Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. (Romans 12:15)
I’ve always thought the hard part of this verse is what comes after the comma. In fact most of my focus on this passage has centered around obeying the second half of this verse. We’ve all had experiences of insensitive people who refused to weep with us when we were weeping. Nobody wants to be that guy who laughs at a funeral.
Picture the scene.
A group of guys are hanging out enjoying a ball game. They’re surrounded by hot wings, big screen televisions, and other faithful fans. They are having a great time…at least until Melancholy Mark shows up. He’s the male version of Debbie Downer. Though everyone else is having a grand time Mark informs everyone that he just got laid off from work and he isn’t sure how he is going to pay his light bill.
The party comes screeching to a halt.
How Do We Apply Romans 12:15?
Now, don’t get me wrong these dudes are required by Romans 12:15 to mourn with Mark because he is mourning. To go on partying and downing chicken wings while their buddy Mark can’t pay his light bill would be insensitive.
But I’m not sure that stopping the party means that we are done applying this verse. What about Mark? Does Romans 12:15 have any bearing on him, to rejoice with those who rejoice?
I understand that rejoicing over chicken wings and a ball game is much less significant than losing a job. The two don’t weigh the same on a scale of importance. But I believe my larger point stands. Suffering isn’t always the trump card and when we find ourselves mourning it isn’t ours to play to bring others down to our level of gloom.
At various times you will find yourself on either side of this verse. When Paul tells someone to mourn with those who mourn he is speaking to someone that would not at present be mourning if it weren’t for the pain of his brother. Likewise, when he tells someone to rejoice with those who rejoice he is speaking to someone that would not at present be rejoicing if it weren’t for the joy of his brother.
This helps us see that we apply this verse based upon which side of the equation we are on. When I am mourning, my responsibility in this verse is to rejoice with those rejoicing. Likewise when I’m rejoicing, my responsibility is to mourn with those who are mourning.
What This Means For The Church
I’m convinced that this verse is exceedingly counter-cultural. There was once a time when the church and culture erred on the side of a faux joviality in the face of real suffering. I’m convinced that we live in a day and age when doubt has become a sexy virtue. And with it suffering is worn as a badge of honor and played as a trump card in relationships.
If I’m suffering then I play the Romans 12:15 trump card to get you to come down to my gloom. If you don’t do it then I can write you off as an insensitive jerk that barely models the weeping Christ.
But what I really should do is apply Romans 12:15 to my own heart and realize that even in the midst of my gloom I have a responsibility to celebrate a wedding, to be delighted in a baptism, to be overjoyed in discipleship.
We cannot follow our culture in this regard. To do so is to sacrifice the joy that Christ purchased on our behalf. It is to concede defeat and to live as if Christ didn’t come to destroy the works of the enemy. Yes, we still mourn. But our mourning is not as those without hope. Every ounce of mourning is tinged with rejoicing. Just as every bit of rejoicing this side of eternity is tempered with mourning.
When we find ourselves suffering let us not pretend that darkness trumps the morning. Instead let us be a people who fight for an already purchased joy in Christ.
Mike.
I hope you will include this in your upcoming commentary series on the book of Romans.
I am buying it.
Thanks!
Glenn, I don’t think I’ll be publishing a commentary on Romans anytime soon. Unless I can convince a publisher to let me cut and paste the one written by Tom Schreiner.
I can’t imagine what a man must think to write a commentary on Romans. “I think I have a perspective that can top all those other guys that have written on the book.”
Thanks. No.
I’m still looking for a publisher for my commentary on Proverbs 1-9.
Mike,
I would def. buy your commentary on Romans!!!
This is a good admonition. The only danger I see is that many people who suffer depression don’t tell anyone and act like everything is okay because they believe (sometimes rightly, but usually with greater weight than what’s true) that no one really cares. Telling them to act happy so they rejoice with those who rejoice only encourages them to continue hiding what they already feel. There’s plenty of people who are popular because they are always upbeat and they are adept at encouraging people to join their bliss. You really don’t see a lot of people looking for those… Read more »
Thanks, Jim. I would note that nowhere have I encouraged people who are mourning or depressed to “act happy”. I’m saying that in the midst of our mourning we ought to pursue legitimate rejoicing. Maybe…just maybe…such a thing could help someone get of the rut of self-focus that so often is depression. (I say this as one that battles the black dog on a somewhat regular occasion). And I’ve got to be honest and say that I think it is a myth that “few if any care about helping someone mourn”. Just monitor Facebook for a season and tell me… Read more »
You are right in that you didn’t encourage people to “act happy”, but I fear that someone would take it that way. Like you, I have suffered depression and during a bout I might read that meaning into what you wrote. I guess the weight of what’s encouraged is experiential, or perhaps subcultural. Where I am I see people flock to the ones who always rejoice. There are a few cases where the suffering will receive mourning-type support: cancer or other obvious extreme illness and death in the family are two examples. Otherwise, precious few around here are willing to… Read more »
Jim, A true pastors heart ye have! My wife gave me this quote recently. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Wendy Mass My first thought was, But Wendy, we do know about many of these battles. Yet, those who rejoice and those who weep can resist telling why. We have a Philippians 2:1 Culture. It must be safe for people to show concern, confess, weep, laugh with abandon or they won’t. Do we underestimate how odd it is in this world to become a safe place / church for those who hide… Read more »
Mike;
Great thoughts. Your closing paragraph, points the way so well:
“When we find ourselves suffering let us not pretend that darkness trumps the morning. Instead let us be a people who fight for an already purchased joy in Christ.”
There must be a limit to a Christian’s mourning (sorrow, depression, pain, etc.) and limitless joy. Unfortunately, the church has too many members insisting on their own entitlement to limitless ‘suffering’.
Thanks,
Dale
Nice stuff Mike! I really like this line and think it is spot on… “I’m convinced that we live in a day and age when doubt has become a sexy virtue. And with it suffering is worn as a badge of honor and played as a trump card in relationships.” The Apostle Paul is giving us a kingdom glimpse here I believe. On how to take advantage of the gifts and fruit He has provided to the church. It is dramatically counter culture when we see it for real. As you have intimated, there are folks in the church looking… Read more »
Mike, Are you certain that Paul’s words here apply to the opposing sides? That is, that Paul is telling those in mourning to rejoice and those who are excited to mourn? Or could it be that Paul is speaking primarily to those with dull hearts who are jealous of those who are rejoicing and who are insensitive to those who are suffering? Admittedly, I have not done any serious study of the surrounding context of the verse, but the latter scenario is how I’ve always taken it. That said, I do think you have a valid point about developing a… Read more »
Thanks for the question, Bob. I think 12:15 is connected with 12:16. “Live in harmony with one another”. For me I don’t see any reason to apply “mourn with those who mourn” but then gloss over “rejoice with those who rejoice” as if it has no meaning or application. There is nothing in the text that would force me to give greater weight to one side of the comma. Consider what is being said here and what it takes to “mourn with those who mourn” and “rejoice with those who rejoice”. If I am in a state of mourning (or… Read more »
I definitely agree that you can’t treat one side of the comma differently than the other. However, that was not my point. I also agree that the verse is pride-destroying. However, not all mourning is rooted in pride. If it was then Paul wouldn’t be telling them to mourn. All I was saying was that the verse does not seem to be addressing what to do when you have a mourning person show up at a birthday party, rather it seems to be speaking generally to promote harmony. Therefore, the purpose of the verse seems to be to provide comfort… Read more »
“But what I really should do is apply Romans 12:15 to my own heart …” Amen Mike. I’ve been following sermon podcasts of a young whippersnapper SBC church planter in my area. He has grown the crowd to mega status with mostly college students who like his brand of preaching when he offers things like “Here is one prayer you should never pray ‘Jesus, forgive me of my sins'” (?!). They also like his potty-mouth style of delivery and the church’s cool band of loud drums, screaming guitars, and gyrating singers in tight pants. Another podcast gem he served the… Read more »