I used to live on the “Field of Dreams” side of the state of Iowa and I’ve been by there a few times. Recent weather patterns leave no one questioning whether this is heaven. It’s certainly not the Lake of Fire either – too cold for that. But my silly little title leads into my silly little question.
I’ve seen some odd trends developing in funerals in my neck of the woods recently and I wonder if it is just a western Iowa/eastern Nebraska/southern South Dakota thing (we aren’t called the Tri-State region for nothing) or if it is a national trend. I raised it on Facebook and got some interesting answers, so I thought I would ask here, and perhaps add a few more things.
I’ve been doing funerals for nearly 4 decades and I have some great stories – which I’m not going to tell. But one of the things that I’ve noticed is that funeral practices differ greatly in different regions. In Cedar Rapids, few people wanted me to read the obituary but here in Siouxland I have done so at every single funeral in 11 years. In Cedar Rapids, we almost never did “prayer services” but here we do them all the time. They aren’t really prayer services but actually sharing services. At the family visitation, the night before the funeral people gather around and after the pastor reads a scripture and says a prayer pe0ple share their remembrances of the deceased. They are either wonderful times or painfully inappropriate and embarrassing!
But I have noticed some newer trends in funerals. I’m not saying they are good or bad, but they are definitely new. The first one will be controversial, of course, but the others are just logistical. My question is whether these trends are local or national. My initial results, from my Facebook post, seem to indicate that the results are common across the nation. So, here are the trends:
1. Cremation.
When I began in the ministry (February 1, 1982 – full time) the percentage of Bible-believing Christians who were cremated for burial was really small – something approaching my Iowa Hawkeyes’ chances of winning next year’s NCAA football playoff. More realistically, maybe the percentage was more like my Hawkeyes chances of MAKING the playoff. Christians got buried. Buddhists got cremated.
Today, I would guess that my burial approaches 50% cremations – that might be slightly high, but it’s not far off. People don’t get cremated for religious or symbolic reasons, but for other reasons.
- It is cheaper.
- People don’t like the idea of folks gaping at their corpses, so they opt for cremation and an urn.
- I’m sure plenty of other reasons abound.
Many feel it is wrong. My opinion is that cremation is a matter of Christian freedom. Burial is a better way of handling the body that symbolizes our belief in the bodily resurrection to come, but I do not think cremation is sinful.
When I served in Florida (did only a few funerals) and in Virginia I did almost no cremation memorial services. I did a few in Cedar Rapids and now in Sioux City I am doing more and more of them.
2. People are disrespectful to funeral processions.
I am old enough to remember when just about everyone would stop what they were doing, doff their hats, and stand in silent respect as a funeral procession rolled by. No more. I was riding in the hearse in Cedar Rapids, headed to a cemetary. In the back was a decorated war hero. It angered me the way people buzzed by us, the disdainful looks, the way people acted. Of course, they had no way of knowing he was a war hero, but there was a grieving family going by and it didn’t seem too much to ask that they pause for a second to show some respect.
We can probably wax eloquent about societal trends here.
3. Long delays for funerals.
I used to be able to guess when a funeral would be when I got word that someone had died. Mrs. McGillicutty passed away at 11 am Monday? Funeral would likely be Thursday afternoon, maybe Friday morning. Now, it is not unusual for families to wait a week, two weeks, even three weeks to do the funerals. Arranging for people to travel is difficult and our lives are so booked that few can just drop everything, even for a funeral.
It still seems a little weird to me. On Facebook, Alan Cross said that the longer wait for funerals has been more common in minority cultures and the 3-day wait is more of an Anglo thing.
4. Saturday funerals.
There was a time funeral homes would almost not allow Saturday funerals. They cost extra and were discouraged. Recently, I would hazard a guess that the majority of the services I’ve done are on the Seventh Day. Laid to rest on the Sabbath – not that bad of an idea, perhaps. But the first time I had a Saturday funeral it felt weird. It was one, I think, where there had been a cremation, a long wait, and the funeral home was not actually involved.
Now, I almost expect that funerals will be on Saturday.
I understand the trend. People are busy, don’t want to miss work, have to set up schedules. It’s just an odd thing because it wasn’t that long ago that it just wasn’t done, at least in the circles I worked.
5. No visitation
I have told people that the most difficult thing they will go through sometimes is not the funeral but the 2 to 3 hours of visitation the night before. That is especially true in big funerals where an unceasing line of guests come through. It is a blessing, but it is also exhausting and emotionally draining. Also, if there is any tragedy attached to the death, it can be multiplied by the things people say in vain attempts to bring comfort.
In recent years I have noticed that it is becoming more common not to have these family visitations, or to have them just before the service. Why? Often it is a money-saving move. The funeral home charges for both services and people don’t want to pay, so they combine the two into one and the costs go down. I’d say there is still a visitation most of the time around here but the percentages are decreasing.
- Do you see these trends?
- Do you see other trends?
- What do you think drives these? Costs? Cultural changes? Convenience?
The floor is yours.
I’ve only been doing funerals for three decades so I don’t have near the experience as you, Dave. But in the area where I live, Heaven, uh, Idaho, there are similar trends that I’ve noted as you have from Iowa (which is sometimes confused with Idaho.) The popularity of cremation is definitely a noted trend here as well, and most of the things you mention. Where I don’t have much experience outside of Idaho in conducting funerals I’m not sure if what happens here is normal in other places or if it is more of an influence from the Mormons.… Read more »
A major trend I’m seeing in TN is people having the funeral or memorial service during a weeknight (6:30-7PM) with visitation preceding. This is to help deal with the work schedules of so many. Then the family gathers the next day and proceeds to the graveside for burial. The upside of this is that the funeral is well attended vs those held during the day.
Cremations in Georgia, one-third, rising rapidly. Rare for funerals I’ve done. Visitation more often just prior to the service these days. I always thought the ordeal of standing for hours by the casket was cruel. There are better ideas. Pretty standard to get the thing done within 2-4 days of the death. I’ve noticed more change in the service itself, families insisting on much more personal involvement. They have become like weddings in that the service is more a personal expression of the deceased or his/her family than a religious service. What fearless pastor will say, “You guys handle this… Read more »
Dave, yes, I see all those same trends here in Oregon. The cremation thing is sad to me. I strongly dislike it, but I agree with your take on it. One other trend I see rising is the “open-mic” time. I am usually uncomfortable during this time. I would prefer that if a family wants testimonies, they choose 2-4 people to say something. In our neck of the woods, if you open it up to everyone, you can have some really odd and unBiblical things said. If there is an open-mic time, I prefer it be before the message, which… Read more »
Cremation is a growing trend — I suspect across the nation. Happens here (East Texas) much more often (though perhaps not so much in the circles I move in; I think I have done only 2 memorial services for folks who have been cremated in my 30 something years of preaching). I think the primary reasons are cost and that it increasingly becomes more acceptable. People being disrespectful to funeral processions is also on the rise here. We see this in the cars the procession meets — everyone used to pull over, but now many don’t — and in the… Read more »
Great thoughts and questions. I have not seen much by way of prayer services vs. visitations vs. no visitations etc. Or reading the obituary. Not sure I see that much. Cremation is up. But some ministers, in my opinion, are too resistant. I actually believe that columnbariums are good things. They allow for churches to have a modern graveyard. Inasmuch as the OT and NT (in my view) are completely silent on burial methods, and whereas in the OT didn’t they patriarchs adopt the pagan practice of embalming for Joseph? Embalming was done, I believe because of the after life… Read more »
Hospice nurse in the South here. Went to SWBTS after a J-man term in the Middle East, which is how I wound up on this blog. Needless to say, death and dying is something I work around all the time. Cremation is definitely becoming more common – the cost differential is enormous. A basic cremation costs about $800 here. A patient of mine was quoted $20K for a basic funeral at one of the nicer funeral homes in town. Most families could never afford such a cost, especially if there is not a life insurance policy payout. Also, $20K would… Read more »
The longer delays between death and funerals are probably because many families are so dispersed now. When my 1st husband died in a car wreck in ’91 here in Southern Kentucky, I delayed the funeral for a week. The reason: he had aunts, uncles, cousins, and a grandmother in Utah and California who all wanted to come.
Not to sound morbid, but I’ve been going to funerals all my life. I may not have 40 years in preaching them, but from as early as 13 I’ve been a pallbearer, eulogizer and starting in 2005 I’ve conducted my fair share of them…usually in threes. I’ve spent my entire ministry career (Pastor) in Virginia. From Brookneal, VA to Sandy Level, VA to Lawrenceville, VA to Keysville, VA, and of course, my hometown of Gretna, VA, I have found trends and customs are essentially the same. The funeral home in Lawrenceville didn’t publish the name of the ministers in the… Read more »
And I hate reading the obituary. Refuse to simply “read” it. I’ll highlight stuff, but reading it is redundant.
Is that commonly practiced there in Virginia? Here in East Texas I think it is most common to read the parts like birth and death and surviving family, but not any of the rest of it.
Cremation will continue to become more popular as the costs of funerals rise. I understand and sympathize, though I do not like cremation. I don’t think cremation is inherently sinful, but believe there are reasons to continue the burial custom when possible. (There are quite a few ways we can make the funeral more affordable, but these don’t always follow what we’re used to seeing and doing.) I believe that burial best follows the historical practice of God’s people, and thereby binds our practice to those believers who have gone before us. Burial shows respect for the human body, which… Read more »
Here in Florida, and this may be one particular funeral home, I’ve seen a trend of the visitation (in the funeral home) become more of a reception. Instead of pews or chairs in the chapel, they put round tables with pictures, memorabilia, etc of the deceased. At the front is the body and flowers like normal. Something odd to me is the presence of finger foods…for some reason that doesn’t sit well with my stomach.