8:23 am
Hey Andrew.
8:31 am
Who this?
8:39 am
Your mother.
8:42
Mom! You have a cell phone now?
8:47 am
I’m using your sister’s phone.
Beth’s phone.
8:51 am
Oh, hey.
Don’t have Beth’s number in my phone, so didn’t recognize it.
How are you? Everything cool?
8:58 am
No, not really. Your father fell again last night.
Few fractured ribs, busted wrist, wounded pride.
9:05 am
Wow! He ok? Doing alright?
What happened?
9:12 am
He will survive, but in lots of pain.
Will be in hospital till 27th.
9:20 am
Man, that’s awful. Thnx so much for
letting me know.
9:25 am
Your father and I want to know when you are flying home.
10:03 am
…..?
_________________________
From: travelr_andy@stickmail.com
Recipient: j_hikerman47@spitmail.com
Date: March 22, 2013 – 9:03 pm
Dear Jimmy:
What’s up, man? Still trying to break par on the local golf course? I keep telling you – golf is for wusses. Get some snowshoes, and be a real man. HA!
We doing ok. Suze and the kids are fine. Our oldest fractured her wrist running down the stairs- just tripped or something. The docs were great, though, and patched her up quickly. ER visit – about $43!
We’re still here in that country i can’t name doing that work i can’t talk about, telling people a great message about Someone great that i can’t mention here. It is reeeallly slow going and terribly frustrating. Sort of like trying to ride a kid’s bike with training wheels up an isolated, muddy, rock-filled trail in the rain at night: sure, we’re making progress, but we fail a lot and fall, we’re dirty, cold, and wet….and there’s no one around to help or applaud.
I guess i don’t really mean applaud. We’re not doing this for slaps on the back or cheers. You know what i mean, though. We don’t really have anyone around to say, “Keep it up…i’ve seen your labors and know you are doing exactly what your “Father” would want you to do.” Right now, we sort of isolated.
Wait, no…not isolated. We have coworkers and stay in touch with others who do similar work. So what do i mean….?
Umm…ok. i got it…I think.
It’s my dad. Got a text from my mom. Seems Dad fell again, about the third time in the last year. Busted ribs, fractured wrist. He’ll live, mainly because he’s a tough old buzzard who is too stubborn to quit. He’s still chugging along after 74 years. Mom is there to help out, so i know dad’s gonna be fine.
I just wonder what i’m doing here, though.
I mean, here’s my dad – on bad days he’s a raging atheist. On good days, he’s a sensitive agnostic, not quite sure about anything spiritual. And me…what do i do? I stop by the house and say “Hey Pops, thanks for everything. Me and the fam are heading over to parts of the world your brother fought against while in the Army- we love those folks more than we love you. Have fun with the dialysis, the glaucoma, the atheism, the bad balance, the house that’s falling apart around you. Try not to trust my sis, Beth – she’s been stealing from your bank account for years, and y’all gonna need the money back in order to pay those guys who are planning to cheat you on the new roof. i’d replace it for you, but, ya know….my hammer and i will be over there. Jesus loves you! See ya in 2015!”
Seriously? This is honoring my mother and father? And for what?
Nationals who don’t care about the Message. Fellow workers who listen to my frustrations and “encourage” me by telling me i’m not reading my Book enough or not pr*ying enough. Friends who tell me that my Dad is going to hell and that’s his choice, not mine. Neighbor kids who throw stuff at my blond-haired daughter to keep the devils inside her from attacking them…cuz apparently blondes are demon-possessed. Monthly reports filled with zeros where i’m supposed to count how many i’ve dunked and added to the Family in the last month.
Every month, emails from back in the US are the same – Dad confused, Dad hurt, Dad upset. Beth took money, Beth slapped Dad, Beth wrecked Mom’s car. Mom’s passive-aggressive comments about my “loving” my dad by leaving the country. Dad’s mournful emails about being abandoned.
If the work were going great, it would be easier to sort of set aside my Dad’s problems. i could point to all the good we are doing and say, “Dad, i’m here for these people who are coming to know Him. See?” But i can’t. No one is coming to know Him. No one. Even when Dad gets interested in what we’re doing, the moment i have to admit that we’re just slogging along he stops being quite so interested.
I’m pretty sure my work is suffering through all this. Always checking my phone, always wondering how the parents are doing. Last week I came home early from a study group simply because i couldn’t focus any more.
I tried telling my supervisor about it. His response, essentially: whoever puts their hand to the plow but looks back blah blah so i better stop this whining, and besides, our organization might have to take into account my spiritually immaturity. Great servant leadership in action. That sort of a response helps explain why his “attaboys” don’t accomplish much for me.
My unspoken question for him would be: Who’s to say that caring for my dad isn’t the “plow” i’m supposed to be managing?
My wife says whoever sacrifices family, home, money will get repaid by Him, but i’m not really worried about that. What i give up isn’t the issue; what’s my dad giving up in exchange for my committment? The attention of his grandkids, the help of his son, protection from the wolves – all for a cause he doesn’t believe in.
I dunno, man. I can’t envision returning to the US as anything other than disobedience to Him. At the same time, staying here and ignoring Dad’s needs feels pretty disobedient as well. Pr*y for us, dude. I need something – someone to announce a willingness to be dunked, someone to show up thirsty for His message, some acknowledgement that i’m doing a good thing. I need something that helps me grasp that this is all worthwhile.
Say “hey” to Ally and the gang. Hope you are all doing better than we are right now.
Andy
Reminds me of the struggles of William Carey. No converts. Son died. Wife went crazy. Trouble with the government. Then there’s the loneliness of Lottie Moon, so palpable in her letters home. The whatever-it-was of John Mark.
I don’t know whether this is a real letter from a real person. If it is, I certainly don’t know whether God has called that person to this mission field or not. But I do feel confident in saying this: Success in proclaiming the gospel is measured in terms of just that: proclaiming the gospel. If nobody gets dunked, nobody accepts, nobody even shows interest, the missionary (or Christian, for that matter) succeeds who has shared the gospel.
And how is success measured in honoring our parents?
A good question, and one I’m not prepared to answer. There’s enough data on both sides (the fifth commandment on the one hand, Jesus’ reply to the guy who wanted to wait to bury his father on the other hand) for me to be reluctant to land dogmatically on this one.
And therein lies the dilemma. Thanks for your honesty. I don’t know how to answer the question, either.
I know, though, that my plow is here for now, despite what my extended family is doing.
What qualifies “parents”?
Luke 8:21
But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.”
Really interesting, Jeremy.
” I need something that helps me grasp that this is all worthwhile. ”
that is a very human need in a profession that often doesn’t see direct immediate results . . . a need for encouragement and a sense of going in the right direction which is reinforced by immediate positive feedback
thing is, often in the ministry, seed-planting, watering, etc. won’t show the end result, and what comes to mind are these two quotes:
“Hope is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart;
it transcends the world that is immediately experienced,
and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizons
. . . It is not the conviction that something will turn out well,
but the certainty that something makes sense,
regardless of how it turns out.”
(Vaclav Havel)
“”It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is even beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction
of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
Nothing we do is complete,
which is a way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the Church’s mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted,
knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces effects far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything,
and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results,
but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders;
ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.”
Amen.
(O. Romero)
I suppose the ‘feedback’ that comes may be something that cannot be measured or counted in worldly terms . . . maybe a minister notices an increase in patience, in compassion, in selflessness, in hope . . . most of all, if Holy Spirit is ‘at work’ in the midst of his efforts, the minister will notice that his many trials and troubles will paradoxically yield an increase of joy and peace in his soul. Not a worldly feedback, but an affirmation none the less meaningful to those who live in Christ.
Is this a real letter? It’s so heart-breaking!
Essentially. I have not outed anyone here by posting someone’s personal email, but these are the basic concepts.
Jeremy,
I will answer the best I can with having personal experience in trying to address this issues as best I could and using some hindsight.
“Beth took money, Beth slapped Dad”
Andy has no choice but to get Adult Protective Social Services involved to do an investigation and Andy should forward the e-mails to the contact he establishes with Adult Protective Services that make him believe “Beth took money, Beth slapped Dad” Andy has no choice in this matter only a responsibility.
As far scripture goes God has given Andy all the resources Andy needs to be able to support his parents in accordance to scripture. I don’t know what Andy’s resources are along with extended families ability to help is. Andy needs to develop a support network no matter his location. The scripture I used heavily to find answers were as Bart pointed out was the 5th commandment along with 1 Timothy 5:8. There are some great commentaries available for these verses.
God provided the resources for me as he will for Andy as long as Andy is willing to use them. My prayers and thoughts will be with Andy, he is not in an easy situation but God never promised an easy life here on this earth anyway.
This is an all too common struggle for missys. We think that getting to, or being, on the mission field (ie fulfilling you calling) is the pinnacle of the believer’s life on earth. And if we leave that place of ministry, we somehow cease to have purpose. Who wants to leave the pinnacle, right? We feel we have let go of the plow and wandered away from the faith. How tragic this is indeed. However, having served for 8 years and having gone through the heartache of leaving the field, I can say without hesitation that we grossly over emphasize the calling to missions/ministry over out calling to Christ. Missions is not our plow folks. CHRIST IS THE PLOW! He is our plow to whom we hold fast. So why not go home and talk care of dad for a time and then return? Leaving the mission field does not break God’s law does it? Who is it that makes missys feel so guilty about such things? Aren’t we supposed to love out neighbor? Does that exclude family? What are we trying to prove? And to whom? Is there really something wrong with taking care of a sick parent? If that’s the case, then we are all doomed. I understand the verse in question and understand how we often times we use it against ourselves in order to justify staying when we should really go. My hope and prayer is that whoever wrote that letter understands that our ultimate calling, our plow, is Christ. He will lead the writer to the right decision, free from guilt or manipulation.
This is some really tough stuff. I imagine this is some of the most testing situations a person can endure…but affirming some of your questions would lead me to turn a blind eye to so much convicting scripture. Are we to ignore the plain Word in order to appease my feelings? Family can be an idol just a much as anything else.
Some folks are supposed to go and some folks are supposed to hold the rope. Maybe some vocational “goers” should really be vocational “rope holders” instead.
Adam, I’m sorry if you misunderstood my post. I’m not talking about “turning a blind eye” or “feelings”. My point is that our ultimate call is to Christ. Andy is not talking about leaving the field or abandoning his faith. He is wrestling with the idea of serving a man in need who just so happens to be his father-his lost father. What an awesome opportunity for a son to serve his father and, maybe, usher him into the Kingdom. We are not called to serve a country or people group, necessarily. We are called to serve GOD. Also, could you point out in “so much convicting scripture” in the “plain Word” where I can find that “rope holder” verse?
Very good thoughts from Alex here. Ultimately, the task of missions, as I understand it, is making disciples. One of the most important aspects of discipleship is our relationships with those closest to us, i.e. our family. Often, our most effective disciple-making is done by way of our example. Who knows but what the most effective thing Andy can do in the place he currently lives and serves is provide an example of love and sacrifice toward his parents to those he would hope to disciple? In the end, we must all do a lot of soul-searching and do our best to perceive God’s call in our lives for this particular time and this particular circumstance we are going through. But I do think the things Alex (and others) have said are worthy of consideration, and that caring for parents instead of remaining on the “mission field” is not necessarily the same as taking your hand off the plow.
“Christ is the plow…”
For me, this is the money quote for this entire thread. Thank you, Alex, for this insight.
Christ is the plow, not missions or the pastorate or anything else. As long as “Andy” is grasping at Christ, I think he will come out fine.
Christ is the plow.
I would simply advise using common sense. Dad is being abused, stolen from etc. Go home and help your dad.
In seminary they press quite often, “Know your calling.” They do this to prepare you for those times when nothing is going to feel good or look good in your ministry. People will grumble, converts won’t, and the family will fail. If you are not sure of your calling these things can weigh very heavy on you.
I went through a very difficult time immediately following seminary. Seminarians have this disease called, “Rose colored glasses Disorder.” They believe everything is just going to fall into place. It is then that they discover ministry is hard. It wasn’t until then I realized what an old pastor once told me, “If you can find anything else to do then do it.” If you can do anything else with your life DO NOT go into the ministry. It is hard.
It is only after years of disappointments that I have come to realize, do the work of a minister. It does not guarantee converts, it does not guarantee a happy family, and it does not guarantee that warm fuzzy feeling down inside. It is something you do day in and day out regardless of the circumstances. You deliver that sermon or teach that class whether you have one person there or twenty people there. You stand firm in the faith, consistence in your testimony, and always looking for ways to become everything God created you to be.
Jeremy, I work in missions as an M pastor. Thank you for sharing this. In the military they tell me it takes 9 people at home to support one on the field. I think this applies to M work. I hope our SBC churches will see this? Support includes financial but it is not just financial. It is also family care back home, even when dad is an atheist. I know there are many good SBC chs that help their missionaries stay on the field both financially and family wise. But from working in mobilization I also know that the vast vast majority have no clue about missions or how to care for you and your family. I have no advice to you simply to applaud you. But I will say to the SBC churches in America, I plead with you not to make missions simply Lottie Moon or some short term trip. Please do not make missions some silo in your church or just another program that people can ignore. Being on a mission is the overarching task of the local church. We are the ones called to take the gospel where it does not exist. Please step up and hold the ropes so men like Jeremy can stand where they are, focused on planting the church where no church exist.
Go home, take care of your Dad. I know there are verses in the gospels that would cause one to doubt whether or not this is the right thing to do, but I wonder if some of those verses (Luke 9:57-62) were meant only for those following Jesus right then. Jesus didn’t have time to wait. Afterall, I don’t see anyone arguing that preachers and missionaries shouldn’t have a place to lay their heads. Beyone that his father is lost. This isn’t just about taking care of physical needs. This is about where he will spend eternity, and maybe his son is the one person he will listen to.
Sad situation…but it’s only scripture. Do what’s right in your own mind.
Dear pastors,
Respectfully, if you voluntarily leave your church to pastor another church, are you taking your hands off the plow? I don’t see any difference between that situation and this one, understanding that you are in a season of life that requires your presence elsewhere.
Amen.
Mike,
Am I voluntarily leaving my church because God is calling me elsewhere? I believe that God calls particular pastors to particular churches at particular times.
I’ve been here 14 years. I think I could sin by going when not called to do so. I think I could sin by staying when called to go elsewhere. Having grown up in a rural area, and having done a little bit of agricultural work, I’d observe that whose plow is whose to work is generally a matter settled by the guy who owns the farm and the plows and who employs the laborers.
Pastor Bart, I agree. That was my point. I may have read some comments (not yours) uncharitably, but a couple of them appeared to set a different standard for M’s…Once on the field, ALWAYS on the field.
We all would like a formula for deciding such things. We all would like upfront clear direction. But there usually isn’t. Each person’s situation is different. Their Walk with the Lord is unique.
We can get input from others, but it will be in our struggle with God to make the right choices for ourselves that we can become more intimately acquainted with the Holy Spirit within. I believe God wants us to struggle with him over such issues. Its often in the struggle that we grow.
All missionaries, much like your created one, Jeremy, that find themselves in such a dilemma as this need encouragement from their family, team, leaders, and supporters: not critique, guilt or personal opinions. They need to be assured that they will be loved and supported which ever way they sense God is leading them. Neither choice is wrong is itself.
Each of our journeys are unique to God’s plans for our lives. Most missionaries face these decisions alone, afraid of what others will say or how they will try to persuade them out of it. Most missionaries leave the field without ever telling their friends and co workers they are not coming back. (Sometimes this is because they don’t want the company to find out and loose their SSA time) . Many of us never get to say goodbye.
We are surely called to love each other sufficiently to feel free to share each others struggles, and to be able to trust one another enough to ask for them to pray with us about it without fearing we will be shamed or made feel guilty about it. Criticism and unrealistic expectations have often robbed us of this gift of unity that God wants for us. Let’s change that. Let’s become people that others trust. Lets let God change the critical nature that we have let shackle us for so long. The change has to begin in us!
Well said Deb…I would love to see that change come! May we do our part with the hope that others do their part.
Yep, good thoughts.
Wow….what profundity.
Alex, I was wrong. THIS comment is the top one of the comment stream.
Good thoughts among the comments so far. I don’t know if the calling of a missionary is supposed to be like the calling of a pastor, but I’ll assume it’s supposed to be similar.
I’ve heard pastors claim a variety of factors that comprise a calling. Three common ones are:
1) a strong desire to be a pastor,
2) confirmation from others, and
3) a set of gifts that lend themselves to effective pastoral ministry.
#1 seems really visceral and subjective to me. Could a strong desire be brought on by a diet rich in garlic and tomato sauce?
#2 counts me out for just about everything and it sounds like many of our pioneer missionaries also lacked this one.
What happens if you have plenty of #1 and nothing of #2?
#3 is one I’ve wondered about. Just having the gifts doesn’t mean one is called. I’ve always heard it said that God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called.
Nevertheless, I’ve heard explanations of #1 observe that someone has plenty of #3 and at least some of #2 and conclude that a calling is reasonable. So the conviction of calling is rational rather than visceral.
By way of contrast, the twelve apostles had zero #1, very little of #3, and nothing but Jesus’ for #2. I’m sure that everything I’ve written so far is somewhat less than helpful. But my big observation is this: if it were possible, I’d be on the mission field and stay there. I’m used to not being very fruitful and not having much support, although occasionally someone does say that I’m good at something. So I could plug away at full-time ministry without having anything to show for it. I envy the opportunity to serve that this poor missionary soul has.
Jeremy, I always appreciate your posts. I thank you for your transparency, your courage, and your willingness to be a voice for the wider missionary community. I find great value in what you do to get us past the sanitized, glorified picture that we are often given of missionaries, and to help us to better understand the struggles, the sacrifices, the trials, and the hard choices that are too often involved.
Always reading and praying for you. good job Alex, good job Debra and GOOD JOB Jeremy. Blessings and peace be with you.