I have had surgery lately, fixed a gastro-esophageal issue I have. Since the surgery, I have been immobile. Most of my time in bed, in some pain and on medications. I have been healing ok. Your prayers will be appreciated.
During my down time, I have been struggling with my lack of ability to do “stuff”. I want to work, I want to get up and get things done. I am having a hard time with that, I feel like there are expectations of me, people who want me to work hard. I am not working hard, I am laying down, struggling with myself. The pain meds have diminished my capacity and therefore my working from home is less. My blogging is even less, I have been reading some, but I am not “doing”. I hate not ‘doing’ because I so often fall into the trap of worth=results. If I am a good person, then I will do good things, work hard, be meaningful and show results. At the moment, I am not producing. I lay down, in pain and medicated and think about all the stuff I should be doing.
During these times, God reminds me to be still and know He is God. The stuff I do, it’s to help me grow closer to Christ, the world doesn’t need me. The world doesn’t need me to be great, God doesn’t need me to produce, He wants me to grow closer to Him and love Him and encourage others to do the same. It’s a radical shift of my mindset, the American ideal of work hard. I need to have the outlook of loving God first. Working hard is not the goal, being in love with God is the ideal.