Thinking about what to write today, my wife suggested I write something lighter since my last few essays were heavy-duty. Wives are great for reading us husbands, aren’t they? Oftentimes I’m slow to recognize what my wife has known for a long time. Yesterday was a perfect example of this.
We were home and I went to check myself in a mirror. As I was taming a wild hair I had an epiphany. “You know,” I said, turning to around to her. “You’re right. You really are blessed to have me as your husband.”
I could tell by her face that I surprised her. I’m not sure what the rolling of her eyes meant. Maybe I embarrassed her by reading her mind? That was probably it. I can’t imagine what else it could’ve been.
Despite being married to a great guy like me, our marriage isn’t always perfect. Even after being together for five years, secrets come out. Over the weekend we drove past a McDonald’s. The yellow sign out front announced in big, black letters, THE McRIB IS BACK! Ah, the McRib, the legendary ground pork & pickle & onions delight, slathered in barbecue sauce and back for another limited-time only appearance.
I’ll never forget the revelation that came next. That’s when the needle on the record of beautiful music that is our marriage jumped and screeched to a stop.
“I’ve never had a McRib.”
Now, mind you, my wife did not grow up as an MK in some faraway land. Granted, she grew up in Ohio, but… She’s never had a McRib? I thought. You have to understand, I take my fast food pretty seriously, theologically even.
“Who are you?” I asked. “It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”
She continued to drive; I broke out my smart phone. I needed empathy and advice from a trusted source I knew would keep our private struggle completely confidential: Facebook. The wise counsel of my 308 closest friends and strangers came immediately.
The McRib is an early warning sign, man. You may want to probe gently to see if she knows about the Shamrock Shake. If not, you need to get her on the first bus to ‘Hamburger U‘
ur marriage is still salvageable anthony! there is a solution – get her that sandwich w/in the next 48 hours & u can go back to the way you were. the experience may even make ur marriage stronger! worth a try…
But the big question is…can she quote what’s on the big MAC. Hmmmm. If not u need to b counseled
As we drove I had to make some sensitive inquiries if our union was to be saved.
“Uh, say, Honey, you’ve heard of a ‘Shamrock Shake’ before, haven’t you, Sweetheart?”
“Oh yeah. St. Patty’s Day.”
Whew. She also passed the Big Mac test perfectly. I was feeling hopeful again.
The rest of the day turned out okay. The McRib will be around until November 14th. We are working through things and I’m optimistic we can stop in for one before then.
Just to show that there are no hard feelings, last night I made dinner. I do OK in the kitchen. I’m pretty good with going through the cabinets, gauging what we have on-hand, and then coming up with something. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Last night I experimented with sloppy joes. Over dinner my wife and were talking (I forget what about) and she quoted that old adage, “Ignorance is bliss.”
“I know,” I told her. “You’re eating it.”
She laughed and rolled her eyes again. I still don’t know what that means, but I’m glad she does it a lot around me.