One purpose of SBC Voices is to provide a forum for our readers to share their opinions. That’s what I’m requesting in this post. For some years I’ve pondered the question: How should we honor our parents as adults?
We veterans of Sunday School learned the Ten Commandments, and the fifth states,
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” (Ex 20:12, ESV)
When we teach this, we emphasize that minor children should obey their parents. Put another way, children honor their parents by obeying them. That is the way the Apostle Paul treats it in Ephesians.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (Eph 6:1-3, ESV)
Certainly, I affirm that teaching; however, I don’t see any age limitations mentioned in the commandment. The text does not say, “Honor your father and mother until age twenty-one” So, again, my question is about obeying this commandment as an adult.
Jesus spoke to this in the gospel of Mark.
9 And he said to them, “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition! 10 For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ 11 But you say, ‘If a man tells his father or his mother, “Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban”’ (that is, given to God)[a]— 12 then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, 13 thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And many such things you do.” (Mark 7:
So, in this passage Jesus criticized the scribes and Pharisees for failing to honor their parents as adults. The implication is clear—we must continue to honor our parents as adults. Douglas Stuart speaks to this in his commentary on Exodus in The New American Commentary:
“There can be little doubt that its most basic insistence from the point of view of establishing a responsibility that might otherwise shirked is to demand that children take care of their parents in their parents’ old age, when they are no longer able to work for themselves…” (461)
As I mentioned, I’ve thought about this for years. Both of my parents have died, but I tried to honor them while they lived. As a foreign missionary, I lived thousands of miles away from my elderly parents. Thankfully, I have two sisters, and one saw to my mother’s care, while the other saw to my father’s. I visited when I could, and I communicated with them regularly. I sent birthday and Christmas gifts every year. My mother had dementia, so I could not converse with her in her last years. In my father’s case, I listened to his opinions respectfully, though I sometimes disagreed. For example, he often railed against casual dress in worship services. He was strictly a suit and tie advocate.
Note: The care of aged parents can be a challenge for missionaries. I have a missionary friend who had to leave the mission field for several years in order to care for his mother. He was an only child.
As someone who has taught the seminary course, anthropology for missionaries, I recognize that honoring our parents is culturally conditioned. That is, it will be expressed differently in different cultures. For example, many adult children in North America place their parents in nursing homes so their parents can receive skilled nursing care. However, Christians in South Asia are appalled by this and insist on caring for their parents in their homes.
So, dear readers, what is your response to my question? How can adult believers honor their parents?
