I’ve had an interesting experience in retirement of joining an affinity group. A few months ago I decided to follow through on a long, though casual, interest: join a rock and gem club.
My wonderful wife, given to wry humor at times, responded to me when I announced I was joining, “I didn’t know the gym had rocking chairs. You will probably enjoy it.”
So, with that bit of encouragement I searched out and joined the nearest club. My experience reminded me of how many churches claim to desire to grow, to have new members, but seem like they are doing all within their power to discourage growth. Perhaps some of the following describes your church in regard to potential new members.
1. Make it hard for new folks to know where and when you meet.
Aha, the rock club has a website with interesting information about what they do. Just what I want to see. But, alas, the time and place of the meeting was unclear.
It seems like a simple thing to let folks know your location and worship times but I’ve shown up at churches early because they changed their worship time and didn’t make that plain. It is uncomfortable to show up thirty minutes early for a worship service while most of the membership is in a Sunday School class. The sound guy and music minister might just look at you like you were a zombie or something. The same for being thirty minutes late because the new pastor moved the service time up to 10:30 while the church sign still said 11:00. The whole congregation will watch as you try and find a seat.
2. Make it hard to contact the church for clarification or any other question.
I’m a total novice in rocks and gems. I’ve chunked a few rocks, had rocks tossed at me from time to time, and have overpaid for a few gems. I’d like to have an idea of what a meeting is like and what to expect. So, I was pleased to see the email of someone who was a “membership chair.” I fire off an email. It’s returned, bad address. Heck, I’ll email the president of the club. It’s returned, bad address. There were several other contact addresses so I emailed them all as a group and, thankfully, a couple of these were good addresses and I got some responses.
It’s a pretty intimidating thing for some folks to show up for church on a Sunday where they aren’t a member and who hasn’t been to any church in a while, perhaps ever. Why not make it easier by providing current information and making it easy for someone who has gone to the trouble to look your church up and ask a question about your worship?
3. Act like you don’t care if there are new people in the worship service.
I show up at the club meeting. Never been to one of these. Hmmm, some of these folks brought rocks. They are talking to each other before the meeting. Name tags. I slap mine on and a lady recognizes me as the guy who emailed her. “Welcome.”
Here’s an axiom about our churches that I’ve heard a couple of well-traveled state convention staffers repeat: “Every church thinks they are friendly but probably are not.” Right as rain on that one.
Pastors will now trot out all those horror stories people have told them about visiting churches. Stuff like, “I was told I was in someone’s seat.” “Not a soul uttered a syllable to me the whole time.” “It was a small church and they all stared at us as if to say, ‘Why are you here?'” “Only the pastor spoke to me.” There are more.
I only had a single choice of rock clubs in my area, although I could commune with rocks in my back yard if that satisfied the need. There are, however, plenty of other churches and, while we might complain about ‘church shoppers,’ the treatment some churches give guests deserve moving on to the next church on the list.
4. Don’t give new people any opportunity to express, publicly or privately, why they came to your church.
After the club meeting a guy, a real rock zealot, came up and starting explaining a few things about some of the rock displays. I had a chance to share some of my interests and he was able to respond in kind. New folks at the club are asked at some point what their interests are (some are into field trips, others in creating jewelry, most are collectors).
Seems to me that the traditional church invitation is a pretty poor way to elicit responses from attendees, especially new ones. The church I attend forgoes the traditional invitation for a commitment card with all the response options. Many churches do both. Most experienced and sensible pastors know how to have a conversation that is appropriate without being intimidating and that attempts to establish a relationship. Most laypeople do not but can be trained. I’ve only run across a couple of church guests who didn’t want some level of discourse with me as the pastor.
If the church is interested in building the audience for the worship team then no need to connect individually with them – they come, we count them; they give, we add it up; they go, ‘see you next Sunday, maybe.’ If the church is interested in making disciples, baptizing them, and teaching them then someone at some point has to connect personally and individually with new people.
5. Act as if joining by baptism or letter is no big deal.
Two months after I joined (filled out an info form and paid annual dues) my name was in the e-newsletter. Woo-hoo. It is probably unrealistic to expect any of the experts to make a personal contact with me – a phone call or email. I wasn’t particularly looking for that but such would have been good.
How many new members who join by statement or letter or are baptized are celebrated for a Sunday and then pretty much left to navigate church life on their own? Probably more than we think. This should be a scandal among us. We should despair that all of our churches do not have a formal plan of discipleship for folks who are saved.
6. Don’t make any effort at involving new people in the life of your church – hold the new member at arms length for a time.
I’ve been in the club for a few months but if I don’t wear a name tag at the meeting (it’s a small group, 15-20 people max) I don’t think anyone would know me by name, although they know I am the new guy, the total novice, and are friendly. No big deal but if this were a church it would be a big deal.
On occasion, my church has seen a prodigal return home or a person in the community with an unsavory reputation come to church, express repentance, and get saved. Guess what? I’ve seen church members hold such people at arms length, “Let’s wait and see if he means it, preacher.” This is a disgrace and an offense to Jesus. If some wish to act this way then perhaps the pastor could address it or at least make sure there were many who did not act this way.
7. Don’t whine about plateaued and declining membership if you convey to new people that they aren’t really wanted.
If you really want to do a good job of discouraging people from joining, visit around your area for a couple of months. You will get some good ideas.
_____________
Have a good Lord’s Day tomorrow.
Now that I’ve been to a few club meetings, I’m an expert…sort of like those people who visit your church and know enough to tell you what you are doing wrong.
Great post, William… I’ll add some things that I think your typical church does that actually says, “We don’t really want or value new people.”
Here are some things most churches do that I think really hinder them:
1) Have an average to below average website. (It’s the new front door)
2) Not have an intentional first step they can communicate to every new member (like a monthly get to know us class).
3) Not have intentional steps from that class to be fully engaged in the church: clearly walking people through 1) how to give 2) how to get into community 3) how to read their Bibles and pray 4) how to start serving 5) how to become a member
4) Preach for 45_ minutes with preachers who simply aren’t gifted enough to hold people for more than 30-35. (sure, your church people will put up with it, but you’re killing the unchurched. if it can’t be said in 35 minutes it is a YOU issue, not a THEM issue)
5) Have aesthetics that say, “we are really old and we are happy that way.”
6) Have music that says, “We do not care how much you hate our lack of skill, talent, care, and creativity- we are just being ‘faithful.'”
7) Not having free coffee for people or having really cheap, awful coffee that people hate drinking.
8) Not having a specific area where new people can be greeted, welcomed, and given a gift/steps on how to more deeply engage in the church.
9) Not having their nicest, most friendly people at the front door to create a warm, vibrant, welcoming environment.
10) Not striving for “excellence” in their worship services. New people don’t that “Aunt Judy” is doing the special music- they care that she sucks and is killing everyones ears. Same can be said for “Little Ned” helping with the music slides, but is doing it so late no one can sing, etc.
I would be curious to see some of these claims further explained and defended.
On #4 for example, why is 35 minutes the max? Why is this the standard, or how did you arrive at this number? What if visitors or unbelievers only want 15 minutes? So then do we need to switch to 15 minutes? Is it really an extra 10 minutes of the proclamation of the inspired Word of God that is killing lost people?
#10- Who gets to decide that Aunt Judy sucks? In all seriousness, how does God evaluate Aunt Judy? Based on the talent that she has or based on her heart? And who gets to decide if she is “killing everyone’s ears?” Do you? Do we vote on how many people like her and how many people thinks she sucks (to use your descriptor)?
As to #6, what would you tell the smaller church that doesn’t have a lot of musical talent in their membership? Should they just join with a church that has more talent? Are they not fit to be a church if they do not have musical talent? What should they do? Should they hire unbelievers to pretend that they are worshipping so that lost people will hear someone with talent? Where is your evidence that God evaluates a church based on their amount of musical talent?
Just some questions that I had.
Hey Charlie Ray.
Here is what I would say:
1) We simply need to have a practical lens. Being practical isn’t unspiritual. We all had boring professors in college- it was hard enough to have them 3 times at an hour a piece, it was a million times harder having them for 3 straight hours in once a week classes. If someone isn’t strong in his preaching the longer they go, typically, the less effective they actually are. Also, if a pastor can’t discipline himself in his prep and on stage to say things succinctly enough to reach his culture he either isn’t working hard enough or he is in the wrong role.
2) Her leadership get to decide if she continues to sing. They are the ones called to lead their congregation to both edify the saints and reach lost people. If God simply hasn’t gifted her to be a very good singer I think God is much more pleased when she has a good heart serving in a role that better suits her.
3) It’s all about expectations. The larger you grow the different expectations there are. The goal is to function like you are one step ahead of where you are. You don’t have to have A+ talent and production when you are 100 people, but if you lead like all you have is 100 people you will only ever have 100 people. If you push your team to improve, grow in excellence, and start functioning like a church of 200-300 they will start leading at a higher level- thus, being more effective.
God doesn’t evaluate churches based on talent, I never said nor implied that he did. God DOES evaluate us based on how well we steward his gifts and grace. If a leader keeps making the decision that is nice and good for the one person at the expense of the entire congregation (letting sucky Aunt Lucy sing every week) they are NOT being good stewards. They are also not loving Aunt Lucy well enough to actually let her serve God in line with her gifts and talents.
This list has some truth to it on many of it’s points. I agree with the over-arching idea of “try to welcome people and help them find the discipleship connections they need.”
Specifically, I think #3 may be the most important one: Do we know what we would do if a totally unchurched person finds Jesus and begins coming to our church? do we have a discipleship plan?
However, many of the others assume and “attactional” idea of church growth that sometimes works, and sometimes doesn’t, depending on context.
In my midwest city of 12,000 (County of 30,000)…I know of only ONE (1) church that has grown significantly and sustainably through an attractional model. I know the pastors there. they are great people with a heart to reach the community, and they succesfully display excellence in their programs and facilities and leadership. (this church is the largest in our area, at about 700-900, I believe).
Every OTHER church I know of in our area, when people talk about why they joined a certain church, the answers were either agreeing with theology, or the personal relationships and acceptance they felt there…NOT because of the free coffee or trendy deco. In fact, I have sometimes spoken negatively about aspects of our church building and decor, concerned that it was “old”…but after visiting other area churches, we are not really that bad…the area churches that are “doing well” (ie, running between 130-250).
For our own church, over the 9 years have been here, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that most (all but 1 or 2 families) of our new members over that time came from a prior personal relationship with a church member that led the new person to come.
Andrew,
My church is not an “attractional model” and we practice all of these things. You don’t have to have an attractional model to be practical.
“Every OTHER church I know of in our area, when people talk about why they joined a certain church, the answers were either agreeing with theology, or the personal relationships and acceptance they felt there…”
I love this. These are the same reasons why people say they love the church I get to be on staff at. These sentences are in no way at odds with anything I said. This is the false dichotomy too many pastors fall into.You can have good theology, be great at relationships, and be very warm and welcoming AND do everything I said above.
I think we agree that it’s not either/or.
I think many of the things you list are things churches should strive to improve on, but I think it’s a stretch to say “if a church doesn’t provide coffee in the foyer, they aren’t being welcoming.”
I would put coffee as an option, good to do, but not vital to the church’s mission. or for another example, A genuine, yet naturally introverted person willing to serve as a door greeter can be a good thing if the extroverts are serving elsewhere…etc.
I was not discussing a model so much as an idea that seemed to come across in you list that these are the reasons people would join a church.
I agree we should strive for increasing excellence. At our church over the years, as a Music pastor, I have sought to improve both our facilites and services, whether through different music, instruments, projectors, software, lighting, painting/remodels….etc. We seek to do those things…but i’m convinced that the relational aspect (especially in a small midwest city) far and away exceeds those things for why most people remain at a church.
Thanks for your input here…even those of us that may disagree with you a bit need to read/hear ideas that challenge our way of thinking!
-andy
Thanks for the mix of ideas. I’d pick a few and leave a few.
Babylon Bee: http://babylonbee.com/news/first-year-seminarian-ready-take-senior-pastor-necessary/
This is really helpful. My wife and I moved to the Dallas area earlier this year. That meant we visited several churches, seeking a new church home. I looked at several church websites; most were bad. They had not been updated in weeks or even months. They did not present the church well. Money invested in a good website is money well spent. Small churches can probably find a friendly volunteer to help them for free. Several churches we visited did not have greeters at the door. The greeters may be the most important workers in your church. Most folks decide within 15 minutes whether they will return or not. It is important to contact those who visit your worship service. A research study found that if a lay person will contact a visitor within 24 hours, 85% of those contacted visitors will return. At some of the churches we visited no one spoke to us. At other churches many members did. We joined a “friendly” church. I’m sure they are glad we did. My wife is a tither. 🙂
If you wear a sign around your neck that shouts, “I’m a TITHER!”, you will be treated better.
This is hysterical. Well done, William.
I’ve never seen this in a church but am now hopeful that prospective members will ask, “Do you allow tithers to join your church?”
I guess SOME churches allow mere “tithers”….at our church we only allow those who give 20%…. 🙂
Many churches here in N AL do not even have a PHONE # let alone a web page. I checked a Face Book page this past week – updated last in 2013. GONG!!
I think many churches don’t want new members. Now I should qualify that: Many churches don’t want new members who will change the church in any appreciable way. In other words, they don’t want new members. Their idea is that any new members should completely comport with the church culture that has been around for years. New members shouldn’t lead anything but be involved in helping the long-time members do things the way they have always been done.
If you don’t expect for the church to grow spiritually by virtue of the gifts that new members bring, you don’t want new members. You may want younger copies of older members, but you don’t want new members.
I have changed my belief about making our churches “Attractive” to non-Church members. First, let me agree that many churches seem to be nothing more than “Family Chapels” with the pastor being the “Family Chaplin”. I’m also aware those who visit churches and feel like outsiders by comments made by church members that place themselves as long time members and come across as the end-all and be-all of the Christian faith and of churches. And of course seem to be condescending to anyone who is not a part of their church. I get that (I served in SBC Churches for many years as a pastor. But, what I have changed my belief about is to build worship services around not “offending visitors”.
I believe the gospel IS offensive to those who have not believed. Also, that we must toss out the classic hymns that have been sung in Christian worship services throughout the Church age because it is not appealing to contemporary sensitivities. Even in many smaller churches there is a “Praise Team” or one person, perhaps a guitar playing who “lead” the church in worship. What I have seen is the congregation observes and not participate/worship themselves. Sure, non Believers can appreciate the music, or even the words, but are incapable of true worship of God. They can watch, and appreciate, but not worship — which is what the church gathers to do on each and every Lord’s Day.
Please don’t hear me say forget about visitors (we cannot just assume the are really Christ Followers) But by all means to not present a we-they atmosphere, or single out visitors, a sincere welcome to worship to one and all works fine. Be friendly – yes! Be winsome – yes! Be helpful – by all means! Be accommodating/Compromising for the sake of not making visitors uncomfortable? – NO!
This my view after 38 years of experiences in churches. If you agree, fine. If you disagree fine. This the way I believe churches ought to conduct Sacred worship.
Thanks for your comment Kellydunn.
I think most, if not all commenter here would agree with this:
“Be Compromising for the sake of not making visitors uncomfortable? – NO!”
but maybe disagree with this:
“Be accommodating for the sake of not making visitors uncomfortable? – NO!”
If I can teach about the trinity without using the words hypostatic union…I WILL!
A friend of mine visited a Baptist church in a small town in eastern Kentucky. He said no one greeted him and folks even looked at him with frowning suspicion. After the service someone asked him, “What are you doing here?” He replied, my grandmother was a member of this church, and I was in the area doing research on my family. The people gathered around and asked, “Who was your grandmother?” When he said her name, they greeted him warmly. Sadly, many churches do not welcome visitors, and they sure do not want new members who might ask questions or threaten the church’s power structure. The commenter above is right; many churches do not want a pastor/leader. They want a chaplain who will conduct services without calling for change.
I was traveling with my son on a Sunday some 30 years ago (maybe going to a funeral back home–I don’t remember now why we were traveling on a Sunday, which is usual to say the least, but anyway we were). When 11 AM approached, we pulled off onto an small town exit in South Carolina and drove until we saw First Baptist Church of Wherever. We parked and went in. It was a small town, and this church, though nice, would sit maybe 150 if they were really feeling close, and less than half that many were there. An usher gave us a bulletin without saying a word. We sat and noticed that while no one spoke to us, people kept looking at us and whispering. Finally one man came over and said, “Excuse me, but are y’all just passing through?” I said, “Yes, we are traveling and as it got close to church time, we started looking for a place to worship.” With that, the man said, OK,” turned, and walked away. It was the last thing anyone there said to us.
Of course, I hasten to add that at the Hampstead, North Carolina church I then served, the chairman of ushers went up to a visitor and asked them to move because they were sitting in someone’s pew. They no more came back that I ever did to that SC church. And the chairman of ushers at the church I served in Hickory NC before I moved to Maryland gave directions to the nearest Catholic church to an Hispanic couple who came.
Do churches really want to grow? Yeah, right.
John
I agree wholeheartedly with this post. The point is, don’t put all the responsibility on visitors and/or new members to “figure it out.” Don’t make them sink or swim. Here are more signs of a church that doesn’t want/need/expect you:
1. Questions are not welcomed, or are dead-ended.. (“Oh I wouldn’t know that.” “I have no idea” “Oh we don’t worry about that here” “Let’s see, Barney knows that and he’s not here today.” “I’m sure we did at one time” )
2. The Welcome Class or packet, if any, tells only the history of that church & Baptist beliefs/distinctives.
3. Signage and location indicators in the church are old, incorrect or missing.
4. The church offers little if any training for any serving position.
5. Acronyms & logo’s are unexplained. (“ARG’s meet at 6. Revolve meets at 7. Sign ups for W*W end today”).
6. There is no obvious Welcome Desk or Information desk.
7. No handouts or takeaways available telling more about the church or what it offers.
8. There’s no obvious way to leave your contact information.
9. Parking is obscure or confusing.
I agree with you on the list. Several of them are big church things. An average church probably will not have an obvious welcome desk or extensive signage or parking attendants but must work hard to be more personally welcoming.
I did the drop in church visit while traveling once, years ago, and got about what John Farris got…pretty much cured me from that particular practice.