Death and life are in the power of the tongue. ~ Proverbs 18:21
Most of us probably heard the rhyme from our mothers at some point in our childhoods: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Why do we seek to instill such rhymes into the minds of our children? Because, we all have experienced the truth:
Words do hurt.
The Bible tells us repeatedly that the tongue is a powerful member among the parts of our body. Solomon said that in the tongue reside death and life. In a rather frightening passage, James wrote that the tongue though small is like a rudder that guides a large ship. It is “a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life and set on fire by hell” (3:2-6).
As part of the slow and sometimes painful process of sanctification which God is working in my life, thoughts of the tongue have recently filled my mind.
I’m one of those people who once I get going, I can say a lot; but initially, I tend to keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself. Lest I use that to boast James 1:19, God has reminded me that many times when I do speak bitter sarcasm drips quickly from my lips. Most of the time I mean it to be humorous: little wry shots at people towards whom I hold no animosity. However, my anger tends to assume passive aggressive forms; so when I am mad at someone, it tends to come across also as little wry shots of sarcasm.
Such words are flaming arrows meant to maim.
In a couple of weeks I’ll be preaching on Ephesians 5:1-21 and our need for holy character as followers of Jesus and together as a church. Paul wrote, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” As imitators of God who are to walk in love and live as children of the light, we are to seek purity in our speech.
Dirty jokes, put downs, gossip, wounding sarcasm…etc. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).
I don’t have a source, I have simply heard it said: it takes ten positive affirmations to overcome a single negative statement made to us. Sometimes, it seems, it takes more than that. As a friend of mine said to me the other day, “You can have ninety-nine people tell you, ‘Good sermon,’ but when one person comes up and says, ‘That was pretty bad,’ you end up dwelling the rest of the day on that one criticism.”
You hear stories now and then about adults who have either ruined their lives or, to the opposite end, nearly work themselves to death, all because their father or mother said (sometimes in a moment of anger) to them as a child, “You’ll never amount to anything.”
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. ~ Proverbs 16:24
It seems like the spotlight shone upon Christianity in our culture most brightly illuminates people like those from a certain cult in Kansas who picket funerals with signs with messages that should be shameful to repeat. They certainly know nothing of Paul’s admonition from Colossians 4:5-6, “Walk in wisdom towards outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
We might not be able to keep them out of the spotlight, since we can neither control them nor the ones pointing their cameras in their direction. However, are we truly giving better testimonies with our lives?
What about the times that I gossip about that other person? What about the times where I vent my frustrations about others with a few choice words? What about the times where I let my anger overcome me at church business meetings? What about the times where I cut down those I love, let alone those I struggle to love? What about the comments I write on blogs? What about the sharp snippets I post on Facebook or Twitter? What about…
Maybe one of those statements describes you, or maybe several of them do. Maybe the struggle of your tongue is different than mine or the people you sing with on Sunday mornings.
With [the tongue] we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, these things ought not to be so. ~ James 3:9-10
I want my life to give a better witness. I want people to be encouraged by what I have to say, and not torn down. I want people to see Christ magnified and exalted. I want my words to be the sweetness of a honeycomb. I want even my rebukes, when necessary, to come seasoned with salt.
And what a blessing the church could be to the brokenness of our culture if we began to truly practice the disciplines of a tongue not set on fire by hell, but purified by the fire of the Spirit in holiness, love, and grace.
Sovereign Lord, give us tongues and mouths that honor you and show grace to others. Forgive us our lackadaisical concern for holiness and purity in all that we say. Empower us to be slow to speak, quick to listen, and steadfast in speaking words of wisdom and love. Our mouths can result in mighty things, both good and evil. May our words be only for the glory of you through Christ. Amen.
I can’t fail to notice this had no comments until now. I am convicted and in agreement with you. Bones heal, the deep scars plowed by hurtful words can take a lifetime to heal. Sometimes they don’t. Communication is at the heart of what it is to be human. We have the ability to communicate richly. Our God communicated with us. Sin entered through the spoken word. (talk about a flaming fire from hell!) We bless and we curse with the very breath blown in to us by God. We take this ability to bless and bring beauty, and instead tear down and destroy. It is truly a terrible thing. Lord I am a man of unclean lips and I come from a people of unclean lips.
Thanks… Yeah, the post seemed to have gone up at a time when a lot of discussion was going on with two other posts, do I think it got lost in the background… But I know at least a few people read it and got something out of it, and that’s what matters 🙂
I had not seen this till this a post was made on it. In fact I rarely see new posts until a comment is made…
Is there anyway that the info stream on the right can highlight new articles?
This article is very helpful to me. I cannot begin to tell you how much so. Thank you.
Not to highjack your thread, Mike….but If I may I would like to share something.
I freely admit say I too struggle with the biting tongue of sarcasm. (hear that collective gasp of disbelief, NOT). It is the mode of humor that often employ. However, like you Mike when I get aggravated, or frustrated the humor of my sarcasm turns to biting and hurtful zingers. It’s something I have always struggled with. I know it, yet I often find myself falling prey to this particular sin over and over again. I am able to identify with Paul in Romans 7…doing the very things that I do not want to do.
In my personal dealings, where people know me, not only my name but really know me, my sarcasm and humor tends to go over much better. People know my heart and can assess my words based on that knowledge. HOnestly, I also tend to think before I actually speak – sadly I have not mastered that art on the internet. Forums like this typically do not allow for that especially when disagreements ensue.
To be honest I have seen on this blog where truly my harmless intent of sarcasm or humor has been misinterpreted and I have been accused of ill intent when none was there. However, I must also believe that, in part that misunderstanding might come from the following – – There also have been times when I have precisely aimed my zingers with much less than harmless and Christ like intent. In fact often I have used them to be a jerk.
I do not desire to be a jerk, but realize I am sometimes one on the internet.
The fact that use a pseudonym is not the problem…the problem is deeper than that…the problem is within me…the problem is that while I am being renewed day by day, I still posses my sin nature while in this body. I also sin because I want to. I zing because I want to. I am a jerk because it makes me feel like I am winning a debate when I “shut someone up”..that goes back to my pride. I react in kind to the way I perceive that I am treated, not out of righteousness but out of spite and retribution. That is wrong. That is sinful. That is an affront to an Holy God. That is hurtful to my brothers and sisters in Christ.
My offenses were public, so will be my apology.
Tim R., CB, Rick and Dwight I am sorry. While I will likely continue to hold great disagreement with much of what you post, as I am you will with me, and will likely respond to it in conversation…I invite you to interact if you will. We do not have to be enemies. We are brothers. I need to remember that. I will try to do better.
Mr. Miller I am sorry for being a burr in your side as moderator…Ive made you work way too hard. 😉
Brothers and sisters, please pray for me. Pray that as I truly seek to deny the desires of my flesh, that I will take seriously the call to be holy in all of my conduct.
(God knows my real name, and He knows by Tarheel – so if you know my real name use that in your prayers…if you only know me as Tarheel us that…I only ask that you pray for me that I will walk in the newness of life provided by Christ to such a worm as I.)
thank you, Tarheel.
Tarheel,
I appreciate what you have said here and the spirit with which you said it. I forgive you. I also allowed my tone toward you to become less than admirable. Please forgive me. Be blessed.
Dwight, thanks for acknowledging my comments – your spirit of forgiveness is quite humbling.
No, Mr. Miller. It’s you who deserves the thank you.
Sometimes, there are topics that kinda suck the air out of the room. Usually, good posts like this are pushed aside. Unfortunately, that happened to this one.