I woke up a couple of hours ago and I already wish I hadn’t!
That’s perhaps a bit extreme, but it has been a gloomy 120 minutes. I got a call from our oldest member that his wife had died and since I’m about to leave on vacation to see my newest grandson, my schedule is in a tizzy. I’m in talks with my Sunday Leader about whether to open up our Sunday School ministry at the start of the school year and again I am confronted with the fact that I just don’t have a clue! There are those who seem to know exactly what to do at every moment, self-assured to the core. I’m not blessed with such self-assurance (despite what some seem to think) and I constantly doubt my decisions. One of my leadership goals has been to see that SHBC does not become a news story (“COVID outbreak at Sioux CIty church”) and yet I am seeing that if we reopen too slowly, the damage to the church could be permanent. I should be one of those guys who pretends I know everything, I guess. We have the constant pressure of trying to figure out what to do with my mom and dad, who want to stay at home in their last days, but now require constant care. I’m an old guy and I’m tired.
Plus, the Yankees have been losing the last few days – almost as much as the Houston Astros.
I am thankful for a group of pastor-friends I have an ongoing private conversation with, guys I can trust and unburden my heart to. Some of them have it worse than I do. Some seem to be going okay. Here’s what I’ve been finding out as I minister in this pandemic and talk to other pastors who are doing the same.
It is hard.
I’ve been in ministry since 1980 and full-time since early 1982. I haven’t experienced anything like this because there hasn’t been anything like this. It wears on me. I am tired all the time and life feels like it is make-believe. I talk to enough other pastors to know that what I am feeling these days is not just my problem. A lot of pastors are feeling it – discouragement, perhaps even depression – a feeling of displacement, confusion.
I am not sure I want to give a lot of advice right now, because that would go against the gist of this – why would you take advice from someone who has ADMITTED that he is struggling and clueless? Permit me a few observations, at least.
1. We need each other. I’m speaking of other pastors. I know some guys who use social media to pump up their ego and tell everyone how great things are. Who do those guys go to when things aren’t going so well? I am thankful to have a circle of friends I can be grumpy with, unload on, and mutually encourage. It makes a difference. In Cedar Rapids, I had a local ministerial group. Here, it’s an online group of friends.
If you are a Lone Ranger, my pastor friend, the enemy will pick you off in the end.
2. As pastors, our job is minister to the saints. I don’t think I need to lead the fight against the “mask of the beast” or promoting the latest conspiracy theories. In my church, I have people who religiously wear masks and social distance, and I have people who regard this whole thing as a conspiracy against the president’s reelection. It is not my job as pastor to pick a side and fight that battle. I am ministering the gospel and preaching the word to everyone in this time. Our duty is to keep the main thing the main thing, isn’t it?
3. Our role as shepherds is even more important in a time of confusion, doubt, and fear. We can admit we don’t have all the answers, but we must lead in seeking God’s truth, God’s will, and God’s way in this time. We have to be more diligent and more faithful as shepherds and persevere. The ministry that wears me out is more essential than ever.
4. We need to recognize that the stress we are feeling is likely magnified in our people. Why are so many people latching on to conspiracies and silliness that makes us shake our heads? They are confused and angry and fearful. They don’t need know-it-all pastors but they do need to be reminded that God is in charge and that this pandemic is not threatening his throne. Hold up Jesus. Exalt the Sovereign God.
5. I sometimes need to remember the two treat truths of theology that pastors sometimes forget.
- There is a God.
- I am not him.
I may be essential personnel to the life and ministry of my church, but I am not omniscient, omnipresent, or omnipotent. I am not the foundation of my church. It will go on when I don’t. It is easy for us to develop messianic complexes as if the Kingdom rests on us. It does not. Christ is the foundation, the Rock who builds a church that hell cannot contend with, and it becomes unhealthy when we act as if we are the foundation, we hurt the churches we are meant to serve.
I think the key here, as it always has been, is just to be faithful. I’m tired and a lot of days I want to quit. I don’t. My feelings are just feelings, not my Lord. I’m gonna work through this one and keep going.
Thanks for letting me work through my issues here today. Let’s support and encourage one another.
Always enjoy reading your uplifting posts!
Pastor, I couldn’t agree with you more! Your words brought encouragement to me today as one of my old deacons brothers passed away and another deacon in a church I pastored was put into hospice. I always wondered does everyone feel so run down as you and I have felt? Thank you and blessings with the new addition to your family.
In Christ,
Pastor Lester Harper
Bless you, my brother, for sharing like you do. As a pastor of a Hispanic Baptist church, I have as part of our ministry to interpret and inform our folks, most of whom do not understand a lot of English, about what is going on. Many times the phrase “the blind leading the blind” comes to my mind. Praise the Lord our God is an awesome God and sees things so clearly. I don’t know how a lot of this is going to come out, but I do know that there will be a time when I find out how… Read more »
Good word, Dave enjoy your visit with your grand baby, God will take care of everyone while you are gone. I am praying for you to be refresh and encourage.
Good word. 4 and 5 are especially important.
In 49 years of pastoral experience, through good times and bad, in good health and fighting two different types of stage four cancer, I can say that I’ve never dealt with anything like trying to shepherd a flock of God in 2020.
I’m thankful that where my abilities stop, His faithfulness continues.
Do not feel alone my brother.
I appreciate your observations and especially identified with numbers two and five!
Dave, Your willingness to be publicly vulnerable, humble and transparent …has nourished my thirsty soul. Thank you for ‘swimming against the dangerous current’ of unrealistic, play-to-the-audience social media postings. Long before COVID reared it’s head …the well known statistical surveys relative to pastoral depression and vocational disillusionment, spoke volumes on the need for a healthy outlet for release. It is a sad irony when many men, (primarily) realize late in the journey, the supernatural restoration of the soul, through an unprecedented outpouring of compassionate support, in response when revealing the struggles of the ‘fractured vessel’ behind the pulpit. I wish… Read more »
I appreciate the kind words
Dave,
You nailed it! Thank you.
I feel much better after reading it and will share it with pastor friends who I meet with regularly.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you Dave for your many years in the LORD’s service. God is greater than all of this. I will continue to pray for you.
A word of update. The funeral is planned for Friday. My wife is heading on vacation without me and I am flying to Cincinnati Friday afternoon to meet her.
Amen! Pastors need each other, just as church members need each other. I thank God for the pastor brothers who encouraged me in my down times. The gift of encouragement is a great one. We are the Band of Brothers in the Lord’s Army.
You’ve spoken for many of us. Thanks. Therapeutic for many, just reading this. Heartfelt identification. God will see us through this. And for that, I’m grateful.
Yes sir
I needed to read this. Glad I did. This whole mess is trying. It IS hard. I almost laugh at those who seem to try and make it no big deal. I try to be in touch with myself and know who I am and who I am not, but I get confused sometimes and try to be who I am not. I try to bear the entire burden of the church, but I cannot. Thank you for simply sharing. I had a friend trying to pull me into the conspiracies and I found I was spending WAY to much… Read more »
I have been preaching through Revelation and have been reminded it isn’t about conspiracy theories and curiosities. It is about Jesus winning.
Thankfully, we haven’t had many in the hospital from our church during the pandemic. Last week, I had to do a ZOOM call with one of our elderly members who had pneumonia, which was determined not to be Covid-related. She was very distressed emotionally, but I was not allowed to be in the hospital with her. By God’s grace, turned out to be a better sermon than I preach most Sundays. But it still wasn’t the same. And it’s lousy.
Praying for all pastors who are dealing with stuff like this and worse.
You are helping many people answer the important question, “Is this a normal feeling or is it just me?” The weariness, uncertainty, unpredictability and distraction, I know I feel it and I’m not a pastor! We currently lack the external structures that normally drive our day, week and month, our deadlines, our motivation and direction. So we get wagged around by whatever calls and needs present themselves. Nothing ever seems well-planned, prepared, executed or accomplished, it’s hard to get people on the same page, everything seems fractured, there’s no “it is finished” and “well done,” and no one lifting you… Read more »
Keeping the main thing the main thing is critical. Knowing what the main thing is, is wisdom. Thank you , Dave for authenticity.