Bill Gernenz blogs at Broken and Undone and is a pastor in East Texas.
Proverbs 22:6 has become to many parents, a golden strand of hope that their prodigal son or daughter will one day return to the Lord. I greatly empathize with parents going through that terrible trial. Friends and church members should comfort, pray for, and encourage these hurting parents.
Indeed, parenting is the most painful calling God has entrusted to human beings. It alone has the unique capacity to bring both unspeakable joy and immeasurable sorrow.
A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him. (17:25)
That is why, although the prospect scared me to death, during Sundays message, I was obligated to challenge the common understanding of Proverbs 22:6. I knew that some would interpret my words as robbing them of hope for their personal prodigal, but nothing can be further from the truth.
The truth is Proverbs 22:6 is not a promise; it’s a command. (Technically it is not even that. It is a proverb that carries the weight of a command, but I digress). Some may argue that it sounds like a promise — sow this reap this. But the problem with that understanding is that it forgets the nature of Proverbs. We accept this more easily when the proverb appears to promise long life, wealth, happiness, and peace. We recognize that those proverbs are not promises. So, why do we resist understanding this proverb in the same way?
Hope. We want hope. We want to believe that our sin or daughter will return to the Lord.
But we must refuse finding hope in the wrong things. To twist Scripture is to hold onto an artificial hope. But hollow hope cannot bear the weight of a parent’s grief. We need substantive hope, real promises, and solid truth.
The reality is parents lose more than they gain when we cling to false hope. This is true in at least three ways:
- Parents operate out of stress, fear, and legalism instead of hope, joy, and grace. If we believe that our children will turn out right if we parent right. We have put our necks under the yoke of fear. Our joy will be hindered and our perspective skewed. While we recognize our God-given call as parents to train, nourish, and discipline, and while we recognize the vital importance of our God-given influence, there are more factors involved that just our parenting. Pray for your kids; diligently disciple them; and LOVE THEM! Do not parent out of fear but joy and faith.
- Parents incur unnecessary condemnation. Nobody has been or ever will be a perfect parent. That does not excuse our failure; we must still repent. But we do not want godly conviction to become satanic condemnation.
- Too often, we are tempted to see our wayward child and think, “There’s nothing I can do now. I ‘trained him up’ and now I just wait to see when they come back.” The problem with that is, even if 22:6 was a promise, it says nothing about “returning.” We cannot allow a false hope to paralyze us into passive parenting. Your hope is not in what you have done and how well you may have done it. Our hope as parents is in the gospel. God actively pursues sinners… so get out and actively pursue your prodigal. Mend relationships; patiently love; confess failure; and graciously speak truth.
Again, the great hope for parents is the gospel. Our hope is in the truth that God seeks and saves the lost. We serve and love and cry out to a lovingly heavenly Father who graciously adopts the children of imperfect parents.
The full message, “The Teaching of Wisdom (Instructing Children)” can be heard here.
I remember sitting with a young lady and explaining that proverbs are not intended to be promises, or guarantees, but descriptions of the normal course of life.
She was very upset. In her mind, if she did not have an absolute guarantee that her children were going to grow up to serve the Lord, she did not want to have children at all.
It would be nice if parenting came with such a guarantee, wouldn’t it?
Good thoughts, Bill.
Any promise of Proverbs 22:6 must be kept in the context of the rest of the truth of the Bible.
Do the parents know “how” and “what” to train their children?
“Training” is much, much more than just instruction. Anyone who has been through military basic training can easily see the difference.
Also, children may have other very strong influences in their lives that tend to “counter-train” the children.
Then there is the factor of free-will that enters into any such promise. Solomon’s own son split the kingdom of Israel in two weeks.
Finally, God Himself is our Father. Let us not require more from ourselves than His example of fatherhood toward us allows.
I think there is promise in Proverbs 22:6, but it is not a magic spell to be taken out of the wider context of the Bible.
I do not understand why people insist on taking this one verse and making it into something it is not. Even only using the chapter divisions made by other men there are 5 verses before this one and they have to do with how a man deals with things. It is not a matter of ‘training’ but of developing habits and in learning good or bad ones and how that will stay with you in life. It has nothing to do with salvation or returning to the fold but on the effort of guidance of children. Do not leave them to choose their own pathway, give them the instruction and information to see the wisdom in following God’s ways. Vs 1 act honorably, have a good name, gather love rather than money. Vs 2 We are ALL EQUAL. It was not a new concept when written in the US Constiturion! Vs 3 Look ahead, watch out for pitfalls. Don’t be blindsided because you were not looking!! Vs 4 Humility and fear of God are the best way. Vs 5 Evil stuff will hurt you. Now look at vs 6 again…. let the children find their own way and they will stay in that way. It sounds more like a threat now, doesn’t it? As parents we are called to ACT in the best interests of our children and that means continuing while they are here for us to influence and teach. Because if we leave them to find their own way, they will. All we like sheep have gone astray…. we have turned every one of us to our own way.
I think that, in this uncertain world, people are grasping for guarantees. Raising kids (or watching grandkids) grow up in this world is scary – there is so much temptation.
It is still a comfort, though, to know that (as this verse teaches) good parents can influence and guide their children on the right paths.