And I will die alone, and be left there
Well I guess I’ll just go home
Or God knows where
Because death is just so full, and man so small
I’m scared of what’s behind, and what’s beforeBut there will come a time you’ll see
With no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see, what you find there
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair
–from Mumford and Sons, “After the Storm”
Now, I wouldn’t count Mumford and Sons as a beacon of good theology (perhaps as an existentialist one), but these haunting yet hopeful lyrics are part of a beautiful sounding song that captures how much of the world views death: it’s there and it’s scary so hope for the best.
James reminds us, even from the Christian vantage point, that we have no idea what tomorrow brings—after all what is life? We are just a mist—a vapor—we’re here for a little time and then we’re gone. That moment of vanishing is sometimes quick and sometimes painfully slow. It can happen in an instant without us even sensing it is coming.
Yet if we are indeed followers of Jesus, while we might not know what tomorrow brings (literally speaking) we are assured of what tomorrow brings (speaking of the end of this life). With grace in our hearts and no more tears, we just go home (2 Corinthians 5:8).
I have been thinking about death more recently, and I have no idea why. I’m only 31, this is still supposed to be the prime of life—of course tell that to the hair that has gone missing (traitors), the ears that cannot hear as well as they once did (what?), and the aches and pains that crop up and stubbornly refuse to go away (groan). If I’m “average” then there’s still another good 50 years of this. Death should still be a generation away—plenty of time for this body to continue to fall apart!
But thinking about death also makes me reflect on life. Like most people, I have dreams of being someone—of being special, of leaving a legacy that is remembered for centuries. That must be a part of our celebrity culture, though, I mean if I were to think realistically and rationally I’d know that legacies are overrated—very few people leave one. With all the billions of people who have ever lived, how many get remembered? Five years after they’re gone, how many people still get talked about?
Even in our own families: how many of us can recall the names of our great-grandparents without digging up the old genealogical tree we keep in the basement?
In the Bible where we actually have the rare legacies of some of the oldest names around, there are also those faithful ones who lived and died (sometimes rather painfully) and all we know is they are the “others.”
That’s most of us—that’s the vast majority of us in the eyes of history. Death is so full, it has swallowed so many, yet we’re so small—we’re just “others.” Depressed yet?—you shouldn’t be. At least not because of this, if you are a follower of Christ.
See: life and death and our place in history isn’t about leaving a legacy, it isn’t about the power we had, the blogs we wrote, the degrees we earned, or the prestige of having our names preserved in a 6th grader’s chewed up old history book. It is about being content with being an “other” because we have sought to devote every moment not to seeking our own glory but the glory of Christ.
In Philippians, Paul wrote, “to die is gain.” Why? Because we get to be with Jesus. So when we Christians face the death of a fellow Christian we “do not grieve as others do who have no hope” but remember the coming of the Lord and the resurrection and “therefore encourage one another with these words” (1 Thessalonians 4). The death of a fellow Christian is an opportunity of encouragement for us who remain behind, and the inevitable approach of our own death is a sign displaying the coming of perfect joy.
But before Paul said “to die is gain” he wrote, “to live is Christ.”
Solomon tested all that the world had to offer and determined it is all vain—good or bad. After all, everyone meets the same end and whatever gain we had is left behind for others to do whatever they want. Solomon advised his son in the face of this reality to get married, eat bread, drink wine, be merry, wear clean clothes, and so enjoy life (Ecclesiastes 9)…oh, and this: “Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” (12:13).
That’s life: whatever we do, great or small; whatever we gain or lose; whoever we have around us…fear God and follow him. Honor Jesus.
For in the end, when you go over that hill to see what lies behind, it’s the only thing that matters. Have you lived your life for the glory of God in Jesus?
“I’m scared of what’s behind, and what’s before . . . ”
this part reminds me of a line in very, very old prayer:
‘it is dangerous to delay, yet perilous to go forward’ . . . .
“O Lord, make haste and illumine the night.
Say to my soul
that nothing happens without Your permitting it,
and that nothing of what You permit is without comfort.
O Jesus, Son of God,
You Who were silent in the presence of Your accusers,
restrain my tongue
until I find what should say and how to say it.
Show me the way
and make me ready to follow it.
It is dangerous to delay, yet perilous to go forward.
Answer my petition and show me the way.
I come to You as the wounded go to the physician in search of aid.
Give peace, O Lord, to my heart. ” (Birgitta of Sweden, 1300’s)
I’ve been thinking about death some, but maybe that’s because of my age and weight. These are excellent reflections. I was not able to sleep much last night and I was thinking and praying about some of these things – sort of a spiritual mid (to later) life crisis.
When I was 31, I felt like I had 50 years in front of me. Now I’m starting to wonder how many years of ministry I have ahead and if I’m using them well.
Dave,
Yesterday at breakfast I prayed for you. I had just read this post. I was getting ready to take my nine pill regimen for the morning. Last year I had a major heart-attack (out of the blue; then again I guess they all are).
My typical routine was playing basketball twice a week for 3 to 4 hours with college age kids (I’m 55). I’ve never had a wait problem and I had not had a physical for over 35 years. I had never even taken an aspirin before (but accidently took one instead of a Tylenol which might have saved my life. That is another story).
To top it off the hospital was having a special on diseases so I got diabetes as a special bonus. Now, I have a few choices: 1. take my medicine every day or say good-bye in a few days. 2. Restrict my diet to exclude almost all foods that actually have flavor, and then, only eat one helping.
Friend, I do understand the struggle you are facing. Only by God’s daily grace, and a very supportive wife and church, am I able to do what I do on a daily basis. This includes the stress of meeting the payroll for my staff (about 15 I think).
Now, here’s the good news. I’ve seen the “white light” and it has given me a renewed sense of living for the moment–every moment devoted to the Lord. Of course, I still fail but every time I feel a flutter in my chest, I am immediately reminded that “now” is the only time I have to serve the Lord in this life.
I went to find any post to let you know I was praying for you. Amazingly (providentially) I went right to this one. Kind of neat, huh.
Do what you must do to get healthy. It is a gift to yourself, your family, your friends, the lost world, and most of all, Your Lord. It doesn’t really matter how many days you have ahead because they all come “one at a time.”
Your friend and partner in the Kingdom,
Frank
PS–The white light is not something at the end of a tunnel leading to heaven. It is the operating table light.
Thanks, Frank. I’m trying. I have narrowing avoided both heart problems and diabetes, but I’m flirting with them. So, I’m actually working on it.
Vegetables. That’s the key to weight loss (not that I have that problem). You need to get a sense of being full without taking in too many carbs.
With a strict diet and exercise (which I could do better with) I’ve been able to bring my colesterol (sp?) down to below normal (so now the doc prescribed more red meat), and my diabetes is under control.
In addition I have been able to significantly reduce my meds. You will need to change your habits. For example: when I go to McD’s and get my fries, I separate half and throw them away. (they won’t give me a half order). That way, I am not tempted to eat more than I should and I get a false sense of satisfaction.
Also, I eat small meals every four hours like clockwork. Routine is your friend. Small meals will allow you to control your carb intake better and also the feeling of hunger.
Please keep fighting. Ask yourself like I did: do I want to live to eat, or eat to live?
Here’s some good news: I’ve lost an inch off my waste (again, I didn’t need to lose weight), my clothes fit better, I have more energy, and my wife has the fantasy of having an affair with a stranger.
Win-win situation! When you feel a little surge of self-control, it will be your friends praying for you. Don’t quit. Win the battle one burger at a time.
“I had never even taken an aspirin before (but accidently took one instead of a Tylenol which might have saved my life. That is another story).”
a blessed ‘accident’ . . .
Chistiane,
You are right. I’ll give you the scope. I had a heart attack on Tuesday of that week, but it only lasted about four hours. Yes, my wife did threaten to beat me to death if I did not go to the hospital. But, that’s a marriage counseling thing.
On Wednesday I had another attack. Even more pain. Even more stubborn. I finally decided to take a Tylenol about 1 am. We were out. I went to the store (yes, drove while having a heart attack). I thought I picked up Tylenol, but I picked up aspirin instead. Realized it when I got home. Took two.
Went to the office the next morning. My wife (who works for me) embarrassed me into talking with the advice nurse. My staff ganged up on me and forced me to call 911.
My blood pressure and pulse were so low they asked if I was a “professional athlete.” Of course, I had to tell the truth, and set, “sort of.” (In my mind at least).
I went through the Emergency doors straight to the operating room (after they stole my pants). I’m doing really well today and it is all because: “I’m not very good at shopping and came home with aspirin instead of Tylenol.”
One time I went out for hot dogs and came home with an electronic organ. That’s another story.
So, am I a Calvinist? I guess so because I thoroughly believe God predestined me to pick up aspirin instead of Tylenol.
I believe you were ‘blessed’ . . . it’s not so hard to see it, is it? I do hope you follow up with proper evaluation and treatment, but I think this aspirin ‘blessing’ gift from God that can comfort your ‘heart’ in more ways than one.
It may be that what has been shown you in this way that you are beloved of Our Lord and cared for by Him, is the greatest ‘blessing’ of all.
dude, you write the craziest stuff. Makes my day!
Oops, meant this for Jared’s post. Just got out of surgery, on pain meds, sorry.
Hey, that’s okay… if it still makes your day, feel free to consider my writings crazy as well.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand.
How few, yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep.
While I weep
While I weep
O God can I not save
One from the pitiless wave!
O God is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
Exactly one year ago this coming Sunday I lost most of my voice while preaching. We thought “throat infection” but it was the pressure of a cancer in the mediastinem on the laryngeal nerve. So loss of voice is only a small part of the picture now. I went through the “I am going to die” thoughts, and came out saying, “But it’s all right. I am ready. I know whom I have believed …”
I will spare you the ups and downs of treatment and its effects or disappointments. But I have come to see that I have been given a great gift … time and motivation to reflect on my relationship with God, to get my financial house in order, to lay plans for burial, to deepen my relationship with my wife and children and grandchildren, to experience friendship in new ways … many other things. I do not fear death, though of course I do not look forward to the probability of pain and discomfort in the process of dying. But I have assurance now that is deeper than what I had a year ago, and so do my family members.
To put this in perspective: I am 73 years old, retired after service as a campus minister, pastor, interim pastor, denominational worker in Washington, DC. I am simply grateful for what I have received and am no longer grumbling about what I am not going to be able to do or have.