Nothing I’m about to say has any social, moral, or spiritual value.
1. It is clearly not enough to simply rebuke morning people. Should they be subjected to church discipline and felony prosecution, or are more extreme forms of punishment indicated?
2. Why can’t coffee taste as good as it smells? Why are there no coffee-scented after-shaves and perfumes?
3. Restaurants are robbing us blind by charging 3 bucks for a glass of tea or cola, then act as if “free refills” is some kind of magnanimous gesture.
4. I’m not sure I want to live in a world where something called a “gourmet hamburger” exists.
5. If I could lose my salvation, it would happen as I pushed buttons trying to work my way through an automatic phone tree trying to find a real human being to talk to at customer service.
6. A few years ago, when I called Nationwide Insurance to tell them that a bison had attacked our vehicle, the nice lady actually laughed at me. It stung a little.
7. Anyone who tells you that weight loss is about something more than burning more calories than you consume is selling something…which will not work.
8. When America finally collapses, one of the root causes may be reality TV. Blame the Jersey Shore, the Kardashians, and the Real Housewives.
9. There was once a humble and reasonable SEC fan, but the rest ganged up and drove him out of Dixie.
10. I’ve had West Nile virus, Swine flu, and a host of other fun diseases, but a simple stomach virus is worse than all of them.
11. Salad makes you fat. If you want to test that hypothesis, go to any fast food restaurant. The only people ordering salads look like me.
12. I tend to assume corruption of some form in sports or competitions that involve polls, judges, or expert voting. I am usually right.
13. People who say a college team would beat a pro team in basketball or football should be forced to don a dunce hat and sit in a corner.
14. Is Skip Bayless the cause of everything bad in America or just a symptom of it?
15. I love and could live on fresh fruit and vegetables as long as they are accompanied by real food.
16. I’m kinda glad the liberals took Baylor away from the SBC these days.
17. Women’s soccer players have every right to demand equal pay because most of us would rather watch them play than the men. That is most definitely not true with the WNBA.
18. I pay for cable so that I will have more channels on which there is nothing worth watching.
19. Why do people go to hell in handbaskets?
20. I used my driver’s license to identify myself at the voting booth this week. Why would people consider proving your identity as intimidation or voter suppression?
21. I assume that Donald Trump is now going to accept the results of the election?
22. Someday, when I have nothing to do, I’m going to listen to football all day and write down the stupid things the announcers say. It must be harder than it looks.
23. Experts are wrong in their predictions most of the time, but we continue to listen to them and take their advice.
24. As a huge fan of all the iterations of NCIS, I would strongly discourage anyone from joining the Navy. The murder rate is astronomical.
25. When I number things, I feel compelled to use certain numbers. I always do 7, 10, 12, or now 25. I had 24, but it didn’t seem right, so I added this one to get to 25. I’m stopping here, but if I go to 26, I’ll have to go all the way to 30. Does that make me obsessive compulsive?