BREAKING NEWS: Second Presidential Candidate Rumors Emerge

My hopes that JD Greear would cruise to election in Dallas this summer were dashed today when I read a Twitter and Facebook exchange dominated by the estimable Drs. Bart Barber and Nathan Finn promoting an alternate candidate for SBC President.

Evidently, Bart is planning to nominate…Chuck Norris for SBC President.

The following reasons, given by the Barber/Finn Coalition for Norris, explain the reasons for the candidacy.

• Chuck Norris casts the ballot of the convention with a roundhouse kick. (Rev. Dr. Barber)
• Chuck Norris doesn’t serve on committees. He is a committee of one. (Rev. Dr. Finn)
• Chuck Norris decides whether to bring the Committee on Resolutions to the floor. (Rev. Dr. Barber)
• Chuck Norris rules Barry McCarty out of order. (Revised version of a Rev. Dr. Barber tweet).
• The @SBCCP gives to Chuck Norris. (Rev. Dr. Barber)
• Chuck Norris taught Robert the Rules of Order. (Rev. Dr. Barber)
• Chuck Norris IS a quorum. (Rev. Dr. Barber).
• Chuck Norris doesn’t get baptized; bodies of water get chucked. (Rev. Dr. Finn)
•  If churches practice Chuck Discipline, we wouldn’t have any membership issues in the SBC. (Rev. Dr. Finn)
• Benjamin Wright observed, “Motions from Chuck Norris do not require a second.”
• A bit of wisdom from Fake Wiley Drake – Paige Patterson and Paul Pressler met at the Cafe Du Monde to plan the conservative resurgence. Chuck Norris bought the beignets.

They make some excellent points, but I believe that the SBC is still best served with the Greear candidacy. However, there are aspects of the Norris candidacy that intrigue me.

I was disappointed, though, that Bart seems to have joined the conspiracy theorists.

Bart asserted, “TMW Lifeway messed up Chuck Norris’s Sunday School order.”