I asked you what was wrong with me
“Nothing,” you said, that you could see.
“Just be what you were meant to be.”
And that’s supposed to set me free?
“But this feels wrong,” I answered back.
“Somehow I just seem off track.”
“You’re fine,” you said, with gentle tact
“Your feelings are just out of whack.”
“Don’t carry ’round your guilt that way.
“We’re living in a brand new day.
“There’s no more need to self betray,
“Don’t give self-judgment so much sway.
But what of God? He sees inside
Surely He won’t just let me hide,
With self and pride so justified
And truth and grace so well denied?
You answered back with a practiced glow
“Just drop this sadness, discard that woe,
“Accept yourself, just bloom and grow.
“After all, God loves you too, you know.”
And a bit of truth slipped from you to me,
“God’s love is what will see me free!”
From what I was to what I’ll be.
For God’s compassion won’t lie to me.
— Thom Hunter
Outside my window this morning, life is fluttering by. Literally. In the past few moments, a graceful, floating butterfly and a determined and focused red wasp have been gliding about just beyond the window screen. Both of them on a mission. Pollination, sweet nectar, a bitter sting. A mix of beauty and a bit of bite.
Some mornings we want a butterfly to lull us into peaceful bliss. Some days we deserve — and need — a sting to bring us directly into contact with the reality of pain. Sometimes when we want to follow the lazy butterfly down the garden path, we should be dashing down a trail swatting away at a yellowjacket, confronting the reality that life bites more often than hope floats.
I have come to the conclusion that at this point in my life I have been favored by a rationing of compassion, resulting in a reasonable rationality of reality. For the most part, my problems indeed turned out to be real problems for me and many others . . . which in the long run leads me to seek real solutions. Of course, that “long run” has been much longer than I would have ever thought my mind and heart and soul could survive, and it surpassed the limits of others. But guess what? The perilous points of rest along the way were punctuated with real compassion . . . the love that God provides for the endurance of those who run the race instead of forsaking the pace.
Truly I have experienced the mean-ness of compassion. That borderline compassion that feels so hateful at the time, like the sting of a wayward wasp, who sits for a second on your bare arm, inflicts his pain and flits away leaving heat and swelling, redness and itching. That’s wrong . . . and it’s why aerosol sprays were invented, so you can respond in justified wrath. Sometimes, when those who claim to represent God inflict “compassion” in ways of pain and flitting, they need to be shot down so they don’t just fly around stinging others.
I have also experienced what seems to be the coldness of compassion. Zapped by truth in its most freezing and paralyzing form, left to drift and die on an iceberg in view of those who sip their drinks on the balcony of passing ships and point at me as I become smaller and smaller as the distance between us grows. They may be cruising on their own Titanic, but no one may know ’till the iceberg comes to view.
Lest this be seen as merely a meandering of woe is me, I have also experienced the compassion that is real and warm to the touch. A compassion that does not depend on determined distance but on intended closeness. Not on separation, but on walking with. I am amazed at the beauty and grace that some exhibit, pouring out in an immeasurable and constant flow the compassion that comes from an unlimited source. They heard and learned of God’s truth and refuse to let the world’s definition of it divide it into meaningless portions.
Maybe it takes a mix of compassion. Even the bitterness of detachment can be motivating. Perhaps the experiences we have of being cast aside and tossed away by those who discriminate not between sin and sinner, teaches us great things not only about consequence and condemnation, but also builds our own commitment to convey compassion that is not contorted. I find myself feeling compassion for those who have abused it; those who banged people about the head with love in the name of holy correction. I pity them because they share this world and when they fall, they will want to sample a compassion that rises far above what they themselves have shared.
But who do I really feel sorry for? I feel sorry for those who have suffered and cried and were not told that Christ had suffered and died so they could be freed from that. I feel sorry for those who have been drowned in the gushing carelessness of a compassion that tells them that they don’t have to change, they don’t have to address sin so they can swim in the cleansing lake of grace and emerge on the banks of freedom to walk free of the weight of who they were.
The harshness of “hate the sin, love the sinner,” has, in the compassionate minds of the misguided, dissolved into a hollow “I love you just the way you are.” No . . . you don’t. If you really love them the way they are, you’ll help them be what God intended them to be. I am so saddened for the young men and women whose parents, in selfishness, embrace their giving in to temptation so they can still have Sunday lunch and smile and pass the peas. Careless compassion causes us to place happiness above healing . . . and we have not because we ask not. The carelessly compassionate Christian prays for a perverted peace and discovers turmoil; proclaims acceptance and smothers a deeper and honest desire for change in the ones we love. This is not happiness; this is not healing; this is not helping.
Does it sound like I am not compassionate? Should we pick up a drunk on the sidewalk and help him back into the bar so he won’t think we are judging him? Should we pause to tell a prostitute she might look prettier in a brighter shade of pink? Should we stock a few essentials in the cabinet for the visiting addict to cook his meth? Should we give a list of topics for the local church gossip to make her job easier? Look the other way when cheaters get a little careless so they won’t get uncomfortable when revealed? We may as well paint a bull’s-eye on our shoulder to make it easier for the wasp to zero in.
Careless compassion can be as dangerous as not caring at all. I never wanted anyone to tell me that my sexual brokenness was just a cause for celebration. Unfaithfulness is unfaithfulness. Sin is sin. Lust is lust. Betrayal is betrayal. Deception is lying. Knowing God’s Word and doing one’s own will is willfully defying.
Wandering is wandering. If we’re lost in a desert and we have a choice between a determined guide who knows his way out or a jovial, smiling and funny “it’ll be okay, we’ll find our way” sympathetic soul to walk with us until we drop in thirst upon the barren sand . . . who should we choose? I don’t know about you, but I wanted out.
Some have not gone with me. Some may never believe I found an oasis and drank. Some are still back there at the edge of the desert telling the slowly-dehydrating that they’ll be fine. “Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.” Others are standing at the same edge and saying “you deserve it. The buzzards will be here soon.”
Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. — Matthew 9:35-36
Don’t mislead me; don’t leave me.
Compassion is a gift from God that we can corrupt like everything else He gives us. Oh . . . but when it is presented in its perfect form, what healing takes place, what joy abounds, what grace flows and what beauty springs forth from the dry desert, shocking those who view it, like a brilliant and seemingly fragile butterfly that pauses on a morning glory. Imagine, that little fluttering thing that looks like tissue paper in flight can cross the continent and return again. It looks weak, but it is strong because it has learned to manage the currents and soar.
I have looked into the eyes of Christian parents seeking direction on how to love their children who are falling prey to the lies Satan is spinning at an ever-more-furious pace and which the world is reproducing and portraying in an ever-more-attractive display. How do we love those who are drowning in proud deception? How do we keep them close and yet speak a truth that often makes them want to expand the distance?
With compassion.
To love them less with this sin is a betrayal. We all sin in one form or another from the day we enter this world. Self-centeredness can take some nasty forms, but it is still that: seeking the satisfaction of the self. Our response is to be compassionate and giving of self.
In retrospect, reviewing the years of dog-paddling in my pool of sin, I realize I would only reach out to take the hand of ones who could see me as I am — created like them in the image of God — and accept me there with the compassion not of “love the sinner, hate the sin,” but of “I love who you are as a child of God.” These are the ones who went beyond tossing a vinyl ring with verses printed on it so I could ponder as I tooled around in the pool. They had no fear of the water. These are the ones who helped me out and showed me a stroke that does more than just keep your head above water, but actually moves you toward the side. They put more value on me than they did my sin. By showing me the value of me, they helped diminish the value of the sin onto which I held in my distress and it became less and less of a lifesaver as it became less and less of my life.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. — Lamentations 3:21-22
True compassion is not compromised. Compassion, God’s truth, love and hope are intertwined like a strong and trusty rope. Remove one and we are in danger of descending back into the mire. Of being re-consumed.
Practice “true” compassion. It’s a life-saving skill.
(Want to share the truth about sexual brokenness, but do it with the compassion of Christ? You might be interested in ordering a copy of Surviving Sexual Brokenness: What Grace Can Do, by Thom Hunter.)
Thom, I’ve known a few homosexuals that were a success and that they stood in a crowd with their head up dealing with the business at hand not talking about “gracefull , fluttering , butterflies helped them be accepted. Have you considered tackling ” Hate Crimes ” and how successful those new laws have or have not been. I’d be much more interested in that, personally as would most of the people I know – one ( 1 ) – than reading about butterflys. But maybe there is an audience that will sustain those thoughts. Peace – Jack
Jack,
If you really think this is just a post about butterflies, it makes me wonder if you read the whole thing or just got distracted by the butterflies yourself. 🙂
The main point that I picked up in the post was the need to show true compassion that directs the person to the truth and to healing and away from sin rather than cheap sentimentality that tells the sinner it is OK to wallow in sin or even to celebrate it.
Jeff, I would indeed be stupid if I thought this was entirely about butterflies. I’m got tired not of people crying but about their refusal to make a reasonable effort to do something to solve the problems; and that doesn’t go to just Thom. We all have problems and for some they are huge . I , like many have a huge extended family and there is a little bit of everything in there from gay to bi-polar and they don’t have anybody telling them not to take their medicine . You were polite in making your statement but you sold me a little short. You have to be willing to help yourself before anything else will work. Praying about it is evidence that a person is trying to help themselves – writing about butterflies I don’t know.
Jack
You’re Charlie Sheen writing under another name, aren’t you?
Jack,
I wasn’t trying to sell you short. I learned by experience to take much of what you say with a shaker of salt (a grain of salt just don’t cut it sometimes). I just wasn’t sure what category your harping on the butterfly bit should fall in. If there is one thing that I have found Thom to be consistent about, it is the fact that homosexuals and others in similar types of sin should be struggling to live by God’s standards and not asking to just “be accepted” or something of the like. I thought that was apparent in the above post as well.
Jack,
Butterflies aside, I hope you were able to take more away from the post than a little bit of mother nature. As you said, “we all have problems.” Perhaps it is true in your family that the big advice is to just “take your medicine.” Sometimes that is exactly what someone needs to hear, and I’ve certainly swallowed plenty. However, there are a lot of people who approach the errant one with a “there’s nothing wrong with you honey” and “I just want you to be happy” approach . . . which is wrong and harmful. Just because it is not your experience doesn’t mean it does not occur and should not be warned against.
Compassion is good, just not always skillfully applied.
No matter how I try to digest it, your response was just plain odd. Take your medicine?
Also , I have read everything Thom has put on this blog and have made some nice, sweet comments. Sometimes I’m not a nice , sweet , butterfly kind of guy and I’m stuck with it.
Jack, thanks for reading everything I’ve written. However, I disagree that you are stuck with whatever you happen to be at any given time. “That’s just the way I am,” is usually a clue that you are aware that there are some things that perhaps need to be surrendered.
Joe, Don’t tell everything you know !
Jeff Musgrave, Everything ( bad word ) I have said is the truth. Shake the salt where you may but you don’t know the truth when you hear it. That’s a politely as I can say that.
Here is some truth for you. I am well aware that you aren’t a “nice, sweet, butterfly kind of guy.” I am also aware that you don’t have to be “stuck with it” anymore than anyone else has to be stuck with anything. If you try to season your conversation with salt (Colossians 4:6), others won’t have to do it for you. If you are asking others to try and do better with their problems, it is the least you can do.
That is as politely as I can say that and I say it because I really do love you as a brother in Christ.
Jeff, Your the Pastor – I’m not. In my mind I’m a Christian. When I was almost 15 years old I went by myself to live in Germany with a trumpet and a few hundred dollars in my pocket. I had much of a life before this event and a larger one after and all of it was an experience to build on. But ( I try not to ever do this ) , I made something of myself with a lot of help from others. The message is plain and simple – Do something not just try and if it doesn’t work then Do something else and there is no salt in that. What else don’t you believe that I’ve seen work and been a part of.
Jack,
I don’t know what you are reading into my above comments, but you have completely the wrong idea it seems. I called you a brother in Christ so I am not sure why you seem to imply that I don’t view you as a Christian and your last statement makes no sense whatsoever. What do you think you have said that I don’t believe so far?
If that is what you are getting from my comments, I am either typing in some foreign language without realizing it or you are reading it that way (or the other possibility is that Joe is right and you are really Charlie Sheen and that might explain it too) and if any of those are true it may just be best to quit while we are ahead (if we even are ahead as opposed to abehind or some euphemism for that about a donkey). 🙂
…the other possibility is that Joe is right and you are really Charlie Sheen…
All I’m going to say is “Winning!!!”
Jeff, “Taking with a grain of salt” means you don’t believe but only part of it. What part are you taking with a grain of salt. That’s an insult to me. What part motorcycles, airplanes, parachutes Harley school in Milwaukee. I don’t talk like you because I grew up different than you but among a lot of the same kinds of people. What do you think was in the waterfront in Bremerhaven – hookers , gays and whatever. Not the good people that show up here like Thom but the bummy kind that would have beaten me and taken my money – and I knew it because I knew of them in the States. Many ” religious people don’t know or want to believe there is a difference. I know that and I said as much when I said I know sucessful people who are gay and some that use to be etc. THOM – I think for whatever reason some people are stuck and some aren’t. Conversely some can change many things about themselves – being gay, being type 2 diabetic. But no change comes by talking about it. Thom , I would associate with you and overlook any differences until you wanted to talk about anything with butterflies. I’m just not interested in getting into that frame of mind. You say “surrendered” and I say change, but I have never had all year and still don’t to change anything – and by the way neither does the SBC and a bigger concern of mine , neither do the pastors that are having these problems have time to “dodge” , keep secret about their health, personal problems if they would just think things could be changed for the better. Jeff can pour the salt. I’m stopping here but I have a son and a new wife that got trashed by some bumy Baptist church where people said ” They were not going to gbo to church with them ” They didn’t vote him out- they couldn’t but he refused to work for them. He was married by a black & a white Baptist Pastor. He is working his way back from nothing with nothing but friends, black friends, church friends, not friends and he has his head screwed on good and is trying as hard as I tried in my early years and I’m not helping him at all – his Mother is. Just as sure as I’m here typing these pastors need help before help goes somewhere else and the people at SBC know it. Later ( forget typos)
I have a feeling we’re not too far off in our understanding of how these issues should be treated. Compassion can mean that a person has to take a very hard road and experience all the knocks that come with accepting the truth. It’s painful and difficult and need not be traveled alone. Being compassionate doesn’t mean we have to compromise an ounce of our biblical understanding. It means we have to be consistent.
Jack . . . if we do ever meet, I’ll make sure the conversation stays focused on the wasp.
Thom, If you mean White Anglo Saxon Protestant I’d rather if we meet leave them out of good conversation anyway. I got miffed but to be clear I believe the Bible when it labels living as a homosexual as blasphemy but it is not for me to condemn any although there are many I wouldn’t associate with. Different subject altogether but I know there are hookers who send there children to private schools and are stuck in a rut. It doesn’t do me or them any good to play “holier than thou”. I don’t see myself as better or worse than anybody else including pastors maybe at times a little more fortunate. Thanks for the offer.
Thom, I am a Wasp in the technical sense but it has a bad connotation which I don’t identify with. I think we understand each other. I’ve seen some struggles in this regard that didn’t go well at first and I don’t mean first 6 months or 6 years but they finished up good.
I’m not Thom, but I think his “wasp” reference was meant to be in contrast to the “butterfly” you didn’t want to address. Insect, rather than acronym.
Jack,
Well at least now I can identify the disconnect. I didn’t mean the phrase as an accusation of dishonesty. I always used “take it with a grain of salt” as more of a statement about not taking things too literally or maybe it would be better to say too personally and wasn’t thinking at all about the other connotation. In that sense I was referring to the roughness of your statements. That is why I cited the verse from Colossians to try and help my salt reference to be understood better. I didn’t mean to imply that I feel you are dishonest, just “hard to digest” perhaps would be a better phrase. Please accept my apologies for any offense I caused through using the phrase without realizing how you were interpreting it.
Jeff, no apology is necessary we just didn’t or I didn’t understand. If I were to say “Gear up” or “Gear down” or hold my thumb up or down in that element there would be no misunderstanding. If birds shut down both engines of a two engine airplane, while you and your partner are trying to get them restarted you better be looking for a place to go. There is no time to discuss the problem to any extent and take a vote on it. I get exasperated when people just look at a problem but won’t move on it. Our time, my time, is running out. Jeff , I also respect your training and position as you would anyone else in their official position but always reserve the right to ask questions if appropriate. This has been a fun exchange as I don’t talk about this stuff.
Let me see:
“count it all joy when we suffer”
“God disciplines those He loves”
Contrast this with the fact that the Satanic gospel is self-serving pleasure and observe that many people confuse being pleasant with being compassionate.
Biblical compassion is pleasurable when our pleasure is the glory of God even at the cost of our comfort. How comfortable was it for the Levites to kill their brothers, neighbors and sons after the account of the golden calf? Yet, Moses said that this was the consecration of their priesthood. That was not pleasant or comfortable. Yet the priesthood was the means of God’s compassion on the Israelites at the time. When God sent a plague on them, Moses quickly instructed Aaron to intercede as the high priest and God’s wrath was averted.
This world is not comfortable, it is in dire straights, and it is not comfortable to be compassionate. Although a temporary measure of comfort can be given, feeding the hungry or healing an illness, ultimately the death of people to their sins so that they might have eternal life is our most compassionate goal and message.
David, you’re right. Thanks. I used the word “wasp” because the opening of the blog post talks about — forgive me, Jack — a butterfly and a red wasp, both of which are very prevalent here in Oklahoma. Still, all insects aside, the post is about people and how we often do further damage if we practice compassion without truth in a misguided effort to just make people feel better about themselves instead of actually bettering themselves.