I get annoyed sometimes watching sports – and not just because my teams usually lose. I get annoyed with fans and with announcers and even with participants. I think I have discovered a solution: the PDC.
A Paintball Discipline Crew will attend all American sporting events, armed with paintball guns, to deliver discipline when needed. This is a badly overdue thing. Here are some circumstances when such a crew could be helpful.
1) Every time someone at a golf tournament yells, “Get in the hole” immediately after a shot, the PDC will descend on him and pepper him with 50 to 100 tiny balls of paint. That should cut down on that.
2) Female tennis players who grunt loudly every time they hit a ball should be disciplined by barrages of paintball for every grunt. Women’s tennis would quiet down and become eminently more enjoyable.
3) Announcers who say stupid things like, “they came to play today” or “he just wanted it more” should suddenly find themselves ducking waves of incoming paintballs.
4) Umpires who blow calls in the 9th inning to cost the Yankees a game should be – no, forget it, the punishment for that should be more severe than paintball!
5) All SEC fans should probably receive a paintball or two. That is bitterness, I know, but it would sure lift my spirits.
Can you think of other situations in sports in which a PDC could be helpful. If I didn’t have to head to church for evening service, I could come up with several more.
Am I just grumpy? Nah, it couldn’t be that.
