For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.
— I Timothy 4:3-4
SPOILER ALERT:
Pro-gay theology is untrue.
I remember a time, way back in the ’70s, when I had an ah-hah moment and it seemed obvious to me that the people around me — especially my fellow Christians — had somehow avoided the truth about homosexuality. Out of their in-bred squeamishness and hammered-in desire to look right and be right in the eyes of others, they were failing to see the obvious, the truth that was longingly clear to me. . . because of me. That truth? That God had made us all unique and that for me and many others, that uniqueness meant we were designed, even in His image, to be gay. In other words, if I feel this way, I am this way and if I am this way, I will be this way. It was a brief moment of unreal reality. In time, at a time that often seems too late to turn around, the ah-hah turns into oh-no, which can turn into oh-well as we sink into a realization of resignation.
In the simpler ’70s — the tell-it-like-it-is days — there was little support for a that position. Christians, coarsely and clumsily perhaps, were clear on the issue. So was God,, through His Word. The evidence was overwhelming and the acceptance of homosexuality was pretty much limited to the non-Christian crowd. Gay and affirming were two words not worthy of a hyphen. As time passed, emboldened ones learned to disguise deep deceits as simple truths.
So lets build a life on feelings. Whoa . . . whoa . . . whoa . . . feelings.
Feelings over truth.
Desires over doctrine.
Collective deceit over self-denial.
Besides, don’t you know, don’ts are so depressing. The search is on for the birds of a feather, as there’s a flock for everything these days.
Years earlier, as a little boy, I took a stroll through a Halloween carnival. I remember a booth where we had to put on blindfolds and reach into buckets and pick up objects and identify them through feeling them. In the environment of the darkening night and the musings of a searching mind, innocent everyday objects became everything from animal guts to eyeballs to elements of torture. That’s what they felt like. Guesses, right or wrong, were rewarded with candy.
A life built on feelings leads to a slow strangling, trying to swallow intangibles in efforts to convince ourselves that we are on some divine path . . . or, failing that, convince ourselves that there is no divinity. If that be the case, then indeed, why not let feelings rule? We can become rulers over our personally-designed kingdoms, dropping the drawbridge and throwing open the doors to words that match our mind’s eye on the things that matter to us . . . and bolting the doors tight to keep out thoughts and ideas — and truths — that might hurt . . . our feelings.
I wish it were that innocent: just a little pouting over petty disagreements, rather than people determinedly self-drowning themselves in deep deceit while the keepers of the life-rafts check the equipment and position themselves on the deck to be ready if needed, not aware that misled souls are dropping overboard in silence. Why do we think we need to watch people wear themselves out dashing between the dance partners of the culture and the church until finally we hear some near-death scream of desperation and have to make a decision whether to cut the rope to which they cling or haul them in?
Granted, when I was first struggling with same-sex attraction — back in the days when such a thing was referred to with slurs and obscene labels — I never said a word. I dug in and I dug deeper. I soothed my guilt by seeking some kind of justification. I covered shame by projecting purity. I stood on a tightrope doing what was right because I loved God and doing what was wrong because I loved the world too. People pretty much took me at my carefully-crafted word and I moved on, breathing silent sighs of relief, stealthily maneuvering the double life until the inevitable crash and burn. Putting it in relevance to today’s society, it now seems like such a tedious spiral, not so much necessary today since we, as Christians, have stood by and watched as pretty much all of the “stigma” of truth has been stripped of any power to persuade people to at least explore the possibility that the path on which they are tiptoeing is not God-ordained.
In the constant celebration of self that inhabits this era of enlightenment, the love of truth has been dismantled by those who have re-labeled it as hate. It’s supposed to be that not showing love is the clanging of a cymbal, but somehow that has been reversed so that when we look into the eyes of a bewildered and searching man or woman and share the truth, the pro-gay theology bunch — who have been busy spinning scriptural wishful-thinking — come pouncing forth, pronouncing disagreement as homophobia and compassion as hate and everyone goes all deaf due to the roar of confusion. It’s no wonder — though the lack of resolve is depressing — that Christians just look for other problems to solve.
Already we were woefully weak in our efforts to help the uncertain ones who were still trying to find out what the Bible really says and means. The record was dismal even before the pro-gay “theologians” realized they could usurp the position and play with the Word of God just enough to suddenly themselves look like the compassionate ones, curling their pointing finger to lure the exhausted with promises of finding out finally that they can live as they were intended and shake off all the weight of centuries of Biblical ignorance. It’s an empty promise that allows one to live as he wants, restlessly ruling over a kingdom of his own design, sitting on a throne that depends on loyalty and faithfulness to self, always searching for a way to keep himself satisfied as both subject and emperor.
They’re not told of the sorrow that eventually unfolds in the life of any Christian who puts anything above God. Yes, we all do it, but in the self-defined kingdom there is no route to repentance. Restoration only comes through the pursuit of pleasure, which, as it turns out, is an endless search to eventual emptiness. Why do we stand helplessly by while the captives we say we want to set free sit nervously around tying greater knots about themselves in a circle of others who nod approval?
I think one of the scariest things about today’s pro-gay theology is not that it has all the clarity of a Midwestern corn maze and all the promise of a Mayan temple of sacrifice, but that few people seem to even care. Embracing gay theology for personal relief requires that believing Jesus rejected the teachings of His Father. Being as they are One, we might just as well embrace theological schizophrenia. Embracing gay theology requires we believe that our personal satisfaction is more valuable than God’s truth and that what He really said is for us to do whatever makes us happy. That should put a new twist on “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Embracing gay theology would basically mean that anything Jesus is not quoted as being against, He is for. That would open all kinds of doors, including pedophilia, wife-beating, incest and bestiality. After all, He was silent on those as well, not that every word Jesus ever said was written down. Young Christian men and women are being sucked into the mass of lies like they’ve tumbled into a pit full of vipers. At the same time, most pastors and church leaders rarely move beyond the promise to pray, sitting back down behind their desks in their offices with their books and their bigger issues.
What then should a Christian who struggles with homosexual temptation do?
Open your eyes. — Examine the scriptures for yourself. Read them in context of the entire expressed Word of God. Probably more scriptural cherry-picking has taken place regarding homosexuality by both sides than anything else.
Open your mind. — Pray for wisdom and then read about homosexuality in Leviticus, Romans, 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy. As hard as it is for those who are attracted to and even love someone of the same sex, homosexuality is mentioned only in the context of immoral behavior.
Open your heart. — God dwells in the hearts of men who give their hearts to Him. He’s listening; watching and responding. You think He can’t change you if that is the desire of your heart and if you turn your temptation over to Him each time it works to enslave you? Let 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 work in your heart.
Open your door. — Yes, it’s scary to even consider letting people in to know what is troubling you. Find someone you can trust; someone who does not struggle but truly loves both you and the Lord. Pray that God will reveal someone who can walk with you and not run from you; who can love you and not condemn you; who can forgive you if you fail.
What then should a Christian who does not struggle with homosexual temptation do?
Open your eyes. — We have become so accustomed to diverting our eyes for self-protection that we’ve not noticed that some of the people who used to walk beside us have been picked off one-by-one. By the time we wake up, they’ve embraced the empty promises of completeness presented to them as welcome answers to the questions we ignored.
Open your mind. — I don’t mean “have an open mind.” I mean learn something. Learn the scriptures. Learn how to apply them accurately. Learn how to support them. Learn how to share them. Learn how to listen to the refutations and reply with the truthful compassion of a Savior who pointed out sin and then helped the sinner stand and walk free.
Open your heart. — Is your neighbor’s son really of no value to you? Is your friend’s daughter of no consequence? Is your brother just a passing thought? Should the struggler be a distant memory? Is the sinner for whom repentance is a repeat performance someone we should just brush off? Is the gay man or woman who was once in your circle now to be conveniently redrawn outside the border?
Open your door — We know the King and we are the kingdom, but we have made it so foreboding that it has become forbidding and those who need it the most are rebuilding it elsewhere, fashioning walls without a true cornerstone. Who can blame Christian men and women, exhausted from the balancing act and the ups-and-downs of the temptations inherent in sexual brokenness for seeking a more welcoming kingdom rather than persistently throwing themselves into our moat? What if we really loved people as much as we say we do? That would be a love that could never be matched by the consumptive love of the other kingdom.
Ears are itching and hearts are twitching. Tears are falling and we’re afraid to wipe them away as if the proximity might make us unclean. Soon the crying become the smiling, finally free to be who they were born to be? And we turn away to more fish in the sea.
Pro-gay theology is the myth that keeps on growing, casting a lengthy shadow, yearning to squelch the light of truth.
If you really want to know how to move beyond your feelings and share the truth, let me know.
God Bless,
Thom
authorthomhunter@yahoo.com
(Want to know more? Order Thom’s book: Surviving Sexual Brokenness: What Grace Can Do at Amazon.com.)
It is true that homosexuality has increased in recent years. But it cycles like everything else. We know it was an issue during the Victorian Era, too, since medical treatises started assessing sexuality in a somewhat psychiatric form. But I noticed people often single this sin out. People like to start a bandwagon, and when they do that, I’m not interested in jumping on board. I’m not interested in putting people down to feel holier. Of playing the Pharisee. They can play that game on their own.
“In-bred”?
Little low, don’tcha think?
Hmmm . . . we’re probably looking at that word in different ways, but I do think that people pass down viewpoints and judgments, particularly in relation to sexual issues. There are plenty of people within the church who cannot tell you why they think as they do on many issues. Often it is because that is what they were taught and it is not always correct. I’m just asking that people venture out a bit and study the issue for themselves so they can adopt their own opinions, based on scriptural truth and not inherited squeamishness. I don’t think it was a low blow.
Sal . . . I’m not putting anyone down at all. In fact, if I err, it’s usually on the side of compassion. I’m merely suggesting that Christians, and especially church leaders, be better prepared to address the issue. A great number of young Christians face uncertainty regarding homosexuality and do not find the church to be a safe or aware place to ask questions. I’m not interested in starting a bandwagon. I’m just suggesting we behave as responsible brothers and sisters to those who hurt and seek help. I really don’t think it very wise to just say this is a cycle and that everyone will get over it.
No, I’m not saying that; it’s not jsut a cycle we’ll all get over. I think it needs to be addressed in the same way and at the same frequency with whcih all other sins are addressed. Frankly, gays fascinate me and always have. I’ve found many them to be some of the most intelligent and loving people. We need to address sin. And we need to address it in a way that doesn’t single any one kind out. Frankly, though, I think people generally know what’s right and wrong at least on some level. Don’t you? So that’s probably not the probloem. Churches just need to decide how they’re going to deal with the membership and communion issue, as I see it. Because people truly know what’s normative in Christianity and what isn’t.
I agree with you when you say that the sin of homosexuality should be addressed in the same way as other sins. Most churches have failed to do that, elevating it to the highest level in their hierarchy of sins. I also agree with you that people who consider themselves to be gay are just as intelligent and loving as the rest of us sinners. When I was at the deepest point in my struggle with same-sex attraction, I did not feel like it made me less of a person because it did not. However, I was clearly missing the mark and off the path. We should welcome people who struggle with homosexual temptation, which is not a sin. If they act out, which is a sin, we should deal with it just as we do any other sin with the goal of repentance and restoration.
I think that the ministry of people like you who hold the line theologically and morally but call us to humanize those with same-sex temptations is making a difference, Thom.
Thom, in your opinion is there a difference between attraction and lust?
Lydia, I believe there is a difference. People go to great lengths to make themselves attractive to other people, but I don’t think the intent is always in the hope that people will lust after them. I know, for instance, that other men probably think my wife is attractive . . . but I don’t think they lust after her. I sure hope not. There are people I find attractive, but I don’t lust after them.
Lust is obviously a huge problem for men and women. Note the great numbers of adulterous affairs and the prevalence of television programming centered almost completely around what is perceived as the commonality of lust.
Do you think that same sex attraction is sin? I am not asking trick questions, I want to understand from your point of view. Many of the orthodox Christians I know are now saying they believe same sex attraction is not sin because God made them that way. But lusting after same sex is sin. Much as we would say about man/woman lust. I am wondering if we are seeing a slippery slope on the attraction vs. lust question with homosexuality. I don’t have answers, only questions. (sigh)
However, when I worked with the Love Won Out folks, they told me that same sex “attraction” was a huge problem for them. But, as they grew in Christ, that slowly went away over time. Some were even married by then with children. So, I am not sure what to think about it all.
Same-sex attraction in and of itself is not sin. However, it takes constant diligence to keep sin from developing out of it. The same is true for many people who are attracted to the opposite sex, of course. In my experience, attraction becomes lust as barriers break down and justifications emerge. One of those justifications is the “God made me this way” argument. We need to help people become grounded to the point where they can accept the fact that what we become in Him is far more important than our perception of what we once were. There is still no credible evidence of any genetic predisposition for homosexuality, but even if it were so, it doesn’t matter. The Bible is clear on the issue.
The Love Won Out folks are right. Attractions subside and become manageable, and, perhaps for some, disappear entirely. For some, it may be more difficult than for others. For instance, some people counter their homosexual attractions with a decision to be celibate. God is faithful.
I am thankful that I have been married 35 years and have four sons and a daughter. I wish I could say that all of those years of being married and raising a family made me immune to same-sex attraction, but I can’t. In my case, transformation came through transparency and an acceptance of God’s great love for me and an awareness of my value to Him.
Thanks Thom. I am seeing some pro gay theology creeping in with with the belief of attraction= God made me this way. This “God made me this way” makes it hard to help them.
However, I don’t want to pick on homosexuals. I guess it is one of those sins I cannot relate to and with so much out there about it now one finds themselves sounding mean if they think that the same God who raised Lazarus from the dead can help us overcome such sin. There has been sin in my life that took years subside… fighting it. Now, I am never bothered by it as in it does not even enter my mind. And I know two former alcoholics who can tee total while around spirits and not even think about it. But it took a long time. I pray this for homosexuals who want to be saved and delievered from it…here and now.
The Love Won Out folks told me that it took not only believers loving them through it, but also accountability. (In the cases I know, it was ONE believer who stuck with them.)
Thom,
Thanks for sharing this. God bless you, Brother. Stay strong in the Lord. We need your voice.
David
I totally agree. We need your voice…… big time.
This has been a deliberately heavy post. Consequently, we’ve been reminded that our lives are momentous even while our problems are legion and sometimes seemingly pathetic. And that’s perfectly fine, since to be Christian is to know this world and we will very soon be transformed.
Yes, Sal, we will be transformed. Still, while we are here, we should seek to live lives that honor God and we certainly should love our neighbors. Sometimes that means just being willing to share the truth in a compassionate way.
Thom, I’ve known enough Christians (or people who think they are) to know that results cannot be expected. If they manifest, that’s wonderful!
Really results cannot be expected? You don’t believe that Christainity truly changes people? I’ve known a lot of people absolutely radically changed by the Gospel of Christ. We’re not just new creatures on an eternal level, but now.
I think results can surely be expected. I am thankful that my life has greatly changed as Christ continues to work His will in me and as I confess and repent and follow. If we work in Christian ministry, but expect to see no results, we offer little hope to anyone. I think perhaps, Sal, you have not known enough Christians yet.
The church is the last, best hope for the world. New life is promised. But I’ve known many Christians for whom this is an excruciatingly slow process. Everyone’s different.
Here we definitely agree. It can be an excruciatingly slow process, requiring great faith. I would rather be on the journey though than sitting hopelessly. Christians who struggle with same-sex attraction or any addictive sin and seek freedom need support from fellow Christians who don’t struggle with these particular sins. This allows for safe mentoring, accountability, the right kind of acceptance, and an avenue for confession and repentance. When we cut struggling Christians out of our fellowship, we seal off these avenues . . . and greatly increase the chances for the excruciatingly slow process you describe.
If you rely on anyone else but God, you will hate everyone and God, too. If you rely on God alone, you will love everyone. You will embrace the world. You will know the truth that sets you free, and you will come to see that all is well because all ends well. I think that’s what the mystics have always expressed.
Sal . . . this appears a little jumbled to me. We are instructed to love everyone, but we cannot “embrace the world” and rely on God at the same time. Also . . . all may end well for those who know the Lord, but all is definitely not well and will not end well for some. Ditch the mystics and rely on God’s Word.
Thom, I’m not relying completely upon the mystics. Merely recognizing that strand and it’s origin in the N. T and O.T., too. It was part of the early church experience even before people contrived ways to structure it and to sometimes induce it. When I think of comments by Paul, for example, where he experienced God firsthand, that was often harrowing. But at other times it was exhilirating. Those around him withdrew as had happened with Christ. But he came to experience life as Christ imparted it. One is sent forth because they now live in the power of the Risen Savior. You say that one cannopt embrace the world while relying on God. I say, if you don’t rely on God, you will be unalbe to embrace others.
The Wisdom literature of the O.T. testifies to the apparent absurdity of life….that people abandon us, that the righteous are not immune to tragedy, that God is often inscrutible, and that life is a dilemma, a burden, a struggle to the end. This was not Solomon having a bad day. It is all frankly true. So what is my reliance? The Spirit’s attestation that I belong to God. I know the truth whereby I am set free.
When you bring it down to individuals — the others — I agree. It’s probably just a terminology issue here: embracing the world, as opposed to ministering directly to people hand-to-hand and heart-to-heart. I understand better now what you meant. You are right also that people contrived experiences, probably to the point of numbing the potential for real ones.
Of course it’s all very concrete. Mere abstract notions will not suffice. We must help others however we can. But God alone must be our starting point.