a new sign that He is not dead. They’ve heard the stories in the Bible enough. They long for something fresh and new. Give it to them. But use some Scripture to hide the heresy, so that your stories are treated as authoritative. Remember, there is no need to prove their authority; one only needs to preach them as authoritative.
8. Appeal to the idolatry of your hearers. We do not care who they worship, so long as they do not worship Him. If your monsters live in an entertainment-centered society, make sure you train them to entertain while presenting their heresy. If they live in a postmodern society, make sure they say nothing absolute while appealing to the only truth they know: “I’m not sure.” Monsters love false-humility.
9. Speak in non-absolutes. Train our slaves to preface every sermon and lesson with, “I think, I believe,” while never saying, “I know.” Eventually their hearers will see their beliefs as their beliefs, and not necessarily the beliefs of the prophets, apostles, and Christ. The underlying assumption for such language is that there is no absolute truth. If there’s no absolute truth, then there’s no such thing as heresy. Their hearers will eventually redefine “orthodoxy” as “heterodoxy” while believing that neither exist. We’ve got them!
10. Dress it up in new clothes. Do not train our monsters to present heresy how previous heretics presented it. Instead, train them to dress up in new clothes. They must present the heresy like a scheming politician does. They should use catch-phrases that sound biblical. Most people will walk away thinking, saying, and believing their catch-phrases.
11. Major on specific Bible verses while intentionally ignoring those that contradict your interpretation. Biblical ignorance is our ally. Train our bottom-feeders to connect verses with other verses with other verses. Even if these verses have no contextual connection, if they use Scripture arbitrarily, they can teach heresy from the Bible. The goal is to give their hearers half-truths, but not the complete truth. Half-truths are the make-up of heresy, and some Scripture is your ally in this endeavor.
12. Change definitions. If you train our slaves to change the definitions of words, they can sign any confession or document, or agree with any orthodox doctrine. They know what they mean; just make sure no one else does. Have them please everyone a little bit. After all, when it comes to doctrine in evangelicalism, monsters don’t have to be orthodox, they just need to sound orthodox. Even our Prince sounds orthodox.
13. Accustom your hearers to statements you tout as facts that cannot be proven. Train our slaves to make vague statements that hang in midair such as, “God is going to do something amazing,” “I feel like revival is coming,” “God told me someone is going to give a large sum of money,” etc. These statements all lack sufficient proof. There’s no timetable for validation. As their hearers grow more accustomed to unfounded, indemonstrable prophecies, they’ll seek no validation from their prophets for unfounded, indemonstrable heretical statements either.
14. Appear cool, sweet, hip, or simply different from other pastors. Train our monsters to look like celebrities. They should say curse words from the pulpit occasionally. They should be “edgy,” a type of “shock-jock.” Train each generation to rebel against or redefine the light of the previous generation.
15. Pray like you’re a priest in the pulpit. Train our monsters to act like they’re receiving some special anointing that exalts them above their hearers as they preach. They should make statements like, “God gave me a word for you today,” or “God told me that you needed to hear this sermon today.” This way, their hearers will come expecting to hear from Him through them, thinking that they have a word from Him, instead of believing that the Scriptures have a word from Him. See, our monsters can become His mouthpiece. Heresy is easy to indoctrinate when bottom-feeders think you speak for Him. The goal is for our hearers to view our monsters as types of priests, prophets, apostles, etc. who have divine authority. They must attack the priesthood of His children by exalting themselves in the pulpit, if their heresy is to be accepted by Bible-readers.
16. Get everyone to like your personality. If everyone likes our slaves, then they can say almost anything. Train them to always be positive and encouraging. Monsters need to feel secure, regardless of reality. If our slaves can make them feel secure, they will be ours forever.
17. Create a CANON within the Canon. Train our slaves to exalt the words of His Son above the words of the apostles. Act as if Christ’s words are greater than the words of the Holy Spirit spoken through the Scripture writers. Then, they may reject the progressive revelation that further clarifies the words of Christ in the rest of the New Testament, and replace it with their own heretical interpretations. Train them to teach their hearers that they know Christ better than the eyewitnesses who walked and talked with Him, and recorded His works. Teach them that their interpretation of Christ’s words in the Gospels is better than the interpretation of Christ’s words by Luke, Peter, Paul, John, Jude, and James in the rest of the New Testament. If you can encourage monsters to trust themselves more than they trust those who wrote Scripture, heresy will be the natural outcome.
18. Grow the crowd numerically. If our slaves’ methods produce visible numbers, then they can say almost anything. Monsters love numbers, for numbers–not biblical obedience–equal success. We do not care what they trade their souls for, so long as they trade.
19. Speak of previous heretics as martyrs. Train our monsters to act like previous heretics were sweet little lambs who fell victim to evil oppressive idolaters. Their hearers probably won’t check the history of His monsters, but if they do, it’s necessary for our slaves to reinterpret church history prior to their research. You must give them an interpretive grid that helps them view church history through our eyes. If they view heresy in church history through the lens of tolerance, they’ll tolerate the heresy of our slaves as well. After all, all His children have a right to believe whatever they want, even if it goes against Scripture.
20. Increase giving and baptisms. If our slaves are bringing in money and numbers, they can do or say almost anything. Make sure the world thinks they’re a big deal. If the world likes them, His monsters will like them as well.
What are your thoughts about these 20 ways to poison the monsters?
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