(For reasons that would seem to be obvious, I’m allowing this post to be published anonymously. Unfortunately, we live in a Christian world in which the kind of confession our author is making could negatively impact his ministry!)
We are called to suffer, dear brother. In fact, we fill up what remains of Christ’s sufferings or, in other words, our suffering are His sufferings. And, the sufferings of this present age are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed. God grant you grace to see what I am saying.
I think he is absolutely right – though we reject and ridicule Osteen, there is more of his outlook in our thinking than we would want to admit – the idea that our ministries should be successful, rewarding, fulfilling, and make us happy here on earth.
Bless you, brother. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the deacon’s comment re: your lawn. As for social media bragging, I appreciated this tweet from one pastor, “Hope you guys are ready for some very LOW-KEY preaching! It’s going to be totally on the chain! We’re taking this to the whole same level!”
I’m put in mind of the letters of Jonathan Edwards. One was a lengthy explanation and defense of the awakening that took place in his church in Northampton, Mass.
He described how for 17 years he had preached and there had been no results. If I read the letter right, not a single convert. No response. My church hasn’t exactly set the statistical house on fire, but we’ve done better than that.
But after 17 years, suddenly God went to work. An awakening that changed the entire Colonial America.
Makes you wonder about the adage, “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.” Edwards did the same thing for 17 years with NO results. Changed nothing and suddenly there was revival.
Not exactly sure how to process that.
Robin Foster
Thanks for that Dave. I was told that definition of insanity recently.
dr. james willingham
And for appreciation, the church fired him (Edwards). There were people and preachers who fought that Awakening every step of the way. However, there is no denying that the moral climate of the colonies improved, and the awakening provided a sameness in outlook which was a definite influence on the men who enlisted in the Patriots’ Cause.
Robin Foster
I can relate to many things stated in this article, but what I have learned is that if I focus on the negativity, I will be unhappy. But if I focus on Jesus and what He is doing in the church among the people, I just don’t experience happiness, but eternal Joy. It keeps me going. Seek God and where He is working. Realize the greatest blessing is the eternal difference you make in others. And you are, even if you dont see it. That is faith. That is the key to overcoming the challenges in ministry. I truly empathize with my brother.
Allen Calkins
Unhappy and all you speak for, First of all, I thank you for your candor and honesty. I totally understand, have been there and, in some ways, are there now. However, I have learned after 25 years of pastoring under 100 churches in under 3,000 towns to do a few things that seem to help me not want to run away from the ministry:
– I tell anyone who will listen (and many who do not want to hear it) that I CANNOt get everything done that needs to be done and do not plan to try. If they want to help, I will let them. If they don ‘t then the ‘task’ remains undone.
– I try very hard to stay off the pedestal so many want to put a pastor on. I try hard to let others see I am just like them, limited, sinful and lacking expertise in many areas. I am not their spiritual superior. I am a colaborer. I just have been assigned a different role. This seems to tamp down expectations, mine and theirs…and that helps.
– I have learned to say ‘no’ and to defend my wife when she says ‘no’. It makes people mad (like church WMU presidents, DOMs and deacon chairmen). But we have both learned not to care.
– I have worked hard everywhere I have served to find like-minded pastors to share with and pray with on a very regular basis. They have never been fellow SBC pastors. Only one time was it the DOM.
– I put in a good day’s work and have learned to accept the fact that I have many unfinished tasks remaining. I refuse to beat myself up about this. I am more willing to apologize for what I have not gotten done than to work late into the night or on a day off to get it done…few things are that important. Of course there are some exceptions.
– I take all my days off and time off. Only a true emergency will cause me to work on a day off. My wife is my enforcer. She does a good job.
I hope these thoughts help to make your life as a pastor more bearable and even a little enjoyable. Jeremiah, Elijah and Paul all had it very rough. They all experienced periods of depression and disappointment (as have I). But I really believe they ‘enjoyed’ what they were doing and would not walk away from the ministry for all the tea in Syria.
…I have been more where you are now in the past. But this is where I am now. …Maybe its the meds (not talking allergy meds here). But whatever it is that allows me to enjoy the pastorate a bit more than I did the first 15 years or so, I am grateful!
I’m not a pastor so cannot speak authoritatively about pastoral callings and the like. But I do have three suggestions for the conflicted pastor who wrote the post.
So … we found a verse that doesn’t apply to pastors?
Interesting.
Allen Calkins
Of course this verse applies to pastors, it biblical context. But I do not believe it is appropriate to try to apply this taken out of context verse to this situation. Would you share this verse with someone who is dying of cancer implying that their cancer or their lack of healing is because they are not trusting the Lord with all their heart? I really do not think you would, at least that is my hope! ….Same situation here. Not every verse applies to every situation we feel like applying it to. A lot of false teaching comes out of this practice. Bob, hope that helps. Sorry for the tone of my previous comment….guess I was just frustrated by what you suggested as ‘THE ANSWER’.
Bob. I can relate to yours AND Allen’s comments. Speaking as a Pastor of over 30 years experience; before I had children, I had at least 10 commandments for raising children. AFTER I had children, that dropped to 2 suggestions, and I’m not sure either of them will work. It is easy to follow God’s word, personally. It is much harder to influence others to do the same. Because sin still exists in this world.
I think your heart’s in the right place. More people need to have that attitude. And I’m not going to follow it up with a “However…”
The resurrected and ascended Christ spoke to Ananias about Paul and told him that he would show Paul “how much he would suffer for my name’s sake.” Could Paul have said, “Well, now that you mention it, I really don’t want to do all that if it means I’m going to be whipped, beaten, chased, arrested, and put to death?” In fact, not only pastors, but all Christians have been called to minister in some way. All ministry promises difficulty. We must do it knowing up front that we will be called to endure trials. Your example serves as a model to how we must continue to press on to the end when everything seems against us.
As for difficult churches, the pastors here can inform me because I don’t know: I have the feeling that many young pastors accept positions at difficult churches, not because they actually think it’s going to be so bad. Rather, they are either naive or like young women who marry rough men thinking that they are going to change their husbands for the better once the wedding bands go on.
I would also scold non-pastoral church leaders, and indeed congregations in general, who treat their pastors badly. They assume for themselves the role of the Jews and Romans who conspired to kill Jesus. If this is you and you are reading this right now, I would wonder if you are truly saved and warn you that it may not go well for you when Jesus returns. You have abused his man whom he has sent to care for you. Beware when his Lord returns.
Jess
Here are a few thoughts from an old Pastor.
1. Do not try to micro-manage all things. Stick to the important matters and allow the small matters to work themselves out.
2. Don’t put more on yourself than what God does. Some folks try to work themselves to death, when God is saying slow down, you’re ahead of me.
3. Don’t try to please everyone, you are not a Sugar Daddy.
4. Remember, some folks do not want help, they have everything figured out already, they think.
5. When you pray, forget what you think you know, (Theology and etc.) and allow the Holy Spirit to really speak to you. Your life will be changed. You will discover you have less trials than you thought possible and be a happier Pastor. God does at times lead a Pastor to another congregation.
D.L. Payton
Jess
very well said
dr. james willingham
If it might help, I will add my two cents worth from experience. There are trials in being a pastor, severe trials to say the least. Try this one on for size: The moderator of a business meeting says, “We could find nothing wrong with you, but we fired you anyway.” A deacon just previous to this announcement said, “We did this for your own good.” For your own good has resulted in no church or place to serve for nearly 19 years. Back when we used paper, I had enough rejection letters to paper a small subdivision. During this period, I also did not have a full time job – only some temps. In 2001 I had to withdraw my annuity to meet expenses, and soon it was gone. There is more, but let me say that God got us through to retirement and social security and a charity check from the annuity board as it was once called. And our son is our pastor. We had discouragements piled on discouragements, sort of like what those fellows use to sing on Hee Haw, but I cannot remember the words (perhaps you can). If it had not been for many helping along the way, I shudder to think what would have become of us. I could say more, like my wife is in a convalescence center, recovering from an infection. We have shelter and a roof over our head, thanks to our son and his church. There is more much more I could say about all four churches I served between 1962 and 1996. Perhaps, one say I will. God grants us grace for such trials, and some of you reading this might well be enduring such right now. If so, remember the same sufferings take place in the lives of your brethren (and sisters) in the ministry. Our Lord has a design in all of this. I came across a statement in a secular work, one that I suspect was written by a believer. He said, “Good and evil are asymmetrical.” That is saying they are not consistent. And we known the one who can manage the inconsistent, the most severe and most sordid of trials in this life. The proof of that facts is in the cross of Christ, the greatest crime and evil in human history. God decreed it, allowing for men to do what they pleased to our Savior/ However, His aim was to use even their evil to deal a death blow to Satan’s kingdom. The decisive battles of the Civil War were Gettysburg and Vicksburg; it was all down hill for the South after those events. The same can be said for Satan’s kingdom; the main battle, the Calvary, has been won, and it has been all down hill ever since. There are still hard battles to be fought, moping up actions that the Lord has assigned to us, battles that look like victories (Pyrrhic, of course, just like Golgotha) sometimes. We still have the time coming, when the Gospel will win the whole earth, the stone cut out of the mountain without human hands shall keep on smiting the old image in its feet of iron and clay until the whole is destroyed and the stone becomes the great mountain that fills the whole earth (Dan.2).
D.L. Payton
Dr. JW
The words to the Hee Haw song are as follows:
Gloom dispair and agony on me
Deep dark depression excessive misery
If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all
Gloom dispair and agony on me
dr. james willingham
Thank you, dear brother. I just knew someone would come up with the words, and it is a happy surprise to have them come from you, my favorite b-I-l. God bless.
John Fariss
Brother, I feel for you and with you. Where you are, I have been, and to tell the truth, am still there (though right now, not as much so as I sense you are). There is a reason why we are sometimes called–and I sometimes tell people–that another name for “pastor” is “professional cat herder.” And I mean that. I will pray for you as I hope you will for me. Were I not so tired, I would wax eloquent–OK, I would drone on a bit longer–but I am so I won’t.
I’m going to make what may be a very strange, and could even be naive, suggestion(particularly given I’m not a pastor). If you can’t yet read Susan Cain’s “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”, get it and read it.
This post first made me think of that because I suspect that part of the reason we tend towards Osteenism is that we live in a culture geared towards (as Cain puts it) the “Extrovert Ideal” (despite about half of people being introverted), and Osteenism is a good match for the extroverted. I first read (and enjoyed) “Quiet” because I *am* pretty much an introvert, and I needed to hear what she was saying. But I’ve since come to realize that we *do* live in a culture geared toward the “Extrovert Ideal”, and the church, rather than adjusting church life to compensate for the imbalance, has largely swallowed it whole. Swallowing the “Extrovert Ideal” whole makes us that much more prone to Osteenism.
But then I went back and reread the post, and what leaped out me was the word “drain” – “It is a constant drain”, “pastoring is a battery-draining…thing”. It stands out in this context because one of the defining marks of the introverted is that they find themselves drained by dealing with people, while extroverted are energized by dealing with people. You said ‘I am “on” all the time’. That’s the type of thing the extrovert revels in, but the introvert can only dread.
I’m not saying this will turn everything hunky-dory. Pastoring by itself *is* draining. But if the pastor is an extrovert, he’s at least got the advantage that dealing with people (and what is pastoring *but* dealing with people) energizes him. But the introvert pastor has both the “normal” drain of pastoring, plus the additional drain that an introvert dealing with people gets. If the introvert pastor fails to make sure he gets the alone time needed to recharge, all he has to look forward to is being constantly drained. Some of the things Allen Calkins says seem geared to dealing with that need to recharge, particularly “I take all my days off and time off”.
I agree, we’re not promised happiness. But if the burden is being increased because you’re an introvert who isn’t getting needed recharge time, then dealing with that issue should at least improve things.
I think about anyone in pastoral ministry has experienced some of what is described here. Some self-reflective questions I ask myself when I am unhappy in ministry, but am striving to find joy in the journey. I’ve found them to be helpful in my own walk — perhaps others may find them helpful too:
1. Do I love the people I serve? Is my ministry aim merely obedience or am I willing, like Paul, to “spend and be spent” for their souls?
2. Do I believe the people/person are genuinely converted? If so, do I believe that the Holy Spirit is at work in them?
3. Are there “glimpses of grace” that show some evidence of spiritual growth in the people I serve?
4. Do any of the criticisms aimed at me have any merit at all? Is there anything I can do to be a better pastor to these people?
5. Am I taking my days off, my vacation time, am I getting any kind of “Sabbath rest”?
6. Do I have a good support system of other pastors/believers who can encourage me in the work? If not, am I willing to find one? If so, am I utilizing that system?
Sadly with #2, I hear people say, “only X% of church members are truly saved” and apply it to those who come regularly. On the one hand when we have 400 “members” but 70 in attendance, yes that’s a problem. BUT, I prefer to operate under the assumption that those who actually show up regularly are actually saved, unless they give clear evidence otherwise. Seeing the gathered as Family rather than unregenerate does make a difference in attitude.
#3 is important… Seeing even a small amount of growth in people covers a lot of stupidity. Assumptions, like above: I also assume in most churches discipleship has been weak. Thus a person who is twice my age and been a church member for half a century might only be a spiritual toddler. When our three year old children shout in anger, “your stupid and ugly and I hate you,” a good parent won’t take that personally. When we get hit with the spiritual equivalent, sometimes we just have to bear with it as we help them grow to adulthood.
#6 is a must. It often isn’t naturally there and if we want it we have to be intentional to build it with other pastors in the area. Where I’m at we’ve built it in the town via our Ministerial Alliance, and in our association by a couple of us planning monthly meetings and encouraging others to participate. The latter me and another guy had to take the lead to create.
Also one guy in my association, when he first came he didn’t wait for other pastors to contact him; he sat a date and invited us to his church for coffee, doughnuts, and a meet and greet.
To all the NON-pastors reading this post — Let me encourage you to do everything you can to encourage, lift-up, support, work along-side, affirm, pray for, protect, care for, and fellowship with your pastor. Perhaps the biggest encouragement is seeing you grow in Christ-likeness as you strive to follow the Lord together.
Thanks, Todd. As a non-pastor involved in ministry in other ways, I pray for my pastors and offer substantive encouragement to them when I can. I stick up for them in conversation in their absence if I hear some question as to their character or unsubstantiated suggestions as to bad motives, and I try to do so in a positive way so that people learn to appreciate and not resent the pastors in any way. I know that I’m not alone in this. So to all the pastors here, know that someone has your back even if they don’t come right out and say it. Especially, know also that Jesus has your back because of the calling for which he has called you.
Tarheel
There is some great comments and encouragements listed in this thread. Honestly I must say that myself, as well as every other pastor I know, has experienced similar feelings and emotions over the course of ministry.
I would only add to the comments being made here that often people consider the “senior pastor” as the one for whom these types of lists and encouragements should apply – and often people (even sometimes senior pastors themselves) fail to realize that staff pastors are just a susceptible to the issues notated in the original post and equally need the encouragements spoken of in the comments.
I will borrow from Todd’s list above making the following point – I firmly believe that one of the important roles of a “senior pastor” is to encourage, lift-up, support, work along-side, affirm, pray for, protect, care for, and fellowship staff pastors.
On a personal note – In my over 20 years of serving in an associate pastor role I have served with pastors who understand this and a some who did not – likewise I have served in churches where the membership did not understand it – not coincidentally in churches where the “senior pastor” got this – the church tended to get it too—- the converse is also true. Thankfully I am in a church now where the senior pastor gets it, and the church as a whole does as well.
Pastors are pastors. Gifting and areas of leading are different – but we are all equally pastors. We are all in this together. I think many SBC churches do a poor job at encouraging and protecting their pastors – and often it is because we pastors ourselves do not value and protect one another and (probably unconsciously) propagate a hierarchy of “real pastors” and those who are not “senior pastors”. (Perhaps this paragraph is probably another thread altogether.)
Thank you, pastor anonymous.
Fred MacLaren
Anonymous blogger is a teacher/elder who is forced to be a pastor. He agonizes over what the flock is missing out on by not growing, that’s an SBC elder. He can’t write a blog post about his feelings without trying to turn it into a teachable moment for others, that’s a teacher. But a pastor meets the people where they are and just takes care of them, and that work is burning him out because it isn’t him. He knows it is the right thing to be done, but it takes him away from his calling. Which means someone else is needed to do it.
Blogger needs some people to wait tables for him while he focuses on cracking the word and teaching it. Let’s pray for God to provide helpers for him.
D.L. Payton
Brother Pastor
I have come to this post to make a comment 5 times and then left not knowing what to say. I am not sure now what to say but here goes anyway. (1) I have been there (2) If you have made mistakes, admit it to your people and make correction (3) If your leadership is correct and you are comfortable with your decisions, then go to bed and sleep like a baby. That may sound like a cop out but my brother that is all you can do because hard-hearted people are a reality in any church. Don’t let them win (4) I know we all agree that there is joy in heaven for our faithfulness. However I think we can expect joy on this earth. I am in my 50th year of ministry and have been to hell and back on more than one occasion. Notice I said “and back”. God is faithful. However, today I am a very happy and fulfilled man. I am doing trouble shooting and crisis management with my Pastors whom I love dearly, teaching senior level Systematic courses in our college and working with my pastor/son in his church. Life in my winter years is good. I pray that God will grant you the same. I also pray that our Heavenly Father will grant you grace upon grace.
I will put you on my primary prayer list, that I use each morning, for the next 10 days. After that time if I need to continue shoot me an email and we will talk.
Karen
From one in the pews, I know I do not really understand what it is like for you. But it sounds like you really don’t like the people in your church and that they don’t live up to your unspoken expectations. What do you want concretely for them to do? I expect many of them have burdens of which you have no idea.
Tarheel
That’s an excellent point too Karen!
We gotta remember that our church members are working in jobs with people they may not like – or feel unappreciated by.
They have stressors at home too.
They have frustrations with thier pastors and fellow church members.
You may not be ready to Pastor your targets just yet, because your expectations are not what the church needs. I truly hope your desire changes….because where your heart is, …is where your treasure truly is.
Observations from your rant (and btw,..all of us that do Pastor have had these things run through our heads; so you will get a lot of pats on the back by many).
1. You expect to be happy (joyful). Ok, that is a Godly pursuit, yet how is happiness (joy) measured?
2. Joy is tallied by trials, and other things. Some do not see it as joy/or being happy…they only feel the sting, while never knowing the application.
3. Believe me, if the “lawn mowing” comments really did make you think, your not quite ready to minister to that guy. Believe me, these guys and your church are begging for a leader,…what an opportunity! I long for the day I can have a conversation about mowing my lawn!
4. “That’s life in the American church”. That is truly your most challenging problem. America is in love with selfish motives…so, again; what an opportunity to lead the flock in front of you away from those expectations. Those will be enjoyable trials with lots of fireworks.
5. God has not sent you to rant or even think things demeaning about your flock. Phil 2:ff
6. Who cares about mega-churches!… the only difference between your church and a mega-church is “mega”.
Most of all,… as my wife says on occasion “its time to put your big boy pants on”. Moses, Jeremiah, and others were essentially told the same thing. God’s plan is not changing, maybe yours, mine, our minds and hearts will. As Moses and all the others repented, they realized where real joy comes from…..
Hope things result in the expectations you desire, in the near future. Evaluate your expectations well!
With the understanding that books are not cure all pills that magically solve problems, I would recommend a book to all struggling pastors and all pastors really. It helped me see several things in a different light:
“The Pastor’s Justification” by Jared C Wilson
Anonymous Pastor
(Editor: Anonymous commenting is harder than anonymous posting – I’ve created this but it keeps seeming to want to post the wrong way. Not sure it will work)
I was not sure what kind of responses to expect in writing a post like this. The biggest problem is that I am determined to remain anonymous and so I cannot be any more specific than I was.
Some of the commenters certainly have jumped to conclusions that I do not feel are accurate. Some have felt qualified to judge my motives, my qualifications as a pastor, my personality.
My motive was to express what I’ve experienced and what I’ve heard from other preachers – blissful happiness is not universal among those of us who serve churches. I’d like to clarify a few things, though, which I feel were misunderstood or misinterpreted.
1. I differentiate between joy in Christ and happiness, a distinction I made in the original post, but evidently not clearly enough. I find joy in Christ, in his grace, in his sovereignty, his purposes of grace in this world, and in what he is doing in my life. I don’t always find happiness in the day to day burdens of life, and I get very frustrated with the progress of the church I serve. Very.
2. My point is that I do not believe that earthly happiness is a key factor in ministry, as biblically defined. God calls us to serve him. I doubt Paul had fun in prison in Rome for 2 years, or in Caesarea, or when he was being beaten, or shipwrecked. I think the idea that I should enjoy my ministry is an American heresy – Osteenism – not a biblical truth.
In other words, I don’t think God is primarily motivated by whether I’m happy in this ministry or not. I’m called to walk in holiness and be faithful. That’s what I’m trying to do. Sometimes I’m happy. Often I’m not. Honestly, that’s not a huge issue, is it?
The negative assumptions by Chris, Fred, Karen, Jess, Bob, and others do not represent how I feel. If I communicated badly, I only plead that I am limited in expressing myself. It is just not possible to be more specific without identifying myself, and that would be unwise.
3. I don’t hate my “sheep.” I love them. I think if you asked them, they’d tell you I’m a loving and caring pastor. I preach, teach, visit, marry, bury, counsel, pray, grieve, agonize with them. And yet everything else I said about them is true as well – as a whole. We have some great and godly people here, but I have deep frustrations as a pastor. I cannot go into more detail because I want to remain anonymous.
Many of the sheep under my care are difficult. I realize that by remaining anonymous I exposed myself to such sniping. That’s on me, but anonymity is necessary. I will stand before God and give account. I take that seriously. I am trying to be a good shepherd to my sheep.
I don’t understand is why it bothers people so much that I admit that I don’t particularly find the work fun. I find joy in serving Christ and being obedient. But am I required to be blissfully happy in my ministry? Is it sin to serve in a pastorate when you don’t find it fun?
Can someone defend that theory – that pastoring should be fun – from the Bible?
That has been my point. If I expressed it poorly, I am sorry. But is having fun an essential part of my ministry?
Jeff Buchold
I think that it is easy for a pastor to hate his job if he believes his job is to change people. It is not our job as pastors to change people that is God’s job. We are merely the ones who carry God’s Word to sinners and redeemed sinners. What they do with that Word is on them not on us.
Anonymous Pastor has alluded to something that is frustrating to me. We have become conditioned as pastors not to share what God is doing in our churches or how special our churches may be to us because other pastors might be discouraged. I never want to discourage another pastor so I have followed this newfound rule for pastors. I have learned to share a few quirky one liners when other pastors ask me about how VBC is doing. The truth is there are many pastors who love their churches, are genuinely excited about what God is doing in their churches and love speaking about these things.
I do believe discouragement or resentment in our lives because something great is happening somewhere else or to someone else indicates a victory for the enemy in our spiritual warfare.
Tarheel
That’s right, Dean.
“Professional” jealousy is a very real and Present danger.
Also, the tendancy of church folk, and pastors ourselves, to “compare” our “success” against the church/pastor down the road, on the TV, on the net, or at the conference – is a joy draining Exercise.
Christ does not say to his servants “well done my good and successful servant” – he says “well done my good and *faithful* servant.
Tim Snider
I think my comment that follows deviates somewhat from the main intent of your post, but I think it otherwise generally fits.
My thought, intended to be an encouraging one, was to remind the author of I Timothy 4:2. The author is clearly faithful to the job and to his calling. It also sounds like he might be ‘out of season’ at present. I’d just encourage him to remember that the verse was written to an audience of preachers that might originate from two camps – an ‘in season’ camp or those for which everything is going pretty well, and also to an ‘out of season’ camp or those for which the the daily job responsibilities begin to grind. The context of the verse would seem to indicate that he/we are responsible for the faithfulness, and that the seasons – well, they (both) come and go. I often wonder how William Carey felt the first 20 years of his missionary work. Signed, TIm Snider, Baptist layman
After a bit of bantering back and forth with Dave about this post Sunday afternoon, the message of the post still bugs me, because I’m yet to be convinced it approaches ministry from a biblical perspective (So, I’m glad Dave chose to open it up again). I guess, at a minimum Dave and I disagree on what is being said by the author, so, I’ll at least try to explain my contention with the attitude,…as I am hearing it,… expressed by Anonymous. Since Anonymous seems to be unhappy, yet not at risk at his church, or mentally. I could be way out in left field on the intent of the author…but, I’ve just heard and experienced this type of approach to ministry over the years….and I’m just am not buying into the concept. As I told Dave, there is a half glass full approach, and a glass half empty approach. The former is more attractive to me… at least,…since we are born again into freedom.
1. It appears the author is encouraging faithful pastors to keep keeping on…for that I am thankful. So obedience, no matter the circumstances is a good thing…right, right. “Obedience is better than sacrifice”.
2. Yet, the other message I heard, and resulted in my previous rant…. is based in the attitude that the Pastor is somehow being held by God against his will (through job searches, etc.), to minister to this group of misfits, and that is being blamed on God, and the Pastor is somehow the “Hulk” like fiction character (green with unhappiness) able to withstand the pesky church. But, its all for God.
3. Somehow this sets the Pastor apart/above this pesky church which he is a part. But, the pastor, in his great affection for God, and his great disdain for the pesky church is overtly obedient….up until the time the pastor is willing to gladly split out of the scene if an opportunity arises. All this is so… “not” what scriptures teaches…..
4. The Apostle to the church at Philippi encouraged…. Philippians 2:12-30… “complete my joy”… and he steers the church on how to accomplish this….by being a slave,..not just to God (that’s the easy one), but to every member of the church….and with an attitude that brings about unity (serving, washing of feet attitude) willing stay because the effort of the staying “is” what brings joy through the work of the Spirit.
I’ve just heard so many Pastors, over the years, beat the triumphal drum of enduring pesky churches for God…convincing themselves they get a gold medal for the endurance, while never giving heartfelt love to the individual wanting, while erroneously engaging, the Pastor to mow his grass a little better (maybe should take the opportunity to mow the lawn with him). I’m afraid, that without the “serving slave aspect”, and true “humbling attitude”, of the heart toward all the church (seen in Christ/Philippians); all the while never understanding the gravity that as Pastor you are only the next member of the collective, not some guy eagerly looking for the next mission assignment…..the Pastor is destined to remain unhappy, frustrated, and longing for God to allow him to move to the next assignment…please (the ole God called me to another ministry ploy). That Pastor misses out on the Spirit’s revealing of joy in the midst of service and trial.
As I explained to Dave, my initial comments were not intended to be negative. In fact, the message I was hearing portrayed was negative (many, if not all, have been tempted by these same things in ministry)….yet this “revealed attitude of disgust in the churches performance” was being shrouded in a cloak of Godly obedience seemingly separated from this pesky, uncooperative church (portrayed as the misfits inflicting the pain). Maybe I was just hearing it wrongly…if so, my deepest and sincere apologies are in order to Anonymous! I just hear the Apostle Paul instructing Pastors to take action with other members of the church through the lens of a Spirit empowered slave (implying joy through submission) to them.
Tarheel
Chris,
For what it’s worth – I failed to see negativity or judgementalism in your post. I thought, and still think you are offering solid counsel.
It’s always bothered me over the years to see pastors essentially “talk trash” about the churches (read people) they’re called to serve – constantly looking for opportunities to leave that church and just simply and joyfully cut and run at the first opportunity – or seemingly incessantly, and with much support from other pastors, pat themselves on the back for “remaining faithful in a hostile environment”.
Certainly I believe at various points in the life of a pastor that godly desire leads them to different places to do different things – and I understand that new desires and new directions should bring excitement for that adventure – but I’ve never been able to grasp why some pastors seem to be exuberant about leaving a church to go to another – it’s almost like A presidential election it’s not an idea of voting for someone it’s more of an idea of voting against someone – meaning it’s not that they’re not so much looking to go to a new field of ministry and serving new people than it is that they’re excited about leaving the current ministry. ( it’s kind a like a Presidential election it’s not an idea of voting for someone it’s more of an idea of voting against someone)
Or another way to say it might be it’s not that they’re so much looking to go to a new field of ministry than it is that they’re excited about leaving the current ministry that they’re in. I’m just not sure that’s a godly perspective.
Tarheel
I’m going to try those last two paragraphs again – sorry about that – I just got to quit posting on my phone – especially using the voice feature!
Certainly, I believe at various points in the life of a pastor that godly desire leads them to different places to do different things – and I understand that new desires and new directions should bring excitement for that adventure – but I’ve never been able to grasp why some pastors seem to be exuberant about leaving a church to go to another ( it’s kind a like a Presidential election it’s not an idea of voting FOR someone it’s more of an idea of voting AGAINST someone.)
Or another way to say it might be it’s not that they’re so much looking excitedly to go to a new field of ministry than it is that they’re excited about leaving the current ministry that they’re in. I’m just not sure that’s a godly perspective..
Tarheel,…yes, I was only trying to convey a message that is rarely put forth by Pastors, because Pastors have a tough job (like many out there) and can be led to believe a false narrative about being a hero for God, eventually leading to unsavory remarks about other fellow members,…as if those members exist in their own private bubble with the Pastor fighting feverishly to bust through the veneer and experience happy, compliant, obedient sheep. I’ve never bought into that semi-popular false narrative.
The Apostle Paul makes it clear that the false narrative is to be avoided.
Just to lighten things up a bit. I’ve been an evangelist for 37 years. I did pastor for 5 years however I was a horrible pastor. Yet in that 5 years God was preparing me for this ministry.
Jesus was walking down the street and saw a guy setting beside the road crying. Jesus asked him why he was crying. The man said, I’m blind, I can’t see. Jesus touched him and heals him and he went away seeing and rejoicing.
He went down the street a little further and he saw another guy crying. Jesus asked him why he was crying. He answered, I’m lame, I can’t walk. Jesus touched him and healed him and he went away walking and rejoicing.
Then Jesus saw another guy setting beside the road and he was crying. He was crying louder than the other two. Jesus asked him why he was crying. He said, I’m a Baptist pastor. Jesus set down and wept with him. 🙂
Seriously, I have great respect for pastors. Especially those who go and stay. God bless you!
D.L. Payton
Tim
I also have great respect and love for pastors. I pastored 30 years, up’s and down’s heartache and joy but by and large it was good.
I have now been a DOM (don’t use that name but…) in Montana for 22 years. I had more stress and heartache in a single year as a pastor than I have had in the 22 years combined here in Montana. Far and away Pastor’s have the hardest task in the Kingdom…not close second.
dr. james willingham
Mention was made in the Conference at MWBTS to do away with DOMs and the local associations, and it seems like efforts are already under way to do that very thing. It is aided and abetted by pastors who do not feel or see the need for a local association and not even a state convention. My answer is that the local association is the one grouping other than the local church for which a biblical case can be made. Seeing how an associational missionary, as they were called, when I began my ministry, or a DOM can encourage and strengthen and even help a local church to survive, it is foolish to do away with the local organization which can also help to keep local churches within the bounds of the Confession of Faith without being overbearing in the matter. The state convention serves a useful purpose, namely, to provide influence on state government, and the SBC can influence the national government. You all need to take a closer look at Al Mohler’s remarks about the Pope’s address to the US Congress, adding notice that he is flanked in the rear by the VP and the Speaker of the House, both Roman Catholics. Then you will also want to notice that the new suggestion of the gentleman who was a presidential candidate does not note that he is Roman Catholic, too. And then I call your attention to the fact that the Supreme Court majority is also Roman Catholic. You would think in North Carolina that the North Carolina Baptists, being number one in size and membership, would be an item for the news the majority of the time, but the Roman Catholics who passed up the Methodists and took second place are almost an item of daily reporting. I would also call attention to the fact that the razzle dazzle, whoofil (sp?) dust in your eyes, folks have been the RCs in years past with their tons of wood of the original cross and many other kinds of remains. While we appreciate the apologies of the priests to the Waldensians, it took about 40 years for the Pope to get around to doing it. Having so spoken, I am still ready to preach in the Vatican, if the Pope should ask me. I think that was the great Evangelist George Whitefield’s idea, too, but one wonders how much weight the message would carry in view of the situation. One can always hope and pray for the best. I have made it a point for 42 years to pray for a Third Great Awakening with a view to the conversion of every soul on earth, fulfilling the promises of Isa.11:9; Hab.2:14; Dan.2; Ps.72:19; et. al. I even expect such a fulfillment that it will continue for a total of 1000 generations and about 900,000 years.
linda
The post could be written from the point of view of the unhappy church member.
So often we are honest and upfront with a perspective pastor as to our beliefs, our goals, our local demographics, our finances, and our target demographics. Said potential pastor seems to think he is a good fit for the very real church in that location. Then he arrives and wants everything changed and is totally shocked when people don’t jump on board, and cannot understand why his leadership lacks followership.
Must be those blamed sheep love their traditions more than they love Jesus.
Or wait–maybe they are fervently traditionalists and believe Calvinism is of the devil himself. Or vice versa. Or maybe they were clear up front they sing hymns, or contemporary, or southern gospel, or rap, or whatever fits their beliefs and community. Led to believe the potential pastor was cool with it, they are not about to switch to hit his target demographic, preferring he aim at theirs.
I guess what this old grandma is saying is that Jesus is the head of the church, not the pastor. That being an elder requires some years and miles, not a degree. And that pastors are called to serve churches that are, not churches the pastor wants them to be.
And feeling eaten by minnows daily, with the work never done, sounds a lot like motherhood. Which isn’t all that far from pastoring in some ways.
Cowboy up!
allen Calkins
Wow…praying for YOUR Pastor.
Adam Blosser
lol
linda
I’m sure our wonderful pastor would welcome your prayers, and I choose to ignore the slap in the face you intended for me, Allen. You illustrated my point wonderfully.
Our pastor is a marvelous willing capable man. He came, assessed the church that was calling him, and decided to love and serve us. Not some mythological demographic he wants to reach that doesn’t even live in our town. Not the church he thinks we should be. Just a whole heap of loving, striving to serve Jesus Christians who probably don’t do everything just the way he wants us to do it, but are giving it our all. After several “beat the sheep” type of pastors he is a breath of fresh air.
Our church loves him, and under his leadership we all do everything we can to reach our town. Any given day (he is bivo) if he gets time to go by the church building he will probably find someone there mowing, cleaning, preparing for Sunday, taking care of the food pantry or clothes closet, prepping the tech stuff or practicing music, or putting a good saying (hopefully!) on the church sign.
He has accomplished more in 3 years than a string 4 or so pastors did here in 40
years. I seriously doubt we will be anything like we were when he came in another 5 years. He isn’t trying to be change agent, but OUR pastor. Funny thing is, that changes us. Big time.
I’m sure he gets discouraged and burned out. So do mama’s, child care providers, police officers, nurses, social workers, railroad crews, doctors–oh wait, I guess it happens to most who are called to lay down their lives for others.
So Allen, I’m glad you are not our pastor also, but not in the denigrating sense you used to put this old lady “in her place.” I’m glad because even if you are a wonderful pastor, we already have one. And if he ever leaves, and you need a job, and can fill his loving serving shoes, you might find yourself learning from some lowly pew packers who figured out long ago sacrificial living is hard on EVERYONE.
Tarheel
Well Linda,
You are quite blunt (I respect that) an you make excellent points.
Your last sentence is a gem. I hope all us pastors see it and ponder it deeply.
Yes, pastors are shepherds and leaders and and we have stresses unique to our “jobs” and they are intense and gut wrenching and difficult at times – but we must never forget that all Christians seeking to live to the glory of God in the situation he has placed them in do too.
Dave Miller posted that “the bragging throng” must stop – I agree – but so must the victim playing that a lot of us a pastors do.
(Actually he called it a bragging something else – but I will leave that alone- low hanging fruit 😉 (pun not intended)
I think what you have said is an important point to make…..
“Dave Miller posted that “the bragging throng” must stop – I agree – but so must the victim playing that a lot of us a pastors do.
While the theme around hurting Pastors is real, and the remedy is more scarce inside the church, there is a larger issue that you have identified as the “victim playing” that is important to talk about. Because the nexus of the victim player is selfish motives, whether that be a plea for real help, or a play for control. Both ends of those spectrums exist, where one leads to despondency and the other leads to inflicting fear on a congregation. And both are truly disastrous.
I do believe that the Apostle Paul has written and gives Christ’s heart in this matter ….because it is slavery and submission that weed out these two selfish extremes.
To Dave’s point as well,…there are many Pastors that exist in the despondent, yet obedient camp. These Pastors struggle day to day (I guess that is the “Black Dog” thing, and it is no doubt real). Yet, in many instances the church doesn’t know how to react to this situation, since a typical SBC congregation is about performance from a hired Pastor, and less about understanding how the Holy Spirit has gifted the church with a qualified man of God to participate among the congregation for its edification. So, the trend of hiring, firing, fear, and control will not cease until slavery, submission, faith, and obedience are truly explained, embraced and understood.
Just some thoughts,…thank you for yours!
Chris
I posted this one other time but thought this post warranted a repeat. Don’t forget that NAMB has a pastor support line. 1-844-Pastor1 As a pastor myself, I have often had to call friends in the ministry for prayer, support, encouragement, etc. The struggle is real but the help is also there. Blessings.
I’m not married, so this doesn’t presently affect me but I’ve seen it in the relationships of my pastor friends…
It’s great we have a hotline, but they need a call line for the wives of pastors as well. (Maybe they do have one, I’ve just yet to find one in the limited research I’ve done for my friends.)
I don’t know about a helpline, but NAMB does have an online ministry wives outreach called Flourish (http://flourish.me/). The Focus on the Family pastoral care line is also open to pastors and their family members. I’ve also been a member of an online non-denominational PW discussion board for several years that has been a great source of encouragement and friendship. http://www.pastorswives.org/
But yes, you’re absolutely right–PW’s need opportunities for networking and support as well. I’d love to see more associations and state conventions putting energy into creating such opportunities.
We are called to suffer, dear brother. In fact, we fill up what remains of Christ’s sufferings or, in other words, our suffering are His sufferings. And, the sufferings of this present age are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed. God grant you grace to see what I am saying.
I think that what you are saying is the same thing the author was trying to say.
You are right, Dave. As usual, but with a few exceptions.:)
I think he is absolutely right – though we reject and ridicule Osteen, there is more of his outlook in our thinking than we would want to admit – the idea that our ministries should be successful, rewarding, fulfilling, and make us happy here on earth.
Bless you, brother. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the deacon’s comment re: your lawn. As for social media bragging, I appreciated this tweet from one pastor, “Hope you guys are ready for some very LOW-KEY preaching! It’s going to be totally on the chain! We’re taking this to the whole same level!”
I may use that tweet on Sunday. That’s classic.
That reminds me…I need to get out and mow MY lawn.
Josh, I wanted to, but just didn’t have the nerve to post that tweet. But I’m headed in to early service for some “on the chain” worship!
I’m such a coward!
Credit goes to Jared Wilson on the tweet!
I’m put in mind of the letters of Jonathan Edwards. One was a lengthy explanation and defense of the awakening that took place in his church in Northampton, Mass.
He described how for 17 years he had preached and there had been no results. If I read the letter right, not a single convert. No response. My church hasn’t exactly set the statistical house on fire, but we’ve done better than that.
But after 17 years, suddenly God went to work. An awakening that changed the entire Colonial America.
Makes you wonder about the adage, “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.” Edwards did the same thing for 17 years with NO results. Changed nothing and suddenly there was revival.
Not exactly sure how to process that.
Thanks for that Dave. I was told that definition of insanity recently.
And for appreciation, the church fired him (Edwards). There were people and preachers who fought that Awakening every step of the way. However, there is no denying that the moral climate of the colonies improved, and the awakening provided a sameness in outlook which was a definite influence on the men who enlisted in the Patriots’ Cause.
I can relate to many things stated in this article, but what I have learned is that if I focus on the negativity, I will be unhappy. But if I focus on Jesus and what He is doing in the church among the people, I just don’t experience happiness, but eternal Joy. It keeps me going. Seek God and where He is working. Realize the greatest blessing is the eternal difference you make in others. And you are, even if you dont see it. That is faith. That is the key to overcoming the challenges in ministry. I truly empathize with my brother.
Unhappy and all you speak for, First of all, I thank you for your candor and honesty. I totally understand, have been there and, in some ways, are there now. However, I have learned after 25 years of pastoring under 100 churches in under 3,000 towns to do a few things that seem to help me not want to run away from the ministry:
– I tell anyone who will listen (and many who do not want to hear it) that I CANNOt get everything done that needs to be done and do not plan to try. If they want to help, I will let them. If they don ‘t then the ‘task’ remains undone.
– I try very hard to stay off the pedestal so many want to put a pastor on. I try hard to let others see I am just like them, limited, sinful and lacking expertise in many areas. I am not their spiritual superior. I am a colaborer. I just have been assigned a different role. This seems to tamp down expectations, mine and theirs…and that helps.
– I have learned to say ‘no’ and to defend my wife when she says ‘no’. It makes people mad (like church WMU presidents, DOMs and deacon chairmen). But we have both learned not to care.
– I have worked hard everywhere I have served to find like-minded pastors to share with and pray with on a very regular basis. They have never been fellow SBC pastors. Only one time was it the DOM.
– I put in a good day’s work and have learned to accept the fact that I have many unfinished tasks remaining. I refuse to beat myself up about this. I am more willing to apologize for what I have not gotten done than to work late into the night or on a day off to get it done…few things are that important. Of course there are some exceptions.
– I take all my days off and time off. Only a true emergency will cause me to work on a day off. My wife is my enforcer. She does a good job.
I hope these thoughts help to make your life as a pastor more bearable and even a little enjoyable. Jeremiah, Elijah and Paul all had it very rough. They all experienced periods of depression and disappointment (as have I). But I really believe they ‘enjoyed’ what they were doing and would not walk away from the ministry for all the tea in Syria.
…I have been more where you are now in the past. But this is where I am now. …Maybe its the meds (not talking allergy meds here). But whatever it is that allows me to enjoy the pastorate a bit more than I did the first 15 years or so, I am grateful!
Maybe a little levity?
http://youtu.be/08e9k-c91E8
Robin,
This is the best comment or post that has ever been put on Voices….ever! Thanks….
David
Awwww, I’m blushing.
Have you seen the Jack Sparrow meme that’s been going around? Classic!
Yes, I have seen it…its a good meme.
I’m not a pastor so cannot speak authoritatively about pastoral callings and the like. But I do have three suggestions for the conflicted pastor who wrote the post.
1) Read Psalm 37:4.
2) Believe it.
3) Act accordingly.
No, you are not a pastor…..
So … we found a verse that doesn’t apply to pastors?
Interesting.
Of course this verse applies to pastors, it biblical context. But I do not believe it is appropriate to try to apply this taken out of context verse to this situation. Would you share this verse with someone who is dying of cancer implying that their cancer or their lack of healing is because they are not trusting the Lord with all their heart? I really do not think you would, at least that is my hope! ….Same situation here. Not every verse applies to every situation we feel like applying it to. A lot of false teaching comes out of this practice. Bob, hope that helps. Sorry for the tone of my previous comment….guess I was just frustrated by what you suggested as ‘THE ANSWER’.
Bob. I can relate to yours AND Allen’s comments. Speaking as a Pastor of over 30 years experience; before I had children, I had at least 10 commandments for raising children. AFTER I had children, that dropped to 2 suggestions, and I’m not sure either of them will work. It is easy to follow God’s word, personally. It is much harder to influence others to do the same. Because sin still exists in this world.
I think your heart’s in the right place. More people need to have that attitude. And I’m not going to follow it up with a “However…”
The resurrected and ascended Christ spoke to Ananias about Paul and told him that he would show Paul “how much he would suffer for my name’s sake.” Could Paul have said, “Well, now that you mention it, I really don’t want to do all that if it means I’m going to be whipped, beaten, chased, arrested, and put to death?” In fact, not only pastors, but all Christians have been called to minister in some way. All ministry promises difficulty. We must do it knowing up front that we will be called to endure trials. Your example serves as a model to how we must continue to press on to the end when everything seems against us.
As for difficult churches, the pastors here can inform me because I don’t know: I have the feeling that many young pastors accept positions at difficult churches, not because they actually think it’s going to be so bad. Rather, they are either naive or like young women who marry rough men thinking that they are going to change their husbands for the better once the wedding bands go on.
I would also scold non-pastoral church leaders, and indeed congregations in general, who treat their pastors badly. They assume for themselves the role of the Jews and Romans who conspired to kill Jesus. If this is you and you are reading this right now, I would wonder if you are truly saved and warn you that it may not go well for you when Jesus returns. You have abused his man whom he has sent to care for you. Beware when his Lord returns.
Here are a few thoughts from an old Pastor.
1. Do not try to micro-manage all things. Stick to the important matters and allow the small matters to work themselves out.
2. Don’t put more on yourself than what God does. Some folks try to work themselves to death, when God is saying slow down, you’re ahead of me.
3. Don’t try to please everyone, you are not a Sugar Daddy.
4. Remember, some folks do not want help, they have everything figured out already, they think.
5. When you pray, forget what you think you know, (Theology and etc.) and allow the Holy Spirit to really speak to you. Your life will be changed. You will discover you have less trials than you thought possible and be a happier Pastor. God does at times lead a Pastor to another congregation.
Jess
very well said
If it might help, I will add my two cents worth from experience. There are trials in being a pastor, severe trials to say the least. Try this one on for size: The moderator of a business meeting says, “We could find nothing wrong with you, but we fired you anyway.” A deacon just previous to this announcement said, “We did this for your own good.” For your own good has resulted in no church or place to serve for nearly 19 years. Back when we used paper, I had enough rejection letters to paper a small subdivision. During this period, I also did not have a full time job – only some temps. In 2001 I had to withdraw my annuity to meet expenses, and soon it was gone. There is more, but let me say that God got us through to retirement and social security and a charity check from the annuity board as it was once called. And our son is our pastor. We had discouragements piled on discouragements, sort of like what those fellows use to sing on Hee Haw, but I cannot remember the words (perhaps you can). If it had not been for many helping along the way, I shudder to think what would have become of us. I could say more, like my wife is in a convalescence center, recovering from an infection. We have shelter and a roof over our head, thanks to our son and his church. There is more much more I could say about all four churches I served between 1962 and 1996. Perhaps, one say I will. God grants us grace for such trials, and some of you reading this might well be enduring such right now. If so, remember the same sufferings take place in the lives of your brethren (and sisters) in the ministry. Our Lord has a design in all of this. I came across a statement in a secular work, one that I suspect was written by a believer. He said, “Good and evil are asymmetrical.” That is saying they are not consistent. And we known the one who can manage the inconsistent, the most severe and most sordid of trials in this life. The proof of that facts is in the cross of Christ, the greatest crime and evil in human history. God decreed it, allowing for men to do what they pleased to our Savior/ However, His aim was to use even their evil to deal a death blow to Satan’s kingdom. The decisive battles of the Civil War were Gettysburg and Vicksburg; it was all down hill for the South after those events. The same can be said for Satan’s kingdom; the main battle, the Calvary, has been won, and it has been all down hill ever since. There are still hard battles to be fought, moping up actions that the Lord has assigned to us, battles that look like victories (Pyrrhic, of course, just like Golgotha) sometimes. We still have the time coming, when the Gospel will win the whole earth, the stone cut out of the mountain without human hands shall keep on smiting the old image in its feet of iron and clay until the whole is destroyed and the stone becomes the great mountain that fills the whole earth (Dan.2).
Dr. JW
The words to the Hee Haw song are as follows:
Gloom dispair and agony on me
Deep dark depression excessive misery
If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all
Gloom dispair and agony on me
Thank you, dear brother. I just knew someone would come up with the words, and it is a happy surprise to have them come from you, my favorite b-I-l. God bless.
Brother, I feel for you and with you. Where you are, I have been, and to tell the truth, am still there (though right now, not as much so as I sense you are). There is a reason why we are sometimes called–and I sometimes tell people–that another name for “pastor” is “professional cat herder.” And I mean that. I will pray for you as I hope you will for me. Were I not so tired, I would wax eloquent–OK, I would drone on a bit longer–but I am so I won’t.
John
I’m going to make what may be a very strange, and could even be naive, suggestion(particularly given I’m not a pastor). If you can’t yet read Susan Cain’s “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”, get it and read it.
This post first made me think of that because I suspect that part of the reason we tend towards Osteenism is that we live in a culture geared towards (as Cain puts it) the “Extrovert Ideal” (despite about half of people being introverted), and Osteenism is a good match for the extroverted. I first read (and enjoyed) “Quiet” because I *am* pretty much an introvert, and I needed to hear what she was saying. But I’ve since come to realize that we *do* live in a culture geared toward the “Extrovert Ideal”, and the church, rather than adjusting church life to compensate for the imbalance, has largely swallowed it whole. Swallowing the “Extrovert Ideal” whole makes us that much more prone to Osteenism.
But then I went back and reread the post, and what leaped out me was the word “drain” – “It is a constant drain”, “pastoring is a battery-draining…thing”. It stands out in this context because one of the defining marks of the introverted is that they find themselves drained by dealing with people, while extroverted are energized by dealing with people. You said ‘I am “on” all the time’. That’s the type of thing the extrovert revels in, but the introvert can only dread.
I’m not saying this will turn everything hunky-dory. Pastoring by itself *is* draining. But if the pastor is an extrovert, he’s at least got the advantage that dealing with people (and what is pastoring *but* dealing with people) energizes him. But the introvert pastor has both the “normal” drain of pastoring, plus the additional drain that an introvert dealing with people gets. If the introvert pastor fails to make sure he gets the alone time needed to recharge, all he has to look forward to is being constantly drained. Some of the things Allen Calkins says seem geared to dealing with that need to recharge, particularly “I take all my days off and time off”.
I agree, we’re not promised happiness. But if the burden is being increased because you’re an introvert who isn’t getting needed recharge time, then dealing with that issue should at least improve things.
I think about anyone in pastoral ministry has experienced some of what is described here. Some self-reflective questions I ask myself when I am unhappy in ministry, but am striving to find joy in the journey. I’ve found them to be helpful in my own walk — perhaps others may find them helpful too:
1. Do I love the people I serve? Is my ministry aim merely obedience or am I willing, like Paul, to “spend and be spent” for their souls?
2. Do I believe the people/person are genuinely converted? If so, do I believe that the Holy Spirit is at work in them?
3. Are there “glimpses of grace” that show some evidence of spiritual growth in the people I serve?
4. Do any of the criticisms aimed at me have any merit at all? Is there anything I can do to be a better pastor to these people?
5. Am I taking my days off, my vacation time, am I getting any kind of “Sabbath rest”?
6. Do I have a good support system of other pastors/believers who can encourage me in the work? If not, am I willing to find one? If so, am I utilizing that system?
That’s a good list.
Sadly with #2, I hear people say, “only X% of church members are truly saved” and apply it to those who come regularly. On the one hand when we have 400 “members” but 70 in attendance, yes that’s a problem. BUT, I prefer to operate under the assumption that those who actually show up regularly are actually saved, unless they give clear evidence otherwise. Seeing the gathered as Family rather than unregenerate does make a difference in attitude.
#3 is important… Seeing even a small amount of growth in people covers a lot of stupidity. Assumptions, like above: I also assume in most churches discipleship has been weak. Thus a person who is twice my age and been a church member for half a century might only be a spiritual toddler. When our three year old children shout in anger, “your stupid and ugly and I hate you,” a good parent won’t take that personally. When we get hit with the spiritual equivalent, sometimes we just have to bear with it as we help them grow to adulthood.
#6 is a must. It often isn’t naturally there and if we want it we have to be intentional to build it with other pastors in the area. Where I’m at we’ve built it in the town via our Ministerial Alliance, and in our association by a couple of us planning monthly meetings and encouraging others to participate. The latter me and another guy had to take the lead to create.
Also one guy in my association, when he first came he didn’t wait for other pastors to contact him; he sat a date and invited us to his church for coffee, doughnuts, and a meet and greet.
To all the NON-pastors reading this post — Let me encourage you to do everything you can to encourage, lift-up, support, work along-side, affirm, pray for, protect, care for, and fellowship with your pastor. Perhaps the biggest encouragement is seeing you grow in Christ-likeness as you strive to follow the Lord together.
Thanks, Todd. As a non-pastor involved in ministry in other ways, I pray for my pastors and offer substantive encouragement to them when I can. I stick up for them in conversation in their absence if I hear some question as to their character or unsubstantiated suggestions as to bad motives, and I try to do so in a positive way so that people learn to appreciate and not resent the pastors in any way. I know that I’m not alone in this. So to all the pastors here, know that someone has your back even if they don’t come right out and say it. Especially, know also that Jesus has your back because of the calling for which he has called you.
There is some great comments and encouragements listed in this thread. Honestly I must say that myself, as well as every other pastor I know, has experienced similar feelings and emotions over the course of ministry.
I would only add to the comments being made here that often people consider the “senior pastor” as the one for whom these types of lists and encouragements should apply – and often people (even sometimes senior pastors themselves) fail to realize that staff pastors are just a susceptible to the issues notated in the original post and equally need the encouragements spoken of in the comments.
I will borrow from Todd’s list above making the following point – I firmly believe that one of the important roles of a “senior pastor” is to encourage, lift-up, support, work along-side, affirm, pray for, protect, care for, and fellowship staff pastors.
On a personal note – In my over 20 years of serving in an associate pastor role I have served with pastors who understand this and a some who did not – likewise I have served in churches where the membership did not understand it – not coincidentally in churches where the “senior pastor” got this – the church tended to get it too—- the converse is also true. Thankfully I am in a church now where the senior pastor gets it, and the church as a whole does as well.
Pastors are pastors. Gifting and areas of leading are different – but we are all equally pastors. We are all in this together. I think many SBC churches do a poor job at encouraging and protecting their pastors – and often it is because we pastors ourselves do not value and protect one another and (probably unconsciously) propagate a hierarchy of “real pastors” and those who are not “senior pastors”. (Perhaps this paragraph is probably another thread altogether.)
Thank you, pastor anonymous.
Anonymous blogger is a teacher/elder who is forced to be a pastor. He agonizes over what the flock is missing out on by not growing, that’s an SBC elder. He can’t write a blog post about his feelings without trying to turn it into a teachable moment for others, that’s a teacher. But a pastor meets the people where they are and just takes care of them, and that work is burning him out because it isn’t him. He knows it is the right thing to be done, but it takes him away from his calling. Which means someone else is needed to do it.
Blogger needs some people to wait tables for him while he focuses on cracking the word and teaching it. Let’s pray for God to provide helpers for him.
Brother Pastor
I have come to this post to make a comment 5 times and then left not knowing what to say. I am not sure now what to say but here goes anyway. (1) I have been there (2) If you have made mistakes, admit it to your people and make correction (3) If your leadership is correct and you are comfortable with your decisions, then go to bed and sleep like a baby. That may sound like a cop out but my brother that is all you can do because hard-hearted people are a reality in any church. Don’t let them win (4) I know we all agree that there is joy in heaven for our faithfulness. However I think we can expect joy on this earth. I am in my 50th year of ministry and have been to hell and back on more than one occasion. Notice I said “and back”. God is faithful. However, today I am a very happy and fulfilled man. I am doing trouble shooting and crisis management with my Pastors whom I love dearly, teaching senior level Systematic courses in our college and working with my pastor/son in his church. Life in my winter years is good. I pray that God will grant you the same. I also pray that our Heavenly Father will grant you grace upon grace.
I will put you on my primary prayer list, that I use each morning, for the next 10 days. After that time if I need to continue shoot me an email and we will talk.
From one in the pews, I know I do not really understand what it is like for you. But it sounds like you really don’t like the people in your church and that they don’t live up to your unspoken expectations. What do you want concretely for them to do? I expect many of them have burdens of which you have no idea.
That’s an excellent point too Karen!
We gotta remember that our church members are working in jobs with people they may not like – or feel unappreciated by.
They have stressors at home too.
They have frustrations with thier pastors and fellow church members.
Ministry is hard as is life for everyone else.
Dear Anonymous,
You may not be ready to Pastor your targets just yet, because your expectations are not what the church needs. I truly hope your desire changes….because where your heart is, …is where your treasure truly is.
Observations from your rant (and btw,..all of us that do Pastor have had these things run through our heads; so you will get a lot of pats on the back by many).
1. You expect to be happy (joyful). Ok, that is a Godly pursuit, yet how is happiness (joy) measured?
2. Joy is tallied by trials, and other things. Some do not see it as joy/or being happy…they only feel the sting, while never knowing the application.
3. Believe me, if the “lawn mowing” comments really did make you think, your not quite ready to minister to that guy. Believe me, these guys and your church are begging for a leader,…what an opportunity! I long for the day I can have a conversation about mowing my lawn!
4. “That’s life in the American church”. That is truly your most challenging problem. America is in love with selfish motives…so, again; what an opportunity to lead the flock in front of you away from those expectations. Those will be enjoyable trials with lots of fireworks.
5. God has not sent you to rant or even think things demeaning about your flock. Phil 2:ff
6. Who cares about mega-churches!… the only difference between your church and a mega-church is “mega”.
Most of all,… as my wife says on occasion “its time to put your big boy pants on”. Moses, Jeremiah, and others were essentially told the same thing. God’s plan is not changing, maybe yours, mine, our minds and hearts will. As Moses and all the others repented, they realized where real joy comes from…..
Hope things result in the expectations you desire, in the near future. Evaluate your expectations well!
With the understanding that books are not cure all pills that magically solve problems, I would recommend a book to all struggling pastors and all pastors really. It helped me see several things in a different light:
“The Pastor’s Justification” by Jared C Wilson
I was not sure what kind of responses to expect in writing a post like this. The biggest problem is that I am determined to remain anonymous and so I cannot be any more specific than I was.
Some of the commenters certainly have jumped to conclusions that I do not feel are accurate. Some have felt qualified to judge my motives, my qualifications as a pastor, my personality.
My motive was to express what I’ve experienced and what I’ve heard from other preachers – blissful happiness is not universal among those of us who serve churches. I’d like to clarify a few things, though, which I feel were misunderstood or misinterpreted.
1. I differentiate between joy in Christ and happiness, a distinction I made in the original post, but evidently not clearly enough. I find joy in Christ, in his grace, in his sovereignty, his purposes of grace in this world, and in what he is doing in my life. I don’t always find happiness in the day to day burdens of life, and I get very frustrated with the progress of the church I serve. Very.
2. My point is that I do not believe that earthly happiness is a key factor in ministry, as biblically defined. God calls us to serve him. I doubt Paul had fun in prison in Rome for 2 years, or in Caesarea, or when he was being beaten, or shipwrecked. I think the idea that I should enjoy my ministry is an American heresy – Osteenism – not a biblical truth.
In other words, I don’t think God is primarily motivated by whether I’m happy in this ministry or not. I’m called to walk in holiness and be faithful. That’s what I’m trying to do. Sometimes I’m happy. Often I’m not. Honestly, that’s not a huge issue, is it?
The negative assumptions by Chris, Fred, Karen, Jess, Bob, and others do not represent how I feel. If I communicated badly, I only plead that I am limited in expressing myself. It is just not possible to be more specific without identifying myself, and that would be unwise.
3. I don’t hate my “sheep.” I love them. I think if you asked them, they’d tell you I’m a loving and caring pastor. I preach, teach, visit, marry, bury, counsel, pray, grieve, agonize with them. And yet everything else I said about them is true as well – as a whole. We have some great and godly people here, but I have deep frustrations as a pastor. I cannot go into more detail because I want to remain anonymous.
Many of the sheep under my care are difficult. I realize that by remaining anonymous I exposed myself to such sniping. That’s on me, but anonymity is necessary. I will stand before God and give account. I take that seriously. I am trying to be a good shepherd to my sheep.
I don’t understand is why it bothers people so much that I admit that I don’t particularly find the work fun. I find joy in serving Christ and being obedient. But am I required to be blissfully happy in my ministry? Is it sin to serve in a pastorate when you don’t find it fun?
Can someone defend that theory – that pastoring should be fun – from the Bible?
That has been my point. If I expressed it poorly, I am sorry. But is having fun an essential part of my ministry?
I think that it is easy for a pastor to hate his job if he believes his job is to change people. It is not our job as pastors to change people that is God’s job. We are merely the ones who carry God’s Word to sinners and redeemed sinners. What they do with that Word is on them not on us.
Jeff
Anonymous Pastor has alluded to something that is frustrating to me. We have become conditioned as pastors not to share what God is doing in our churches or how special our churches may be to us because other pastors might be discouraged. I never want to discourage another pastor so I have followed this newfound rule for pastors. I have learned to share a few quirky one liners when other pastors ask me about how VBC is doing. The truth is there are many pastors who love their churches, are genuinely excited about what God is doing in their churches and love speaking about these things.
I do believe discouragement or resentment in our lives because something great is happening somewhere else or to someone else indicates a victory for the enemy in our spiritual warfare.
That’s right, Dean.
“Professional” jealousy is a very real and Present danger.
Also, the tendancy of church folk, and pastors ourselves, to “compare” our “success” against the church/pastor down the road, on the TV, on the net, or at the conference – is a joy draining Exercise.
Christ does not say to his servants “well done my good and successful servant” – he says “well done my good and *faithful* servant.
I think my comment that follows deviates somewhat from the main intent of your post, but I think it otherwise generally fits.
My thought, intended to be an encouraging one, was to remind the author of I Timothy 4:2. The author is clearly faithful to the job and to his calling. It also sounds like he might be ‘out of season’ at present. I’d just encourage him to remember that the verse was written to an audience of preachers that might originate from two camps – an ‘in season’ camp or those for which everything is going pretty well, and also to an ‘out of season’ camp or those for which the the daily job responsibilities begin to grind. The context of the verse would seem to indicate that he/we are responsible for the faithfulness, and that the seasons – well, they (both) come and go. I often wonder how William Carey felt the first 20 years of his missionary work. Signed, TIm Snider, Baptist layman
After a bit of bantering back and forth with Dave about this post Sunday afternoon, the message of the post still bugs me, because I’m yet to be convinced it approaches ministry from a biblical perspective (So, I’m glad Dave chose to open it up again). I guess, at a minimum Dave and I disagree on what is being said by the author, so, I’ll at least try to explain my contention with the attitude,…as I am hearing it,… expressed by Anonymous. Since Anonymous seems to be unhappy, yet not at risk at his church, or mentally. I could be way out in left field on the intent of the author…but, I’ve just heard and experienced this type of approach to ministry over the years….and I’m just am not buying into the concept. As I told Dave, there is a half glass full approach, and a glass half empty approach. The former is more attractive to me… at least,…since we are born again into freedom.
1. It appears the author is encouraging faithful pastors to keep keeping on…for that I am thankful. So obedience, no matter the circumstances is a good thing…right, right. “Obedience is better than sacrifice”.
2. Yet, the other message I heard, and resulted in my previous rant…. is based in the attitude that the Pastor is somehow being held by God against his will (through job searches, etc.), to minister to this group of misfits, and that is being blamed on God, and the Pastor is somehow the “Hulk” like fiction character (green with unhappiness) able to withstand the pesky church. But, its all for God.
3. Somehow this sets the Pastor apart/above this pesky church which he is a part. But, the pastor, in his great affection for God, and his great disdain for the pesky church is overtly obedient….up until the time the pastor is willing to gladly split out of the scene if an opportunity arises. All this is so… “not” what scriptures teaches…..
4. The Apostle to the church at Philippi encouraged…. Philippians 2:12-30… “complete my joy”… and he steers the church on how to accomplish this….by being a slave,..not just to God (that’s the easy one), but to every member of the church….and with an attitude that brings about unity (serving, washing of feet attitude) willing stay because the effort of the staying “is” what brings joy through the work of the Spirit.
I’ve just heard so many Pastors, over the years, beat the triumphal drum of enduring pesky churches for God…convincing themselves they get a gold medal for the endurance, while never giving heartfelt love to the individual wanting, while erroneously engaging, the Pastor to mow his grass a little better (maybe should take the opportunity to mow the lawn with him). I’m afraid, that without the “serving slave aspect”, and true “humbling attitude”, of the heart toward all the church (seen in Christ/Philippians); all the while never understanding the gravity that as Pastor you are only the next member of the collective, not some guy eagerly looking for the next mission assignment…..the Pastor is destined to remain unhappy, frustrated, and longing for God to allow him to move to the next assignment…please (the ole God called me to another ministry ploy). That Pastor misses out on the Spirit’s revealing of joy in the midst of service and trial.
As I explained to Dave, my initial comments were not intended to be negative. In fact, the message I was hearing portrayed was negative (many, if not all, have been tempted by these same things in ministry)….yet this “revealed attitude of disgust in the churches performance” was being shrouded in a cloak of Godly obedience seemingly separated from this pesky, uncooperative church (portrayed as the misfits inflicting the pain). Maybe I was just hearing it wrongly…if so, my deepest and sincere apologies are in order to Anonymous! I just hear the Apostle Paul instructing Pastors to take action with other members of the church through the lens of a Spirit empowered slave (implying joy through submission) to them.
Chris,
For what it’s worth – I failed to see negativity or judgementalism in your post. I thought, and still think you are offering solid counsel.
It’s always bothered me over the years to see pastors essentially “talk trash” about the churches (read people) they’re called to serve – constantly looking for opportunities to leave that church and just simply and joyfully cut and run at the first opportunity – or seemingly incessantly, and with much support from other pastors, pat themselves on the back for “remaining faithful in a hostile environment”.
Certainly I believe at various points in the life of a pastor that godly desire leads them to different places to do different things – and I understand that new desires and new directions should bring excitement for that adventure – but I’ve never been able to grasp why some pastors seem to be exuberant about leaving a church to go to another – it’s almost like A presidential election it’s not an idea of voting for someone it’s more of an idea of voting against someone – meaning it’s not that they’re not so much looking to go to a new field of ministry and serving new people than it is that they’re excited about leaving the current ministry. ( it’s kind a like a Presidential election it’s not an idea of voting for someone it’s more of an idea of voting against someone)
Or another way to say it might be it’s not that they’re so much looking to go to a new field of ministry than it is that they’re excited about leaving the current ministry that they’re in. I’m just not sure that’s a godly perspective.
I’m going to try those last two paragraphs again – sorry about that – I just got to quit posting on my phone – especially using the voice feature!
Certainly, I believe at various points in the life of a pastor that godly desire leads them to different places to do different things – and I understand that new desires and new directions should bring excitement for that adventure – but I’ve never been able to grasp why some pastors seem to be exuberant about leaving a church to go to another ( it’s kind a like a Presidential election it’s not an idea of voting FOR someone it’s more of an idea of voting AGAINST someone.)
Or another way to say it might be it’s not that they’re so much looking excitedly to go to a new field of ministry than it is that they’re excited about leaving the current ministry that they’re in. I’m just not sure that’s a godly perspective..
Tarheel,…yes, I was only trying to convey a message that is rarely put forth by Pastors, because Pastors have a tough job (like many out there) and can be led to believe a false narrative about being a hero for God, eventually leading to unsavory remarks about other fellow members,…as if those members exist in their own private bubble with the Pastor fighting feverishly to bust through the veneer and experience happy, compliant, obedient sheep. I’ve never bought into that semi-popular false narrative.
The Apostle Paul makes it clear that the false narrative is to be avoided.
Just to lighten things up a bit. I’ve been an evangelist for 37 years. I did pastor for 5 years however I was a horrible pastor. Yet in that 5 years God was preparing me for this ministry.
Jesus was walking down the street and saw a guy setting beside the road crying. Jesus asked him why he was crying. The man said, I’m blind, I can’t see. Jesus touched him and heals him and he went away seeing and rejoicing.
He went down the street a little further and he saw another guy crying. Jesus asked him why he was crying. He answered, I’m lame, I can’t walk. Jesus touched him and healed him and he went away walking and rejoicing.
Then Jesus saw another guy setting beside the road and he was crying. He was crying louder than the other two. Jesus asked him why he was crying. He said, I’m a Baptist pastor. Jesus set down and wept with him. 🙂
Seriously, I have great respect for pastors. Especially those who go and stay. God bless you!
Tim
I also have great respect and love for pastors. I pastored 30 years, up’s and down’s heartache and joy but by and large it was good.
I have now been a DOM (don’t use that name but…) in Montana for 22 years. I had more stress and heartache in a single year as a pastor than I have had in the 22 years combined here in Montana. Far and away Pastor’s have the hardest task in the Kingdom…not close second.
Mention was made in the Conference at MWBTS to do away with DOMs and the local associations, and it seems like efforts are already under way to do that very thing. It is aided and abetted by pastors who do not feel or see the need for a local association and not even a state convention. My answer is that the local association is the one grouping other than the local church for which a biblical case can be made. Seeing how an associational missionary, as they were called, when I began my ministry, or a DOM can encourage and strengthen and even help a local church to survive, it is foolish to do away with the local organization which can also help to keep local churches within the bounds of the Confession of Faith without being overbearing in the matter. The state convention serves a useful purpose, namely, to provide influence on state government, and the SBC can influence the national government. You all need to take a closer look at Al Mohler’s remarks about the Pope’s address to the US Congress, adding notice that he is flanked in the rear by the VP and the Speaker of the House, both Roman Catholics. Then you will also want to notice that the new suggestion of the gentleman who was a presidential candidate does not note that he is Roman Catholic, too. And then I call your attention to the fact that the Supreme Court majority is also Roman Catholic. You would think in North Carolina that the North Carolina Baptists, being number one in size and membership, would be an item for the news the majority of the time, but the Roman Catholics who passed up the Methodists and took second place are almost an item of daily reporting. I would also call attention to the fact that the razzle dazzle, whoofil (sp?) dust in your eyes, folks have been the RCs in years past with their tons of wood of the original cross and many other kinds of remains. While we appreciate the apologies of the priests to the Waldensians, it took about 40 years for the Pope to get around to doing it. Having so spoken, I am still ready to preach in the Vatican, if the Pope should ask me. I think that was the great Evangelist George Whitefield’s idea, too, but one wonders how much weight the message would carry in view of the situation. One can always hope and pray for the best. I have made it a point for 42 years to pray for a Third Great Awakening with a view to the conversion of every soul on earth, fulfilling the promises of Isa.11:9; Hab.2:14; Dan.2; Ps.72:19; et. al. I even expect such a fulfillment that it will continue for a total of 1000 generations and about 900,000 years.
The post could be written from the point of view of the unhappy church member.
So often we are honest and upfront with a perspective pastor as to our beliefs, our goals, our local demographics, our finances, and our target demographics. Said potential pastor seems to think he is a good fit for the very real church in that location. Then he arrives and wants everything changed and is totally shocked when people don’t jump on board, and cannot understand why his leadership lacks followership.
Must be those blamed sheep love their traditions more than they love Jesus.
Or wait–maybe they are fervently traditionalists and believe Calvinism is of the devil himself. Or vice versa. Or maybe they were clear up front they sing hymns, or contemporary, or southern gospel, or rap, or whatever fits their beliefs and community. Led to believe the potential pastor was cool with it, they are not about to switch to hit his target demographic, preferring he aim at theirs.
I guess what this old grandma is saying is that Jesus is the head of the church, not the pastor. That being an elder requires some years and miles, not a degree. And that pastors are called to serve churches that are, not churches the pastor wants them to be.
And feeling eaten by minnows daily, with the work never done, sounds a lot like motherhood. Which isn’t all that far from pastoring in some ways.
Cowboy up!
Wow…praying for YOUR Pastor.
lol
I’m sure our wonderful pastor would welcome your prayers, and I choose to ignore the slap in the face you intended for me, Allen. You illustrated my point wonderfully.
Our pastor is a marvelous willing capable man. He came, assessed the church that was calling him, and decided to love and serve us. Not some mythological demographic he wants to reach that doesn’t even live in our town. Not the church he thinks we should be. Just a whole heap of loving, striving to serve Jesus Christians who probably don’t do everything just the way he wants us to do it, but are giving it our all. After several “beat the sheep” type of pastors he is a breath of fresh air.
Our church loves him, and under his leadership we all do everything we can to reach our town. Any given day (he is bivo) if he gets time to go by the church building he will probably find someone there mowing, cleaning, preparing for Sunday, taking care of the food pantry or clothes closet, prepping the tech stuff or practicing music, or putting a good saying (hopefully!) on the church sign.
He has accomplished more in 3 years than a string 4 or so pastors did here in 40
years. I seriously doubt we will be anything like we were when he came in another 5 years. He isn’t trying to be change agent, but OUR pastor. Funny thing is, that changes us. Big time.
I’m sure he gets discouraged and burned out. So do mama’s, child care providers, police officers, nurses, social workers, railroad crews, doctors–oh wait, I guess it happens to most who are called to lay down their lives for others.
So Allen, I’m glad you are not our pastor also, but not in the denigrating sense you used to put this old lady “in her place.” I’m glad because even if you are a wonderful pastor, we already have one. And if he ever leaves, and you need a job, and can fill his loving serving shoes, you might find yourself learning from some lowly pew packers who figured out long ago sacrificial living is hard on EVERYONE.
Well Linda,
You are quite blunt (I respect that) an you make excellent points.
Your last sentence is a gem. I hope all us pastors see it and ponder it deeply.
Yes, pastors are shepherds and leaders and and we have stresses unique to our “jobs” and they are intense and gut wrenching and difficult at times – but we must never forget that all Christians seeking to live to the glory of God in the situation he has placed them in do too.
Dave Miller posted that “the bragging throng” must stop – I agree – but so must the victim playing that a lot of us a pastors do.
(Actually he called it a bragging something else – but I will leave that alone- low hanging fruit 😉 (pun not intended)
Tarheel,
I think what you have said is an important point to make…..
“Dave Miller posted that “the bragging throng” must stop – I agree – but so must the victim playing that a lot of us a pastors do.
While the theme around hurting Pastors is real, and the remedy is more scarce inside the church, there is a larger issue that you have identified as the “victim playing” that is important to talk about. Because the nexus of the victim player is selfish motives, whether that be a plea for real help, or a play for control. Both ends of those spectrums exist, where one leads to despondency and the other leads to inflicting fear on a congregation. And both are truly disastrous.
I do believe that the Apostle Paul has written and gives Christ’s heart in this matter ….because it is slavery and submission that weed out these two selfish extremes.
To Dave’s point as well,…there are many Pastors that exist in the despondent, yet obedient camp. These Pastors struggle day to day (I guess that is the “Black Dog” thing, and it is no doubt real). Yet, in many instances the church doesn’t know how to react to this situation, since a typical SBC congregation is about performance from a hired Pastor, and less about understanding how the Holy Spirit has gifted the church with a qualified man of God to participate among the congregation for its edification. So, the trend of hiring, firing, fear, and control will not cease until slavery, submission, faith, and obedience are truly explained, embraced and understood.
Just some thoughts,…thank you for yours!
I posted this one other time but thought this post warranted a repeat. Don’t forget that NAMB has a pastor support line. 1-844-Pastor1 As a pastor myself, I have often had to call friends in the ministry for prayer, support, encouragement, etc. The struggle is real but the help is also there. Blessings.
I’m not married, so this doesn’t presently affect me but I’ve seen it in the relationships of my pastor friends…
It’s great we have a hotline, but they need a call line for the wives of pastors as well. (Maybe they do have one, I’ve just yet to find one in the limited research I’ve done for my friends.)
I don’t know about a helpline, but NAMB does have an online ministry wives outreach called Flourish (http://flourish.me/). The Focus on the Family pastoral care line is also open to pastors and their family members. I’ve also been a member of an online non-denominational PW discussion board for several years that has been a great source of encouragement and friendship. http://www.pastorswives.org/
But yes, you’re absolutely right–PW’s need opportunities for networking and support as well. I’d love to see more associations and state conventions putting energy into creating such opportunities.