Since getting reacquainted and in the loop at SBC Voices, I have come to appreciate each time Thom Hunter shares a new post. His writing is always penetrating and frequently takes a tack that few will ever ponder or dare to do, usually because it is born of personal and often painful experience of the sort that few are willing to share about transparently with others. This is the main reason that I jumped at the offer to review Thom’s book, Surviving Sexual Brokenness.
If I were required to describe the book using a single word, I would go back to that same idea: transparent. This isn’t a theory book or an abstract look at the problem of sexual issues in the body of Christ. This is the story and lessons learned by a man who has been through the fire personally and been given the grace and the gift to share the lessons learned with those are at an earlier point in the journey or who have not gotten the courage to start. Make no mistake about it, this book will challenge and prod in a good way.
There may be those who question the notion of sexual brokenness that Thom is talking about in the book, but statistics bear out the depth of the issue within the church itself. We live in a culture that glorifies sex and promiscuity and promotes an “anything goes” attitude toward sex. While most churchgoers understand the inherent problem with this worldview, we have struggled with how to respond. Some pastor’s have gone along with the “sensationalization of sex” and made responding to it part of their marketing ploy if you will. Others have chosen to not say much at all. Thom addresses head on the fact of sexual brokenness that surrounds us in the pews and offers help on reaching out to those who have already wrecked into the shoals or are perilously close to such a disaster.
There is excellent advice for churches and pastor’s in this book that comes from a heart who has been on the receiving end of both helpful and hurtful help from those who were just trying to do the right thing. Thom gives excellent advice on how we can relate to and help those who are struggling without compromising the truth of Scripture and God’s standards of righteousness. He also invites us to take a hard look at attitudes and behaviors that may lead us to isolate or destroy our ability to minister to those who need it most, the broken. One statement that stood out was, “from him who fails much, much failure is expected.” This encapsulates the problem we so often have in extending the same grace to others or even ourselves that we so desperately need to have and to give.
I do not hesitate to recommend this book and I cannot imagine any person who would not benefit from reading it. The issues surrounding sex and sexuality and how we respond to them, particularly in the areas of sexual sin are going to be a flashpoint for years to come. If you want to be prepared ahead of time instead of scrambling for wisdom in how to respond in the wake of a crash and burn disaster, you should read what Thom has shared. His wisdom from experience will provide grace for the reader and insight for the storm. I am grateful to him for providing me a copy to read so that I could equip myself and those around me for the days ahead.
If you have not yet had someone come into your office and admit to a struggle with homosexuality, you are in line waiting your turn. We have a rare blessing in Thom, someone who has been through these struggles and is willing to share the journey with all of us.
As Jeff mentioned, you will seldom find this kind of transparency on this issue in the church.
Jeff, good stuff. Can you (or Thom) take a minute and comment on what some of the chapter titles are, what type(s) of “sexual brokenness” are the focus of the book? Dave, in his comment above, speaks of homosexuality, but does it address other types of sexual sin? Sounds like a very helpful and much-needed book. Thanks for the write-up.
Anthony,
There are 33 chapters that are all fairly short in length (the table of contents is available at Amazon if you want to see them all). My personal favorite chapter title is “If you’re going through Hell, don’t stop at the gift shop.” The book doesn’t focus only on homosexuality, but is broadly addressed toward all those who struggle in areas of sexual sin. The idea of struggle is an important one as well. Acceptance of sexual sin isn’t “acceptable” in other words. Those who are unwilling to enter the struggle in this area will not find comfort or help from this book.
I speak from the perspective of one who has had a longstanding issue with pornography from my teenage years. This book resonated with me and where I am at in my fight as well. Hope that helps.
Anthony,
Good question. Almost all sexual brokenness is rooted in relationship difficulties, so the methodology for dealing with the various forms is very similar. This would include unwanted same-sex attraction (homosexuality,) pornography addiction, adultery, idolatry and addictive masturbation with fantasy, which is, for many Christian men — and women — a serious problem.
Obviously, in today’s culture, a significant number of people do not consider homosexuality to be brokenness, but rather something to be embraced as an identity. The intent of the book is not so much to dissuade pro-gay advocates, but to help those who recognize they struggle against something that threatens to defeat them. The book is written to help them find freedom and to help those who know someone who struggles to be able to share Biblical truth in a compassionate and supportive way. My experience has been that many pastors and church leaders have taken their cues from culture and are not very discerning on this issue, unaware of the incredibly positive impact they could have on their members who struggle with sexual brokenness.
Jeff’s review is spot on. It’s not an easy topic and he — in my opinion — really got it.
OK, thanks Jeff. Yep, that does help, thanks for the follow-up.
Regards,
Anth
The one thing I have not see addressed in most discussions of the issue of sex is the proble of subliminal seduction techniques and their effect on the minds of males and females. Years ago a book was written by Vance Packard (sp?), The Hidden Persuaders. I read it after reading, The Clam Plate Orgy by a Dr. Key from Canada (a professor ina a Canandian Unviersity who apparently lost his job due to writing the book). The Clam Plate Orgy begins with four men in a chain restaurant that sold clams and had them advertised on place mats. All four men ordered clams. As they were waiting one said, “You know, I don’t know why I ordered clams. I hate clams.” Short of the story. All of the men hated clams, and yet all four had ordered clams. Dr. Key took his place mat home (it was a paper disposal king) ad put it under a mircroscope. What he found was a retouched photo of a plate of clams, positioned and shaped to look like a mass of people in a mass orgy. Dr. Key went on to write his book,showing the influence of such techniques in many areas, e.g., drunkenness, (ice cubes in a whiskey glass with no whiskey but with the floating figures that alcoholics see in their D.Ts.), anorexia and bulemia (food addictions and social attractions), too mention a few. This led me to look at advertisements of all kinds. Then I had a young man who took a course in commercial art, and he told me about the psychology text they used for advertising. Like how to put the word death in a cigarette advertisement.
Slowly, painfully, I think society is beginning to wake up to the reality that we are being bombarded daily with sexually suggestive and certainly subliminally seductive forms of advertising, designed to sell products by appealing to the most purient interests, along with others of a more vicious and needy kin. A lot of the sexual brokenness simply arises from the appeal to the purient…until society reaches the point of satiety, that is, grows sick of such a preoccupation with that which under divinely appointed method for handling it (Marriage), produces a healthy result. We need a prayer meeting appointed for intercession to awaken the people to the reality of such exposures to such stimuli and how to cop with it plus the correcting of advertisers by the loss of accounts.
We face a Goliath of problems in this area, due in part to our refusal to deal with it, due to a sense of shame, due to the fastidious nature of our society, that is, a touchiness in dealing with the issues.