Ed Stetzer, the mega-genius behind LifeWay’s research wing, has made a convention altering discovery about how to identify Calvinists in the SBC.
A few years ago, the anti-Calvinist contingent of Tennessee was circulating a lengthy questionnaire designed to smoke out the hidden Calvinists among us. It was way too complicated, allowing some Calvinists to use the confusion to slip in surreptitiously.
According to Stetzer’s new research, there is a much simpler way to distinguish the soteriological camps. It all boils down to one thing.
Facial hair.
Young SBC Calvinists wear goatees. Non-Calvinists tend to be clean-shaven. If you see an under-35 pastor and he has partial facial hair, he’s at least a four pointer. Probably five. Of course, there are a few exceptions to every rule.
Evidence also indicated that a full beard usually indicated both Calvinism and moderate alcohol consumption.
Let’s do a little identification experiment. Can you identify the friends of Johnny C?
Did you get it right that time? Try this exercise.
There has been debate over whether Trevin Wax is a Calvinist. The jury is still out on that one. As soon as he gets old enough to grow facial hair, we will find out.
Is Ed Stetzer a Calvinist? I have no idea. But I have pictures….
