Author’s note: It’s a joke, folks. Just being silly.
13. Heresy: There’s an App for That
12. Biblical Proof that Potato Salad, Fried Chicken, and Moon Pies are Unclean Foods
11. IMB Announces End to Lottie Moon Offering: “We’ve got enough money for now…Thanks!”
10. Baptist Men Sue for Right to Join WMU
9. Preachers Win Court Case: Can Now Wiretap Your Phone, then Preach Sermons Aimed Directly at You
8. Lottie Moon was a Calvinist
7. Youth Directors Resign En Masse; Stunned Parents Now Required to be Involved with Their Youth
6. Ergun Caner, Richard Land to Jointly Pen Ethics Book
5. New IMB Rules: Applicants Must Run Mile in 5:30, Fit Through Eye of Needle
4. IMB, NAMB Missionaries Found to be Holier than You
3. Westboro Baptist Church Admitted to Convention
2. Korean Missionaries Celebrate Arrival in Spiritually Dark Land: The American South
1. Lost Pauline Epistle Includes Recipe for Mulled Wine
14. New Calvinists declare that they will stop trying to convert everyone to Calvinism, and seek to have real peace and unity in SBC.
15. Young, aggressive Calvinists being taught manners and politeness and being respectful of others at SBC Seminaries.
16. Joel Osteen invited to teach Church planters at NAMB on the skills of “getting a crowd.”
17. SBC decides to not make numbers a measure of success.
Re: Item #8: The truth is Lottie Moon was a Calvinist. She was won to Christ and baptized by a Calvinist (John A. Broadus), and she got her seminary training under the same.
Jeremy,
That’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are.
13a. Math no longer taught in seminaries!
🙂
Wait, is math actually being taught in seminaries?
yep . . .
one fish, two fish
five loaves of bread
He spoke the Word
five thousand fed
(sorry for poem . . . all I could muster on just one cuppa coffee )
18. nominated for SBC president.
I could name several people who would get a reaction. Needless to say it might not be that appropriate to name such names. But we all know who they are and would be.
So apparently did not post. Kind of ruins the joke.
Stupid automatic formatting. Should be >fill in blank<.
Svmuschany,
Sorry the computer is saving you time again. At least you inspired me.
Here’s a headline: This Years SBC President nominated modestly from the floor of the Convention.
Or These:
SBC Employees lobby for right to take a public Christian stand at the risk of their jobs.
Blog Grumbling and Complaining hits an all-time low.
Seminary professors stand united for Biblical faithfulness and successfully resist theological slide.
And the most unbelievable of all; though deserving only a footnote:
When asked for an opinion; Jerry Corbaley didn’t have one.
Here is one:
Bloggers leave Caner and Land in peace, allowing Land to retire in dignity for multiple years of faithful service to Southern Baptists. Bloggers consider their ethical issues before throwing stones.
I know I know – it will never happen 🙁
Grace and Peace,
Rob
I think your list is pretty funny with the exception of Ergun Caner, Richard Land.
1.None of your other examples included living persons.
2.It just seems to lack Grace ..the inclusion of these men!
Agreeing with Rob Ayers
Ditto Rob squared.
I (uncharacteristically) restrained myself from saying something along these lines on the publication date of this post.
Tell me that is not so!!
Rob
Unclear antecedent. Poor writing on my part. Sorry.
The critique that you made of this post—I thought about making the same critique. But I decided to walk on by. Thanks to you guys for saying on my behalf what I was thinking.
No, Rob. You ought always be concerned if Bart agrees with you!
Sorry, Bart.
To Bart, Rob, and Jerry:
Land and Caner are (were) public figures who made public mistakes. I think a little gentle ribbing isn’t too far out of bounds.
Even so -point taken. I could have thought through that one a little better.
I appreciate it.
I don’t mind Bart being on my side – only when he is not then he becomes a problem 🙁
Rob
You’re absolutely right, Dave. I agree with you 100%.
Oh, no.
too funny good sense of humor
To Bart, Rob, and Jerry:
Land and Caner are (were) public figures who made public mistakes. I think a little gentle ribbing isn’t too far out of bounds.
Even so -point taken. I could have thought through that one a little better.
I appreciate i
Rob, Bart, and Jerry:
I don’t quite agree with leaving Caner and Land out of it. They are public figures and made their mistakes in public. I think a little gentle ribbing isn’t too far offsides.
Even so – I think you have an excellent point, one that I’ll consider in the future. Thanks for calling me on that one.
and somehow, I triple posted.
And so we returned the favor! 🙂
Rob
This statement is a non-sequitur, yes?
Rob
#1 should have been: James White Installed as Rresident of SWBTS!
🙂