I must admit some personal irony to the subject at hand (no pun to be intended), I did quite the boyish thing seven weeks ago, by turning one of our young adults into a tackling dummy during a church volleyball game. Landed awkwardly on my wrist and broke a bone. Funny thing is it didn’t hurt that bad and looked fine, so I went 2 weeks without knowing it was broke. Then spent 4 weeks in a cast, and now find myself in the middle of at least a 2-week stint in a splint… makes typing at a computer and therefore blogging a bit difficult.
So I’m going to keep this short—mainly in the form of the question in the title…
Churches need leadership and families need leadership. Let’s not denigrate the ladies here. We men need the ladies in our churches and family. In the beginning God said it’s not good for the man to be alone, and he gave Eve to Adam as his helper and partner. We need the ladies in our lives. But, God calls men to stand up and be the self-sacrificing, Jesus-following leaders in the church (1 Timothy 3, Titus 1) and the home (Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3).
I just recently picked up a book I should have years ago (especially since it was recommended to me over a decade ago)… Gene Getz’s The Measure of a Man. Its argument: the character traits for pastors and deacons are not merely meant for pastors and deacons, but rather mark the character all men should strive to have. (Pastors and deacons are then proven leaders and examples in these traits).
The 20 traits he gives are: spiritually mature/well-rounded, having a good reputation, morally pure, temperate (balanced in words and actions), prudent (wise and humble), respectable (a good role model), hospitable (unselfish and generous), able to teach, not addicted to substances, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not abusive, gentle, peaceable, nonmaterialistic, a good husband and father, lover of good, just, devout (devoted to God in holiness), and self-controlled.
Yeah… that’s a good list. If we train up our men to pursue such character, how much more naturally would humble and godly leaders emerge in our churches and at home?
So, let’s discuss… How does your church train up men?
We don’t “train up or men”.
We leave that to the parents, and we just preach the law and the gospel.
Then the Lord will do in the lives of our men, that which He will do.
I think you’d be hard pressed to read the Timothy’s and Titus and come away with the idea that training up men (and women) is simply leave it to the parents and God will do what he will do.
I’ve written on it here before–discipleship begins at home but mentoring is also integral… and mentoring is everything when the parents aren’t Christians…
‘our’ (of course)
Mike, This is so important. Thanks for asking and I look forward to hearing reply from many on this.
The way we, Eastside Baptist Church in Twin Falls, Idaho, decided to tackle (no pun intended) this critical area among the men in our church is rather unnerving to some. We decided about two years ago that we had a major problem on our hands and that we needed to return to the sufficiency of Scripture to discover our hope.
We decided to cease and repent of all systematic age segregating or our many ministries. We have called out the men in our church to reclaim their God ordained ‘lead’ of the family and church. We not only tell men that the bible teaches them to lead their family we expect them to do so. We give them help and instruction and then tell them there is no better person to train their children than them.
We teach them that they are the spiritual leaders of their homes even if they do nothing… meaning they are teaching their children, and their children’s friends what they think about God by the time and effort they give their family.
We gather the men together regularly to be influenced by the puritan writers of old who expected the men in their congregations to lead and how they did it.
We tell the men to do it…
We then expect them to do it…
After two years we find the men are more involved in the church, their families are spiritually healthier, and our church is healthier.
There is much more to do and we are looking to God and His word to train us up in this right way. I’m thankful to the Lord for his good word and the sufficiency of that good word.
I’m not sure I’d call “age-segreation” something to be repented of.
If the totality of our so-called discipleship is carried out through age-segregated teaching, then yeah, Houston we have a problem. But I think it can have proper use in the mix. Though I would ultimately like to see less use of it in my church…
I think pushing the fathers to step up is a really good thing, but I think we also need to push them to step out. Boys and young men need the influence of other men in the church as well–and girls and young women of other women… I think this is the heart of Titus 2. We also need to focus on looking for and reaching out to the spiritually fatherless.
Mike,
We repented of ‘systematic age-segregation’ meaning the adoption of the Greek philosophers who believed that it was easier to train the children if they removed the influence of their fathers. This secular model is foreign to Scripture. It’s not foreign to our culture but clearly foreign in Scripture. This is what we repented of, adopting the philosophies of men rather than the model of Scripture.
We see value of ministry to all in the church and outreach to the unconverted of all ages. But we have decided to resist doing this like the world does. Even though this has been the norm for the church over the past 150 years this is not the norm of the church. If our Lord called 5 of the 7 churches to repentance (in Revelation) because they had taken their eyes off of him or adopted ways of the culture… then why should we think less for us?
There is a huge need in the western church today. The men are needed. If we are to call them up, we need to be brave enough to look to the sufficiency of Scripture and stop producing ‘politicians’ or sickly men. We need to release men to once again lead their households and stop making it easy for them to let a weekly Sunday School class or Cubbies booklet show our boys what godly men look like. (God bless those who have heard their pastors plead for S.S. and Awana teachers… but come on church of the living God, man your stations.) Soldiers of the Cross, let us put on our “gospel-shoes” with urgency as we see the great day of the LORD drawing near.
It’s Thomas Manton who said “A family is the seminary of Church and State.” And C.T. Studd who asserts, “To your knees, men! and to your Bible! Decide at once! Don’t hedge! Time flies! Cease your insults to God, quit consulting flesh and blood. Stop your lame, lying and cowardly excuses.”
When will the church of the Living God stop looking to the publishing house for the newest method to attract and keep people and look to the Lord Jesus Christ who called up and trained men with an all sufficient word.
Paul,
We here at Valley Baptist Church in McMinnville, Oregon have also transitioned to a family integrated approach to church. We love it. I regularly emphasize the father’s role in leading their families in daily devotions and discipling their own children and we try to provide easy examples and training opportunities from time to time (and I encourage those whose kids are grown to look around to befriend kids whose dads are not in the home – this has only happened a little). We also try to involve men anyway we can (and almost all our ladies are excited to see their men challenged to lead). Over time, the church culture has become one where the “in” thing to do is to be a godly dad.
Oh, and one more thing we do – we only allow sinners at our church! We have a long way to go.
Thanks.
Ronny
Thanks for your good word on this. There are few willing to seriously address this problem in the church and then to be bold enough to follow the mandate in Scripture. I bless the Lord for the good word you shared here. May the men in your church ignite an awakening and revival in our land.
Right back at you. Thanks for the encouragement. Hey, Idaho is not all that far from Oregon. Maybe we will meet up one of these days. I think that one of our families visited your church while on vacation a year or more ago.
For all the problems and issues we discuss on this site to only have six comments on this subject reveals much of the problem.
My church trains men in several ways. First, we have a weekly men only gathering led by one of our elders. This is a no holds barred bible study discussion get real time. We talk about everything you can possibly imagine. It’s the most transparent men’s group I have ever seen. It’s taken a year to get there but it’s been worth it. Second, we have guys mentoring other guys on a one on one basis. Working through life issues in partnership with each other. Third, from the pulpit we continually challenge our men to step up and lead at home and in their communities. Finally, we do retreats and outings with our guys several times a year. These can be anything from a night out at Eishens (the oldest bar in Oklahoma) or a men’s retreat with the guys from Rewired.
I cannot stress enough the importance of guys being in community with one another. Walls and barriers will not come down as trust will not be built without time and attention being paid to the relationships between men in your church. We have seen men saved, addictions overcome, marriages restored and deep wounds dealt with all as the result of the movement of God in the men of our church. Many of these times can be traces back to the gatherings discussed above.
Sometimes you can program a church to death. No program can replace preaching and discipleship in the training of Christians in general. Children need this from their parents. Adults need this from spiritually mature adults. You may have a “discipleship program”, but true discipleship never ends.
When discipling people, you need to train them up in their own spiritual walk. But it’s important to train them up to train others up. This applies to men. Look at the word “nurture”. We tend to think of this as something women do. But it’s something that men are to do. It needs to be a man’s word. And indeed men nurture things. A farmer nurtures his crops – plants and animals alike. An automobile aficionado nurtures his cars. A man is called to nurture his wife and his family. Church leaders are likewise called to nurture their church.
But we tend to think of leaders in the church as those men like these:
1) have demonstrated that they can make money in their businesses: “He’s done well in the roofing business. He will be good on the budget committee;”
2) are assertive and ask questions about things that don’t matter to most other people: “He’s really adamant that we should get the red carpet instead of the burgundy. It must be important;”
3) get especially angry about defending certain doctrines: “He’s good about arguing the Bible with everyone. He must be spiritually mature.”
And so we tend to raise up leaders who aren’t personally leading the next generation.
What should happen as a general pattern is that church membership should come with an understanding that you will have godly people who will disciple you and your family. They will be in your business. But as you grow and mature in the church, you will be asked to lend similar guidance to others according to your gifts.
One problem we have is that our culture is entirely too private. We think that church is where we go to be on our best behavior, not have our motives questioned. So we leave church and we get to relax and be our own little depraved selves. That is the antithesis of what church is supposed to be.
We should be uncomfortable away from our brothers and sisters in a world that is hostile to us. We should be comfortable with the people who are charged with being their brothers’ keepers because these people will help us glorify Christ with everything we are. We should rejoice in that. Christian men should long for the iron that sharpens their iron.
“How Does Your Church Train Up Men?”
Christian formation.