The other day I wrote a post on Deuteronomy and the idea that the church needs to be a place that connects the generations. We Timothys (the younger peeps) need Pauls (the older, faithful saints) to help us know, understand, and learn from the past, and to help us keep looking towards the future.
Anyone who is anyone will tell you that in church life (or: anywhere else) this isn’t the easiest thing. For whatever reasons, we let style get in the way or relationship substance. Without wise leadership the older generations can feel like the younger are trying to take over the church and chuck the traditions out the window, baby, bathwater, and all. The younger generation can feel like they have a hard time connecting with and seeing the profitability in some of the traditions and wonder why the older generation wants to stubbornly drag their feet.
Tensions mount, other bad stuff happens. Fellowship doesn’t.
So how do we bridge the gap? How do we encourage connection and relationship building across the generational divide? I ask this more as an open forum and less a “here let me give you five answers” post. Because frankly, as a pastor in my mid-30s, I don’t have the answers. I’ve found myself connecting well with my church members about a decade younger than me; and connecting mildly well with those several decades older than me (oddly, it’s the ones my own age I have the most trouble with).
In my ministry experience, the younger people in my church would love more interaction with the older people but feel largely ignored. The older people wouldn’t mind more interaction with the younger people but feel they can’t relate.
So, brothers and sisters: how do we bridge the gap? How do we connect the generations and raise up Pauls and Timothys?
It’s a great question!
My attempt to answer it:
There’s no single program that will do this. It’s something that must be built into the culture of the church. It should be built into the culture of every church, but the fact that this question needs to be asked means that most of us have lost this in the West.
Rebuilding this into the church culture may be easier in some places than in other places, or with some demographics (other than the age difference, of course) than others. The fact is that the only way it can happen is to teach it consistently and often from the scriptures so that people understand that it is an expectation. Every last leader and teacher in the church needs to be on board with it. They need to be taught first if they aren’t practicing it. It requires a healthy dose of humility from the top down and a willingness to sacrificially serve others with the intent to build each other up.
This probably won’t happen immediately and may take as long as a generation to become part of the identity of the church as a whole.
Thanks for your thoughts, Jim. And while, you’re right, no one program will accomplish this…
Follow-up Q: What are some ways you’ve tried (or have seen this tried) to build this into the culture where you are?
I’m not a pastor so I can’t speak to doing this as a pastor, but I can tell you how I’ve been intentional about this in my spheres of influence. While I have specifically taught on this, the greater work seems to be more organic.
With my family, I have involved my kids in their family intergenerationally. So we attend and support family get-togethers where they interact with grandparents and younger cousins alike. My wife and I have always been intently involved in their activities and also involve them in our activities (where appropriate, of course). We typically minister together as a family. We have also taught them hymns and CCM alike, both in English and Spanish so that we can sing them on our travels. So they are comfortable in a variety of circumstances with a variety of people, young and old, rich and poor.
My church is pretty healthy on its own, but I am intent on getting to know young and old alike. I’m naturally an introvert and have to practice being conversational. So I don’t mind going outside of my comfort zone to speak to someone and find out what they need. It’s one thing for a pastor to do this, but I know that if I demonstrate respect for older ways and also delight in the value I find in newer ways that others who see me will be motivated to similarly respect how God has worked through various forms throughout at least recent history (the past few hundred years).
At work I honor older employees, relying on their wisdom, and encourage younger employees to learn from the people who have made our company the great place it is to work today. I’m blessed to have such a place. Other companies I hear about don’t treat their employees very well. Mine finds value in building up the people who make it successful and I’m happy to be part of that. It should be that way in a church as well, verbally recognizing the value of truly valuable traditions as well as truly valuable new forms and innovations that support the continuation of the proclamation of the gospel in the local fellowship, wider community, and around the world.
These aren’t simply sentiments and platitudes. I’m passionate about participating in a healthy body of believers. It breaks my heart to see older folks embrace traditions that have lost their effectiveness because there are also some traditions worth keeping around, while dismissing helpful innovations because there are some bad innovations. It similarly breaks my heart to see young people forget good traditions because there are some bad ones and embrace bad innovations because there are some good ones. It’s best all around to keep good traditions and new forms while saying farewell to bad traditions and putting a quick end to innovations once we see how terrible they are. No one should be more attached to a mere form than they are to the true glory of God.
Completely unrelated to the post, I just have to say: I only have vague memories of my grandpa (dad’s dad), for he died when I was 7; but from the memories and the pictures I’ve seen–the old man from Up looks exactly like my grandpa.
(I’m sure someone else will argue the same thing about their grandpa, but I’m telling you: it’s like a dead-on picture of mine) 🙂
Having been raised by maternal grandparents who were born in the 19th century (1888 and 1892), I can tell you that there is a vast difference between their attitudes toward the generations. Today, the masses are being brainwashed into thinking that the only generation that matters is the one in which the individual exists, a sort of 20 year framework that reaches its apex between 30 and 50. All others are too young or too old and relatives by birth and adoption do not amount to a hill of beans which is baloney. I had a lady from another section of the country who denied that my grandfather’s brother and his family were even my kinfolks!!! Clearly, that individual knew nothing of our area of the nation and nothing at all about Scotch clans (a really extended family). O well, I will stop with that.
Mike, a super important question. The “bridging” is difficult, and even more so with the “three word and an emoticon” deep conversations that are had these days.
Older guys have a lot of things that they can offer though, and weave the Old, Old Story into the experience. For instance, I like to build stuff. Like garden houses, shops, ….any project will do. I find that kids, especially boys (12-17) are always intrigued with learning (even though they would never admit it). So, my latest project is a Garden house, and one of the fathers in the church wanted his sons to learn the “trade”. We are finishing up on the foundations…..the boys come over for about 4-6 hours on Saturday, and we are in the third weekend and ready to pour concrete.
During this process, I always find a way to work the foundation of the Garden house (could be any project), into the foundation of being a man, and leading his family by building on the right foundation, etc. You get the picture. The fun part for me, is simply spending the time! Letting the conversation soak. It beats trying to get them to sit still for a 15 minute story without much attention. I get them for hours, and relate a real life experience to a real life experience. It is a powerful way to get to know the youth, and the stories they tell when they get back inside the church building on Sunday! I’ve already nicknamed the smallest boy “BC” (baby carrot), and his older brother and Dad are getting a lot of mileage out of that one. The young one kind of likes it too.
Bottom line, Older guys need to get creative and use the tools and skills that have got you where you are today, and the Gospel naturally flows. Take your fifteen minute opportunity into hours of hands on encouragement…..
This definitely doesn’t solve all of the problem, but it has encouraged inter-generational connections and development at my church. Every Sunday evening, we have a multi-generational service. The format it completely different. We all stay together instead of dispersing into age segregated classes. The service starts out normal enough, we sing and pray, then it gets a little wild. We play a game that reinforces the sermon from the morning. I usually take volunteers (usually kids) for the game, but also have everyone play occasionally. Then we have a Bible study, in which I ask plenty of questions, sometimes saying, “and what do the kids think?” or “what insight can the teens give us on this?” and so on. I try to have another big game/illustration toward the end, and we all have a good time learning and playing together.