I used to live on the “Field of Dreams” side of the state of Iowa and I’ve been by there a few times. Recent weather patterns leave no one questioning whether this is heaven. It’s certainly not the Lake of Fire either – too cold for that. But my silly little title leads into my silly little question.
I’ve seen some odd trends developing in funerals in my neck of the woods recently and I wonder if it is just a western Iowa/eastern Nebraska/southern South Dakota thing (we aren’t called the Tri-State region for nothing) or if it is a national trend. I raised it on Facebook and got some interesting answers, so I thought I would ask here, and perhaps add a few more things.
I’ve been doing funerals for nearly 4 decades and I have some great stories – which I’m not going to tell. But one of the things that I’ve noticed is that funeral practices differ greatly in different regions. In Cedar Rapids, few people wanted me to read the obituary but here in Siouxland I have done so at every single funeral in 11 years. In Cedar Rapids, we almost never did “prayer services” but here we do them all the time. They aren’t really prayer services but actually sharing services. At the family visitation, the night before the funeral people gather around and after the pastor reads a scripture and says a prayer pe0ple share their remembrances of the deceased. They are either wonderful times or painfully inappropriate and embarrassing!
But I have noticed some newer trends in funerals. I’m not saying they are good or bad, but they are definitely new. The first one will be controversial, of course, but the others are just logistical. My question is whether these trends are local or national. My initial results, from my Facebook post, seem to indicate that the results are common across the nation. So, here are the trends:
1. Cremation.
When I began in the ministry (February 1, 1982 – full time) the percentage of Bible-believing Christians who were cremated for burial was really small – something approaching my Iowa Hawkeyes’ chances of winning next year’s NCAA football playoff. More realistically, maybe the percentage was more like my Hawkeyes chances of MAKING the playoff. Christians got buried. Buddhists got cremated.
Today, I would guess that my burial approaches 50% cremations – that might be slightly high, but it’s not far off. People don’t get cremated for religious or symbolic reasons, but for other reasons.
- It is cheaper.
- People don’t like the idea of folks gaping at their corpses, so they opt for cremation and an urn.
- I’m sure plenty of other reasons abound.
Many feel it is wrong. My opinion is that cremation is a matter of Christian freedom. Burial is a better way of handling the body that symbolizes our belief in the bodily resurrection to come, but I do not think cremation is sinful.
When I served in Florida (did only a few funerals) and in Virginia I did almost no cremation memorial services. I did a few in Cedar Rapids and now in Sioux City I am doing more and more of them.
2. People are disrespectful to funeral processions.
I am old enough to remember when just about everyone would stop what they were doing, doff their hats, and stand in silent respect as a funeral procession rolled by. No more. I was riding in the hearse in Cedar Rapids, headed to a cemetary. In the back was a decorated war hero. It angered me the way people buzzed by us, the disdainful looks, the way people acted. Of course, they had no way of knowing he was a war hero, but there was a grieving family going by and it didn’t seem too much to ask that they pause for a second to show some respect.
We can probably wax eloquent about societal trends here.
3. Long delays for funerals.
I used to be able to guess when a funeral would be when I got word that someone had died. Mrs. McGillicutty passed away at 11 am Monday? Funeral would likely be Thursday afternoon, maybe Friday morning. Now, it is not unusual for families to wait a week, two weeks, even three weeks to do the funerals. Arranging for people to travel is difficult and our lives are so booked that few can just drop everything, even for a funeral.
It still seems a little weird to me. On Facebook, Alan Cross said that the longer wait for funerals has been more common in minority cultures and the 3-day wait is more of an Anglo thing.
4. Saturday funerals.
There was a time funeral homes would almost not allow Saturday funerals. They cost extra and were discouraged. Recently, I would hazard a guess that the majority of the services I’ve done are on the Seventh Day. Laid to rest on the Sabbath – not that bad of an idea, perhaps. But the first time I had a Saturday funeral it felt weird. It was one, I think, where there had been a cremation, a long wait, and the funeral home was not actually involved.
Now, I almost expect that funerals will be on Saturday.
I understand the trend. People are busy, don’t want to miss work, have to set up schedules. It’s just an odd thing because it wasn’t that long ago that it just wasn’t done, at least in the circles I worked.
5. No visitation
I have told people that the most difficult thing they will go through sometimes is not the funeral but the 2 to 3 hours of visitation the night before. That is especially true in big funerals where an unceasing line of guests come through. It is a blessing, but it is also exhausting and emotionally draining. Also, if there is any tragedy attached to the death, it can be multiplied by the things people say in vain attempts to bring comfort.
In recent years I have noticed that it is becoming more common not to have these family visitations, or to have them just before the service. Why? Often it is a money-saving move. The funeral home charges for both services and people don’t want to pay, so they combine the two into one and the costs go down. I’d say there is still a visitation most of the time around here but the percentages are decreasing.
- Do you see these trends?
- Do you see other trends?
- What do you think drives these? Costs? Cultural changes? Convenience?
The floor is yours.
I’ve only been doing funerals for three decades so I don’t have near the experience as you, Dave.
But in the area where I live, Heaven, uh, Idaho, there are similar trends that I’ve noted as you have from Iowa (which is sometimes confused with Idaho.)
The popularity of cremation is definitely a noted trend here as well, and most of the things you mention.
Where I don’t have much experience outside of Idaho in conducting funerals I’m not sure if what happens here is normal in other places or if it is more of an influence from the Mormons.
At the funeral service in the Mormon tradition, they open up the floor for people to share about the deceased. This has made it’s way into services of Christians in the area, but again it could be more than just here.
More and more funeral homes offer and prefer families to use their facility as opposed to the church house. I prefer for a church member to use the church house.
The funeral home has successfully convinced many people to call the funeral a “Celebration of life” service or the more common “Memorial Service”. Rarely does a funeral home here use the term funeral anymore.
I don’t allow the open mic part of services in our church house and I prefer the term “funeral” over “memorial” or “celebration of life” service. I think society misses something without the weight of death.
Those are my opinions in a nutshell.
A major trend I’m seeing in TN is people having the funeral or memorial service during a weeknight (6:30-7PM) with visitation preceding. This is to help deal with the work schedules of so many. Then the family gathers the next day and proceeds to the graveside for burial. The upside of this is that the funeral is well attended vs those held during the day.
Cremations in Georgia, one-third, rising rapidly. Rare for funerals I’ve done.
Visitation more often just prior to the service these days. I always thought the ordeal of standing for hours by the casket was cruel. There are better ideas.
Pretty standard to get the thing done within 2-4 days of the death.
I’ve noticed more change in the service itself, families insisting on much more personal involvement. They have become like weddings in that the service is more a personal expression of the deceased or his/her family than a religious service. What fearless pastor will say, “You guys handle this one. My presence is superfluous.” The predominance of funeral chapel services over in-church services has contributed to this.
Dave, yes, I see all those same trends here in Oregon. The cremation thing is sad to me. I strongly dislike it, but I agree with your take on it. One other trend I see rising is the “open-mic” time. I am usually uncomfortable during this time. I would prefer that if a family wants testimonies, they choose 2-4 people to say something. In our neck of the woods, if you open it up to everyone, you can have some really odd and unBiblical things said. If there is an open-mic time, I prefer it be before the message, which gives me a chance to end with Biblical truth and the Gospel.
Cremation is a growing trend — I suspect across the nation. Happens here (East Texas) much more often (though perhaps not so much in the circles I move in; I think I have done only 2 memorial services for folks who have been cremated in my 30 something years of preaching). I think the primary reasons are cost and that it increasingly becomes more acceptable.
People being disrespectful to funeral processions is also on the rise here. We see this in the cars the procession meets — everyone used to pull over, but now many don’t — and in the cars going the same direction as the procession who try to pass and get around the procession.
I think I also see longer delays for funerals. You mentioned Alan Cross saying this was something of a cultural thing. Partly so, I think. When I was growing up, anglos usually buried within two or three days, while blacks usually waited a week. But this is something that has varied at different times. Before the rise of the funeral homes, when the community was responsible for burials, they most often took place the next day after death. Anyway, among folks I know, there does seem to a slower time in setting up the service. Part of this may be family scattered out across the country more.
I think we are different here regarding Saturday funerals. I’ve never noticed that we were more prone to one day than the other, other than usually not having them on Sunday except out of necessity.
No visitation is also a trend here. Well, really it’s more of a short visitation that takes place immediately before the funeral. I think there seems to be an increase in graveside services as well. This is kind of going back to what was once more common many years ago, but nowadays is probably driven by cost.
Finally, I think I see a trend away from the focus on the sermon at funerals. This may be because I have a broader range of acquaintances than when I was younger. But it seems that there are a lot more funerals that focus more on talking about the decedent rather than preaching a gospel sermon.
Great thoughts and questions.
I have not seen much by way of prayer services vs. visitations vs. no visitations etc. Or reading the obituary. Not sure I see that much.
Cremation is up. But some ministers, in my opinion, are too resistant. I actually believe that columnbariums are good things. They allow for churches to have a modern graveyard.
Inasmuch as the OT and NT (in my view) are completely silent on burial methods, and whereas in the OT didn’t they patriarchs adopt the pagan practice of embalming for Joseph? Embalming was done, I believe because of the after life and the belief that the person would need their body later so it had to be prepared etc.
Cremation may have had pagan roots, but no one I know who does it now is identifying at all with those roots. Just a way to get the body reduced to ashes more quickly. So again we may be adopting a pagan practice but not the meaning behind it – as the patriarchs did with Joseph’s body.
If there were other methods for helping the body decompose more rapidly, I would consider those as well.
Hospice nurse in the South here. Went to SWBTS after a J-man term in the Middle East, which is how I wound up on this blog.
Needless to say, death and dying is something I work around all the time.
Cremation is definitely becoming more common – the cost differential is enormous. A basic cremation costs about $800 here. A patient of mine was quoted $20K for a basic funeral at one of the nicer funeral homes in town. Most families could never afford such a cost, especially if there is not a life insurance policy payout. Also, $20K would go a long way to help the living.
Please correct me if I am wrong, but the historic Christian opposition to cremation based on two things. 1. Pagans tended to be cremated in the early church days; and we didn’t want to be like the pagans. 2. Burial affirmed the bodily resurrection. Cremation could be seen as denying the reality that believers would be resurrected someday. Of course, Jesus will raise ashes just as well as the dust in our coffins. Do we think that people who die in fires or shipwrecks on the high seas won’t be resurrected? Of course not. Jesus will put us back to together regardless.
As far as the timing of funerals, many people these days are working jobs that may not offer benefits like time off. Funerals scheduled for nights or weekends will have greater attendance because more people are available to come. We also don’t tend to live together in small towns anymore. It may take more than a few days for the grandkids to come back from college, the cousins travel from the other side of the country, and kids to make all the arrangements.
The longer delays between death and funerals are probably because many families are so dispersed now. When my 1st husband died in a car wreck in ’91 here in Southern Kentucky, I delayed the funeral for a week. The reason: he had aunts, uncles, cousins, and a grandmother in Utah and California who all wanted to come.
Not to sound morbid, but I’ve been going to funerals all my life. I may not have 40 years in preaching them, but from as early as 13 I’ve been a pallbearer, eulogizer and starting in 2005 I’ve conducted my fair share of them…usually in threes.
I’ve spent my entire ministry career (Pastor) in Virginia. From Brookneal, VA to Sandy Level, VA to Lawrenceville, VA to Keysville, VA, and of course, my hometown of Gretna, VA, I have found trends and customs are essentially the same. The funeral home in Lawrenceville didn’t publish the name of the ministers in the obituary, that’s about it. Then in 2015, we moved to Berkeley Springs, WV. We’re in the Eastern Panhandle in a quad-state area. Funeral customs (visitation, proceedings, etc.) are quite different and are taking some getting used to. Growing up, visitation was the night before the funeral, usually from 6-8pm. In the panhandle, they’ll have a dual visitation the day before as well as a viewing immediately after the funeral service has ended. It’s odd…and quite frankly, a logistical nightmare, but I’ve always felt that a funeral is for the deceased and the family. Whatever they want, within reason, should be respected.
Cremation is an increasing popular. Personally, I made sure a long time ago my soul wouldn’t burn and I’m not crazy about the idea of my body burning either. I did tell my wife that if I was killed in an accident involving fire that it would be okay to “finish” what nature started. If it was legal, I could see being burnt on a funeral pyre in the middle of the Berkeley Springs State Park or being put out on a barge in the Potomac and have someone shoot a flaming arrow onto it from the shore. I’d go out in a glorious blaze as well as providing the catfish with an afternoon lunch! It’s the circle of life!
People are more disrespectful when it comes to funeral processions. The only place on earth I know where people still pull over and get out is small towns in North Carolina like Lumberton. If we’re in town, I’ll pull over and still get out. If we’re out on the highway I’ll pull over. If we’re on the Interstate, I’ve usually passed the funeral procession before I realize it was a funeral procession and not a convoy of some sort. Ultimately, we teach the next generation how to pay proper respect. If an older generation doesn’t like the lack of respect, maybe they should have better educated the succeeding generation.
The first delay (non cremation) I remember for a funeral was the soul singer James Brown. He kept well. A lady in my church just lost her father and he requested no embalming. They did wait 4 days before burying him, but he requested a private funeral with no viewing. There was a public memorial service the following day. That’s what I want. If they do it immediately, they can have a viewing. Personally, I don’t want to be embalmed. I want a simply, wooden casket. I want to be buried in the dirt with no vault. In less than a month, I want to be earth to earth, ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
Many places still won’t do Saturday funerals because of the unionization of grave diggers. Weekend opening and burials cost more or they outright refuse to do it. My great grandmother was buried in Columbia, SC in a historic cemetery. She died the Thursday before Martin Luther King Day. In order to take her from Gretna, VA to Columbia, SC and bury her in a reasonable amount of time we had to do visitation Friday and travel almost 500 miles Saturday morning in sleet and snow because the cemetery wouldn’t open a grave on Sunday or a federal holiday. Ultimately, once again I feel you do your best to respect the family’s wishes.
Visitations can be hard. I did a funeral of one of the most Godly women I’ve ever had the pleasure of pastoring on December 31st. Her son ended up in the ER a few days later. The reason: between the medicine he was on for anxiety helping his parents out in his mother’s final weeks, the stress of burning candles at both end of the stick, and the virus he picked up from 1 of a 1000 people who passed by during visitation, he ended up with a kink in his intestines and nearly had to have surgery. While I value a visitation to pay my respects to a family and have a few moments to catch up with people I haven’t seen in ages, I’ve also been on the receiving end of a visitation. At times it feels like your grief is on display for everyone to see. People don’t like to feel vulnerable.
My mother once told me that when she goes, we could toss her body on the train tracks as far as she was concerned, she wouldn’t be there anymore. When the day of bodily resurrection comes, I’m sure the God who created the heavens and the Earth from nothing can recreate us in perfection, even if our remains have been scattered by the wind to the ends of the earth!
And I hate reading the obituary. Refuse to simply “read” it. I’ll highlight stuff, but reading it is redundant.
Is that commonly practiced there in Virginia? Here in East Texas I think it is most common to read the parts like birth and death and surviving family, but not any of the rest of it.
Cremation will continue to become more popular as the costs of funerals rise. I understand and sympathize, though I do not like cremation. I don’t think cremation is inherently sinful, but believe there are reasons to continue the burial custom when possible. (There are quite a few ways we can make the funeral more affordable, but these don’t always follow what we’re used to seeing and doing.)
I believe that burial best follows the historical practice of God’s people, and thereby binds our practice to those believers who have gone before us. Burial shows respect for the human body, which was created by God and in His image. God Himself buried Moses and in His determinate counsel chose burial for His Son Jesus. Burial was performed by the early disciples for their own members. The great initiatory ordinance of baptism incorporates the allegory of a burial. The “sleep” metaphor is used several times in the New Testament writing to refer to death. Sleep and burning are incongruous acts, while one laid out for burial assumes a position reminiscent of sleep. Burial reenacts the mode of disposal of Jesus’s body, and witnesses a belief in His resurrection and the expectation of ours. IMO, those are some reasons for the Christian to prefer burial over cremation, exposure or some other form of disposal.
Here in Florida, and this may be one particular funeral home, I’ve seen a trend of the visitation (in the funeral home) become more of a reception. Instead of pews or chairs in the chapel, they put round tables with pictures, memorabilia, etc of the deceased. At the front is the body and flowers like normal. Something odd to me is the presence of finger foods…for some reason that doesn’t sit well with my stomach.