Job felt it.
Habakkuk had fleeting moments when the thought crossed his mind.
Jeremiah wondered as well.
They all had crises when they asked the question…
Is God cruel?
I know in my head that God is good, a God of love, of mercy,and of grace. He is far better to me than I deserve. I was born in sin and I embraced my nature willingly. My heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. On the outside, I have been a “good boy.” But I know the darkness of my heart – the self-centeredness and pride, the anger and vindictiveness, the lust and greed and…well, you get the picture.
I know that if I got what I deserved from God I would be in hell right now.
I know that I was saved by the grace of God and not by any merit on my part.
I know all that. I preach it. I believe it. But sometimes I do not feel it. Sometimes I shake my head and wonder, Lord, what are you doing to me. And why?
Let me tell you why I am feeling this way.
We have been facing a kind of major crisis in the Miller family recently. I made some decisions a couple of years ago that I thought made sense at the time. I wasn’t trying to be rebellious or willfull; in fact, I believed I was being smart. But looking back on it now, I can see that I ignored some warning signs I probably shouldn’t have ignored, and relied on some advice that turned out not to be sound.
I made a decision that has put us into a financial crisis right now.
I have admitted that I made unwise decisions – to God, to myself, to my wife, to others with whom I discussed this. I wish I could go back and undo what I did, but that door is closed.
A month or so ago, after I shared this problem with some friends, out of the blue two of them came to me and said, “This is not a big problem, we can help you.” I was floored and grateful – I don’t cry that often, but I was in tears as I told my wife that God had opened a door and the problem was going to be solved.
Three days later, the men came to my house and withdrew their offer of help. It absolutely cratered me – that is about as low as I have ever been. Having the clouds part for a couple of days made the darkness seem even darker.
Just as I was forcing myself out of my fetal position of depression, another solution presented itself and things looked up. Again, I dared to believe that there was an end to this nightmare that has cost me more hours of sleep than I can count.
Today, I had a phone call that let me know that this solution is likely going to turn out to be another mirage. My spirit is partly cloudy with a chance of storms!
And in the mind of my flesh, I am wondering why things happened as they did. Why did two solutions present themselves as if they were God’s provision, only to be pulled back at the last moment and leave me dangling?
Why, God?
And I know that I will probably never understand. God seldom answers the question why to his children. He wants us to trust him without understanding. That is exactly what I am having to do right now.
I have to hold on, to trust that God has a plan, a way out of this, or through it, or under it, or whatever.
I guess there are several things I have to remember as I go through this time when I am baffled by God’s work. These are all things I know in myA head, but have to remind my soul at times like these.
1) Serving God is about serving God not getting God’s goodies.
As much as I hate prosperity theology, I find I have a little bit of it in me at times. I think because I’m a “man of God” that he should work everything out for me. I serve him because of who he is and not what he gives me. If I forget that, maybe he needs to remind me!
After he has given me eternity, will I question his goodness because of these temporal issues?
2) God is not obligated to make everything work out in my life.
When I consider the issues I am going through with the problems Paul faced, outlined in 2 Corinthians 11, I realize that my issues are pretty minor. Paul saw hardship as a normal part of his life, while I tend to see it as an unfair invasion. I must remember that God is not obligated to smooth out all the troubled waters, just to guide me through them.
3) God purposes are not always my purposes.
I think of Peter, who out of loyalty to Jesus, pulled out a sword to protect him in Gethsemane. Think about it. Peter was trying to stop the crucifixion which was the only hope for his eternal soul. In his wisdom, preventing Jesus’ death was crucial. In God’s wisdom, Jesus’ death was God’s will.
I don’t understand what God is doing, but that doesn’t mean God isn’t doing something good.
4) My job is not to understand, but to trust and obey.
Job was never told the reasons for God’s dealings with him. He was simply told to trust in the goodness and sovereign power of God even in his confusion. My job is to trust a God I often don’t understand and to serve him whatever comes my way.
Like Job 13:15 says, “Though he slay me, I will hope in him.”
Sometimes, we just have to hold on in the night to what we know in spite of what we feel. So, I’m going to hold on to the goodness of God when my mind is confused, my heart feels betrayed and my flesh is weary.
And one of these days I will be able to testify here – either of God’s provision or his sustaining grace.
I hate to hear of your difficulty Dave but appreciate your healthy perspective on them.
God bless you.
I add my agreement to William’s comment. I’ll pray for the Miller family. You can take my word for that.
I join CB in committing to pray for you, your family and your situation. God does promise us that He will make a way when we take Him by the hand and trust Him no matter what; I believe that with all my heart. I believe you are correct in that God does not provide solutions as we think he ought to… but I would encourage you to find comfort in those who have come forward offering to help; even though they for whatever reason have not done so TO DATE, seems to me God is certainly working in the… Read more »
Been there…am there, Dave. God is teaching me: (1) My opportunities to participate in God’s mission are not fewer because of the struggles I’m facing, they’re greater. (2) The person I’m becoming is more crucial to God’s mission than the person I would have become were it not for the struggles I’m facing. (3) The variety of people I’m being equipped to help is greater, not less. The Evangelical Church in North America has undergone a virtual complete gentrification in our lifetime. We are rabid materialists; we trust in money. We value people with assets, not those with liabilities. We… Read more »
Thanks, John. We really need to have a reunion sometime!
I love the analogy. In God’s accounting system, his strength–our asset–is perfected in our weakness–our liability. As with any good balance sheet: the assets and the liabilities match perfectly with not a single lost coin, sheep, or son.
Just read an interesting, and slightly convicting verse. Numbers 21:4 says that while God’s people were going through their wilderness wanderings (their own fault, actually) they became impatient with God and started murmuring. God sent the snakes among them.
There are so many parallels.
Mentioned that passage Sunday morning… as I saw that passage, it was not their grumbling that brought God’s judgment but their cry, “we loathe this worthless bread.” This ought to serve as a strong word of warning to the church today as Jesus is the Bread of Life… and how we see Him is of extreme importance to our heavenly Father!
I know you are not in danger there!
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I think that the problem may have been, in addition to what you said, is that they treated God’s provision with derision.
God grant you grace for this trying hour is my prayer. And that for the glory of Christ Jesus our Lord. How many times in my life have I wound up smack dab in the middle of a full blown crisis wherein God look like an ogre. Yes, we all have times like that, and we can find them writ large in the Bible. Jacob, Joseph, and Job are but a few who come to mind of the numerous examples of saints in a pickle in Holy Scripture. Listen to Jeremiah (20:7), “O Lord, thou hast deceived me, and I… Read more »
I have a friend whose first son died long ago at the age of eleven of organ complications from the disease lupus. I had known that boy since his mother carried him in her arms as an infant. I have never seen so much hope as when my friend took that child for his tests to Duke University and then, during the waiting period for the results, was sustained by that hope. But gradually, the tests proved to be disappointing, and still my friend did not give up. Still, she would pray, in the way of her faith, and something… Read more »
Hang in there, Dave. I too have been facing some financial crisises. Mine began a bit over two years ago, mine too began–partly–when we made some decisions that made sense at the time (and partly because of events outside our control, i.e., illness that cost my wife her job) and that we felt no adverse leadings from God on, but nonetheless resulted in a crisis. Actually, the worst seems to have passed for us, although Estimated Federal Income Tax payments this quarter have thrown us temporarily tight. As we are getting through it, so I am sure will you. You… Read more »
“In this world you will have trouble. But be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.”
I’ll be praying for you and your family, Dave.
“This too shall pass.”
a few times in my life, we went into money troubles, once of our own making, another time, a job loss (but WHAT a job, big bucks) right when my daughter started college . . . it’s no fun but then, I know how to go into conservative mode: dried peas and beans, whole grain dishes, eggs, garden produce, thrift shop and consignment stores, libraries instead of book stores, cancel all unnecessary luxury expenditures if possible, garage sales, making a large piece of meat last for four meals (is possible), cooking cheaper cuts of meat in the French Canadian way… Read more »
DAVID, and to all who are in present trouble, here is something I know to share about what life is like for those in WORSE troubles (may the Good Lord keep us from them): A nutritious ‘meal’ for those who live ‘outside the gates’: Try this healthy recipe and be lovingly humbled at how much we have all taken for granted from the Hand of Our Lord: A.J. MUSTE MEMORIAL SUPPER (fish heads and rice) . . . . a meal that is classic and time-honored among the bums and transients who live in need ‘invisibly’ among us. This meal… Read more »
Dave, when we came to our current church, we believed that God was in it. We still believe so. Believing that He led us, we purchased a home and put ours up for sale. Believing that He led us, we waited and waited and waited on the sale of that home in MO. It was 18.5 months later when it sold. This while we still had a son getting his bachelors and a daughter getting her masters. We also had a home in their college town that they were sharing. I said all that to say that there were times… Read more »
I’ve been saving this for you, Dave. 😉
Salt Mill
(8/1/2005)
In order to put
Salt on my food
I grind it in a mill.
I wonder how
God gets us ready
To flavor the world?
greg.w.h
That is good. Painful, but good.
Thanks. As you might guess, it was my response to similar troubles.
Greg Harvey,
Good thought. Did you write Salt Mill?
David R. Brumbelow
Yes. I’ve used the greg.w.h tag previously.
Greg Harvey,
Can I use it? I’ll attribute it to you.
David R. Brumbelow
Yes, you are welcome to use it. If published, please keep it in the current form and add (Gregory W. Harvey) under greg.w.h
Greg Harvey,
Thanks. I’ll do it.
David R. Brumbelow
Eternity is the scale we have to use for the Christian life. When the greatest Christian says, “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:10. We need to understand what our life is all about because it is all about Christ and who He is. Personally, I suffer and do not like it right now, but it is His creation and restoration. Then I get to enjoy the benefits of His design for all eternity. Amen.
I’ve had way more incidences of major upsets where I thought nothing worse could happen – but sometimes it did ; but, in each and every case out of the blue would come a solution . One was a 10-12,000 Washington Post ” street sales ” route which served not only street machines but 7-11s . I had two “jumpers” from a bad side of town who could keep all of us in sandwiches etc. by stuffing them into the return papers that the store didn’t sell and got credit for. I stopped that and offered to buy All the… Read more »
Oh, I forgot , the Airline Company I worked for over 30 years went bankrupt . No more healthcare and the retirement was not as it would have been . So into the stock market with the dough which took a hit – a couple of big hits and the Courts made them pay for healthcare until I was old enough for medicare . Two things happened – my stock guy said he had a “deal” that would payoff my original investment after my death. Medicare thru Social Security passed some Prescription plans – not everybody has Guidestone . So,… Read more »
Feel for you Mr. Wolford…as I do for David. At present I am having to care for my wife (scoliosis and diabetes). She has been to church with me twice in about 8 weeks. I have to lead her by the hand, due to her weakness and pain. You can guess at the housework, etc., that I am having to do now. Add on 15 years without a church or a regular job and the fact that I was raised to work and work hard. Add tragedies of a broken home in childhood, farm work, sun up to sun set,… Read more »
Dave,
Good article, good thoughts.
David R. Brumbelow
I’m not so sure, David. At best, its an admission of evil thoughts, right?
An admission of struggles, questions, doubts, humanity – and the right thoughts about God. And trust in God, no matter what.
When I’m crushed and fallen, I’ll say from the depths of my soul, “God is good, and His mercy endures forever.”
Anyway, that’s the way I see it.
David R. Brumbelow
Thanks, my friend.
Dave,
I don’t have any sage advice to offer and all the platitudes I could give from the Word you already know, and cliches are like a hungry man trying to feast on the picture of a sandwich.
I’ll just say: I am going to pray for you after I hit send.
Job’s friends tried the platitudes. Didn’t work real well.
Dave, When my first child, Amanda, died people would come to me and quote Scripture (like Rom 8:28) and share platitudes. They meant well–they really did–but I just needed to know they cared. I wasn’t counting on them “fixing anything.” Actually, a few knuckleheads even tried “fixing me” assuming that I must certainly deserved what I was facing. And, I couldn’t much argue against them any better than Job when he was told the same thing. I just want to encourage you. I’m nobody and I’m not even anywhere near where you are, but I do really care. I’ve put… Read more »
Dave, I totally understand and empathize with your situation. My heart goes out to you. It is stressful and hard to stay focused each day when ruin looms over us and answers elude us. It is hard to understand. And I am guessing that is why Proverbs 3:5-6 was written. I have repeated Psalm 138:8 over and over again:
I’ll be praying for you and your family. selahV
“God seldom answers the question why to his children.”
But, I’ve found that He always answers “What?” … “What are you saying Lord?’ …. “What do you want me to do?”
Praying for you Dave.
we remember that we are ‘sojourners’ on our way to a final home, so if we have troubles, the ‘this too shall pass’ helps, as well as the old adage ‘this time next year, you will have a whole new set of problems’ . . . being sojourners, we can try to have some earthly security, and maybe count on a period of health, if not prosperity, but in the end, we all journey with the same need for God . . . as the psalmist cries out: “My soul thirsts for You; my whole body longs for You in… Read more »
David, I am afraid it is rather natural to think evil thoughts in times of trial, in times of agony and defeat. Jeremiah certainly demonstrates that fact rather plainly. Even Paul speaks of being in despair of life itself. Feeling cast down is a rather common occurrence from what I have been able to discern in the writings of believers who were honest. I have a book in my library by a fellow who said he wanted to pull God off of his throne and stomp him under his feet. He was horrified at having such thoughts, and who would… Read more »