I have made this statement and never had a preacher disagree with me.
I spent the weekend doing a wedding and it was a delightful time. The bride and groom seem tremendously suited for one another and I think they will have a happy family. It was a good deal of work, but I had a great time at the dinner, at the wedding and at the reception. I was glad to have the chance to participate
But I would still rather do a funeral. No, I’m not happy that someone has died and that people are grieving. But as a pastor, I find funerals to be much more fulfilling ministry than weddings. Maybe you disagree with me, or maybe you would like to add to my reasons for thinking this. Here are my thoughts as to why every preacher I’ve ever talked to about it has agreed with me that we would rather perform funerals than weddings.
1) Every funeral I’ve ever done has lasted!
That is not (just) a silly joke. Every time I do a wedding I find myself wondering, “Did I do a good enough job of preparing them for what lies ahead?” “Should I really have done this wedding?” I realize that it is not my fault if a marriage doesn’t work out, but that pressure exists when you perform a marriage.
2) Funerals provide real opportunities for ministry.
Every once in a while, a couple wants to focus on the Lord and make the wedding a time of worship and celebration of Christ. There are many who want to give honor to Christ and have a gospel message, but few that really want Christ to be the focus. The focus is the bride (and groom), the decorations and dresses. At most weddings, pastors are ceremonial and perfunctory. The introduction of topics like sin and hell and crucifixion and salvation can seen like a crude interruption to a day of flowers and frills.
But at a funeral, there is a real chance to minister. First of all, I preach the gospel to more people at funerals than at any other time in my life. I have the opportunity to talk about Christ to people who are hurting and thinking about eternity. They are struggling with issues of life and death, eternity and judgment – all those things we tend to ignore on a daily basis.
At a wedding, people just want a minister to lead the vows and sign the license, but at a funeral, people are hurting and need a minister to minister!
3) Weddings tend to focus us on things that don’t really matter, while funerals focus us on eternal things.
This encapsulates what I have said before. Weddings get to be about photographers and colors and drama. But when someone dies, our hearts turn to eternity and the consideration of what really matters. Weddings are a momentary break from reality and funerals slap us back to eternal realities.
There is undoubtedly more I could say (and may say), but these are my basic thoughts.
Your turn.
Agreed. Funerals are about death..and life. Wedding are surely important, but funerals present a terrific opportunity to preach the gospel and hand over Christ to a lot of people who have the full force of the law (death) staring them right in the face. It’s the perfect time to let people know that one day they too will be in the box. But that Christ Jesus loves fresh dirt. His favorite thing to do is to raise real sinners from the grave to eternal life with Himself in heaven. That death no longer is the last word. __ I have… Read more »
(Disclaimer: I’ve only done one wedding, but I’ve done lots of funerals) My feeling is likely influenced by my lopsided experience. Pastoring a congregation made up mostly of seniors, I’ve had too many opportunities to do funerals and too few to do weddings. The one wedding I performed was a joy. There is a thrill in knowing I have played a part in joining two people together. There is also the question of whether or not this will last, but that points to something else I like about weddings. Funerals do provide real opportunities for ministry, but in general a… Read more »
Told a wedding planner exactly that same thing last night. I’ve almost gotten to the point of saying “no” to any wedding other than church members or my own family.
“Weddings tend to focus us on things that don’t really matter, while funerals focus us on eternal things.” I just don’t think that I could say it that way. Yes, it’s true that many modern weddings do put focus on things that are rather temporal, but some of that may come from the removal of wedding liturgy from the ceremony and the informality of some Baptist wedding receptions of which many are only a handful of peanuts, mints, and a slice of cake. We need to remember that the visions of Revelation picture the commencement of eternal consummated fellowship as… Read more »
I typed this thing quickly this morning during the Sunday School hour, so I wasn’t careful with my wording.
My point was that the focus of the people involved in weddings is generally not on eternal things, but one the temporal.
Weddings can be great celebrations of Christ, but while there are few who really want Christ to the be central focus at a wedding.
Maybe I just do them badly…
I have thought the same thing so many times over the years. Even though it probably doesn’t provoke much discussion, I am glad to hear another pastor say the same thing I have always thought.
I’ve had this conversation with a lot of different pastors and every one so far has agreed with me (except, perhaps, Mr. “No Weddings” Roberts above.)
*ahem* that’s Mr. “One Wedding” Roberts to you!
Though I will note that I called a pastor friend after the wedding and told him how pumped I was, ready to do more. He advised that after a few weddings, that kind of elation would likely wear off. I look forward to finding out if he’s right.
It’s a little like asking which wing on an airplane is more important .. the right or the left.
Dave I think you are responding to what Scripture notes as true.
Ecc 7:2 ESV It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.
Especially for dealing with eternity is this so, even though I have participated in some weddings that were truly worship.
I’ve been to a few, too.
Dave Miller,
Wedding, Funeral, aren’t they the same?
But seriously, I have always hated funerals. My last funeral was a couple of weeks ago, and I went into a deep depression for about four days. I already take medication for depression.
Over time I build up such a wonderful relationship with the members of the church I serve. When I lose one it turns my world upside down for a few days. I never forget them.
I know they are in Heaven, but the funeral hurts. I agree that there is no better time to share Christ.
It’s ‘okay’ to mourn. We have been granted a time to mourn for the dead . . . to mourn for the dead is a holy thing for a Christian because, the way of our mourning is conjoined with, and exceeded by our affirmation of the Lord Who leads us into Life. 1 Thessalonians 4:13 “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.” ‘The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.’ (1 Cor 15:26) (Revelation 21:4) He will wipe away… Read more »
From a spiritual perspective, I see your point. And like any minister who has been in the ministry for years, I have been at my share of weddings where either the couple or their families paid too much attention to the details and too little to things that really matter. However, based on the emotional components of each, I cannot agree. As ministers, we all know there are times we officiate at a funeral in which we have no emotional involvement: maybe we are new at a particular pastorate and either do not know the person, or have barely more… Read more »
Okay, John brings up an interesting point. I am talking about weddings/funerals of people that are not close friends or family or such.
Of course, I would rather participate in the wedding of a close friend or family member than the funeral.
I hope I wasn’t being cavalier, but being a pastor, you are asked to perform weddings and funerals for a lot of people.
My point is pretty simple – a funeral is an opportunity to do real ministry while the pastor’s role in a wedding is largely ceremonial and perfunctory.
Thanks for clarifying that, DAVID.
What a beautiful analogy of the differences between a funeral and a wedding to officiate. I agree wholeheartedly, that there are many more opportunities for ministering to the grieving and eternity-searching attendees. Weddings are a time of “celebration and feasting” and referencing Ecc 7:2 and honestly, what we have in today’s society by way of “weddings” are nothing short of mockeries to what God made as a beautiful union! Funerals are also a time of “celebration” to those who are born again Christians but in a much different way!