At age 60, with something pretty close to a clean bill of health from my doctor, I have no intentions of dropping out of ministry any time soon. I don’t know if I have five years, or fifteen, or twenty-five left in active ministry. I am planning to keep preaching and serving until I am no longer able. But the fact is that having served churches for nearly 4 decades the majority of my ministry is behind me not in front of me.
Paul’s words in 2 Timothy 4 have always been both a goal and a taunt to me. “I have fought the good fight, I’ve finished the race, I’ve kept the faith.” He had struggled to continue on in the race of ministry and to keep faithful to Christ no matter what came against against him. I want to be able to say that when I reach my final gasp, when I see the end approaching. But I also see missed opportunities, failures, and bad choices that make me wonder if I will be able to say that.
I rest in the fact that ministry is an act of God’s grace and that he is faithful even when I fail. I believe God has used me but I also look back with longing and wish I could get a few do-overs. Two contrasting facts present here.
- I know a lot more now than I did back when I was a young whippersnapper.
- I remember how hardheaded and self-assured I was in those days and I’m not sure that if I could time travel back to the early and mid-80s that young whippersnapper Dave would listen to the wisdom old fogey Dave has to give. I’d like to share some of my thoughts about what I’d do differently if I could start it all over again and if I could get my young self to listen to reason.
I’ve had a wide range of experiences. I’ve been the guy the state office asked to come and speak because our church was growing so fast and they wanted me to share what we were doing with everyone else so that they could do what we were doing. I’ve also pastored churches that were plateaued and recently, a church going through a painful time of contention and split. I’ve seen it all. I’ve been through good times and burnout, even depression. I have made enough mistakes to fill several volumes but I have managed, to this point, to remain faithful to my wife, to the Word, and to One who purchased my soul.
I would offer these thoughts to you younger pastors and I hope you will accept them from my heart. A few of them come from victories and many of them come from deep regrets, from my failures.
If I had it all to do over again
1. I would find Paul.
My ministry hero is my dad and I learned a lot from him. My first ministry out of seminary was under him. The church decided (over his objections – he thought people who were upset with him might pick on me) to hire me as an associate pastor/youth pastor. I learned a lot in those five years. But my dad’s managerial style was hands off. He was an immensely busy man, with a national Bible Conference ministry and a growing church to lead. He trusted me to do my job and let me do it.
I never really had a ministry mentor. The seminary gave me a class or two on “Pastoral Ministry” but they were worthless. I had to learn while doing. I did a few things well and I never learned to do other things.
I wish I could go back to February 1, 1982, the day I started at that church, and tell my young, skinny self to find a man or group of men I trusted and ask them to mentor me in ministry. I knew how to study and preach, but I didn’t know much about pastoral ministry, time management, and other things. There were some other churches around and there were a couple of deeply spiritual and mature men in the church I could have worked with. Paul had Barnabas. Timothy and Titus had Paul. I had to learn ministry on my own and I believe it set me back in my Christian and ministerial maturity.
2. I would never walk alone.
I am a loner at heart. I think a lot of us pastors are. We love to sit in our studies and think deep thoughts and interact with the great minds of church history and read and prepare messages. That is all a part of ministry. But one thing I noticed about Paul as I studied Acts is that he never went anywhere alone. He had Timothy and Titus and Luke and Aristarchus and Gaius and the rest. Some, like Demas, forsook him. But everything he did in ministry was a group effort.
If I had it to do over again, I would force myself out of my loner personality and include others in more of what I did. I’d take people with me on visits. My ministry would be more of a group effort than a solo project.
3. I would not get fat.
When I entered the ministry I was a recovering marathon running addict. Over thirty years I gained 200 pounds by continuing to eat like a marathon runner when I did
We laugh about fat preachers but in reality it is not a laughing matters. We are slowly killing ourselves with bad diets. We rail against alcohol and drugs but obesity is also highly destructive to our bodies (though not perhaps as dangerous when we drive) and it is a poor witness to our lack of self-control we stand in the pulpit.
I have been fighting the fight over recent years and weight loss after 50, after 55, and after age 60 is hard. It would have been a lot easier just not to become morbidly obese in the first place. I’m not saying we preachers must be CrossFit devotees or that we should idolize physical fitness as some do. But taking care of our bodies is good stewardship and it is
I would have been a better minister in the church of Jesus Christ at 200 or 230 or even 250 than I was at 350 or 370. Gentlemen, bodily exercise has some profit! That’s in our holy book.
Let’s not pretend that morbid obesity is meaningless in ministry.
4. I would fail more.
I have known numerical success and numerical struggle as a pastor. I’m not talking about that. I am talking about the fear of failure that has sometimes kept me from trying things I believed were good ideas – godly ideas – because of how people might react if they came crashing down.
Some years ago, I began to sense that we should start a church in South Sioux (the Nebraska town across the Missouri River where no SBC church existed at the time – there’s a thriving Hispanic work there now). I went to my leaders and to the people with the idea of starting a church over there through intentional church split. We would gather a group of people (25 to 40) and they would begin worshiping in South Sioux. We’d have services there during the Sunday School hour. Our church staff would serve both churches while the South Sioux congregation got on its feet and then they’d go their separate way.
There are several church dynamics that go into that which I won’t explore here, but we suddenly began to get some pushback at Southern Hills. This will hurt Southern Hills. If we give up that many younger people, it will have a negative impact on us. I was going through a difficult time personally and I did not react as I should. I believe I should have challenged the church to believe God and move forward. I gave in to the negativity and abandoned the idea. All of the younger folks who were considering helping in that new church eventually got frustrated with the traditionalism at SHBC and moved on, or left for other reasons. They are all gone and there is still no English-speaking SBC church in South Sioux.
Instead of following what I believed was God’s leading, I gave in to negativity. I “kept the peace.” There are other complicating dynamics there I won’t go into, but I wish I had, with grace and kindness, challenge Southern Hills to go forward in faith and not given up so easily on that dream. If it failed, it failed. But the dream didn’t fail. I did. I gave up.
If God puts something on your heart, be willing to go forward with it!
5. I would live for God’s applause alone.
It is easy for me to say, since I’m now toward the end of my ministry and my family is grown. But if I was more faithful to God I think I’d probably have been on the edge of being fired far more than I was in my ministry.
I pastored a church many years back that had a strong contingent of racists in its membership. I’ve shared here how a group of black teens played basketball on the church parking lot and it broke out in a crisis. We had a scheduled business meeting that week and the church “sent me a message” by voting down my raise and denying deacon status to my best friend. I talked it over with the deacon who had invited the young men to play basketball at the church and we agreed that there was little to be gained by fighting the matter at that point. Just let God change hearts over time.
We thought at the time we were doing the right thing. If I had confronted the issue, I do not know what would have happened. There’d have been a huge fight and likely a church split. And the vote on whether to fire the pastor would have probably come down to a few ballots either way. If the same thing happened now, I would fight it to the bitter end, whatever that was. It is one of the reasons I was so strong in defending Jonathan Greer when he was fired for inviting Black children to VBS. He stood strong where I didn’t and got fired for it. Some, here on Voices, defended the church and blamed Greer, but I admired a young man who was willing to get fired for righteousness’ sake.
I don’t know what God will say at the judgment seat, but I know that my biggest problem as a servant of God has been living for the applause of man. “Nice sermon, pastor.” “You are great, Pastor Dave.” If forget it is entirely possible for God to applaud me and everyone else to be mad and for my church to carry me off on their shoulders (well…) while Heaven is silent.
Live for the pleasure of God alone.
6. I would learn time management.
I’ve always known this was one of my weaknesses. Hopefully, if I’d had a mentor, he’d have helped me. But the key to effectiveness is using time wisely and I have always struggled with that. Men, if you are a time waster, get that under control. Figure it out. Everything else flows from “redeeming the time.”
There is more to be said, but this is enough for now. I’d manage debt better. I’d keep my marriage and family relationships better. I’d work harder, pray more, study more. All of that. But these are some of the things I’d do.
- Any reactions, young whippersnappers?
- Anything to add, old fogeys?
Appreciate the transparency here. I particulary like the point about fear of failure. I’m not sure what the cure is for this, perhaps a better understanding that while church members want us to succeed, they aren’t necessarily grading us by wins and losses.
I’ve gained the normal ten pounds of weight per decade. Don’t like it but am not all that motivated to get back to my high school weight…I’ll have a nother slice of cake, please.
Dave, Thanks for sharing such personal thoughts. I turned 65 at the end of June. So I have been reflecting in a similar fashion. I echo many of your sentiments. I too wish I would have ‘pulled the trigger’ more often on those things that could have been. I do not know of a soul who did not wish their would have used their time better. And we could all have been helped by seeking out and heeding voices of wisdom along the way. I have never had serious numerical success in my ministry. All of my churches have been older established congregations in very rural settings ( town pop less than 3,000). This was a source of frustration for me through out my ministry. One of my big regrets is that I did not enjoy and pour into my own members more. Because I was so focused on numerical growth I fear I missed some real blessings from the Lord as well as the blessing of leading individuals into more serious spiritual growth. But there have been a couple of things I did right:
1) I did keep on exercising. I discovered running in seminary as something to do with my son. But it has become a lifelong habit. So I have been a serious runner (3-5 miles, 4-5 days a week) for over 30 years. This has been the smartest thing I have done in my life. Running not only helps me physically but also spiritually and emotionally. It has helped me stay mostly on the positive side of a serious depression problem. At 65 my biggest health concern is…there really aren’t any. I still carry 20 lbs. more than I would like. And my diet could still be improved. But I am glad to feel great at 65.
2) I have always been an Association man. The local Association has always been important to me. I have always been involved in pastor fellowships and some kind of leadership position, even when the Associations were rather inept. This has been a big blessing to me personally, allowed me to bless fellow pastors walking through tough times and given me outlets for a greater ministry impact than my small churches were sometimes interested in pursuing. I believe MANY pastors make a huge mistake in this regard.
Thanks, Dave, for the opportunity to reflect and share.
Thank you for this post. You mentioned that you should have sought a “Paul,” meaning a mentor. When I taught at Southern Seminary, our students begged for mentoring. Certainly, the faculty saw the value of mentoring, and we contacted pastors about becoming mentors. Sadly, most declined, saying they were too busy. I believe mature ministers have an obligation to mentor those who need it. Perhaps this is something associational DOMs could facilitate.
I would love to mentor young pastors now.
Perhaps the problem lies in the youthful hardheadedness I referred to in the piece
I attended two seminaries: NOBTS and Emmanuel Christian (a Stone Campbell affiliated seminary) in TN. Emmanuel was filled with professors who were incredibly knowledgeable in their fields of study but had no heart for ministry. My studies at Emmanuel fulfilled my academic thirsts in way that NOBTS did not, yet my NOBTS professors were far more influential on my life and ministry. The difference is that my Emmanuel professors where exactly that – professors only. They had some (theoretical and in the distance past) “ministry experience” but they tended to sadly be disconnected from the Church. In contrast, all of my NOBTS profs were bi-vocational ministers. I could ask them ministry specific questions and receive wisdom from their rich abundance of church ministry. They also had a passion for the Gospel that just wasn’t present in Emmanuel. Thus, I try to honor both by being faithful to the academic discipline instilled in me at Emmanuel and the pastoral heart of my NOBTS profs.
As someone about your same age who has traveled a similar road in ministry I would echo your thoughts.
As a young whippersnapper, I appreciate the thoughts here. I sat down with a 92 year old Pastor and he said the one thing he would have done differently is spend more time with his family.
Dave, this is very good and helpful. But you leave one question lingering….would you have still sported that mustache?
Go get your tonsils removed boy.
Thanks for these good words. I am 57. I am not a vocational minister, but I can identify with these insights.
Btw, what was your marathon PR?
I was fortunate at age 38 to find a running group and about 5 years ago transitioned to triathlon.
I would add another piece of advice for pastors.
Invest in a hobby that you enjoy, and then join a group outside the church that does that, and become a regular part of that group, not as a pastor, but as a participant.
It will keep you more real. You will stay more in touch with what people are saying and thinking. It will keep you accountable. And you will have a circle of friends who are outside the church to whom you can minister when the door opens from time to time.
My marathon PR was 3:54:59.7 – in the Dallas Whiterock Marathon in 1980. I tried to break 3:30 in the Cowtown Marathon, went out too fast and died a grueling death. Didn’t finish. Tried the same thing in the 1981 Dallas Whiterock and could have jogged to the finish line and beat my time, but quit at about 22.5. Still regret that one.
My slowest time was 11 and a half hours in the 2008 or 2009 Bataan Memorial Death March in White Sands New Mexico. Left at sunup and just got back before they closed the course at sundown.
Well done.
Triathlon training is data driven. Because the Ironman is so long, you go by heart rate, not pace or the worst – perceived exertion.
I wish I had known about heart rate training when I did my first marathons.
In fairness, I’m just posting this to see why my comments keep going to moderation.
We don’t know, Tony. There’s no reason and the geeks are working on it. Our apologies.
Tony–I know the smarter guys are looking at this too, but it looks like whatever you’re using for Internet keeps generating you as from a different IP address. So a lot of your comments are being automatically treated as “first time” comments, which means they go to moderation like any first time comment. Happens to folks who misspell their email address, too, but the rest of your stuff is the same. Just the IP has bounced around.
Honestly, Tony, the “Why is Tony Jones on moderation?” topic has been the subject of much discussion and much frustration.
Dave Miller,
You’re not going to be preaching your last sermon or buying your last green suit any time soon.
I am positive you will eat the goat that nibbles the grass around my grave.
Of course, I am 91 and a 1/2 years old. So you might better get in shape enough to run down that goat.
I no longer am able to wear the lime green suit. I’ve lost in the neighborhood of 80 pounds (the post-surgical diet helped) and the suit now hangs in my closet.
Thanks Dave. It appears to me that there is a lot left in the tank. This kind of honest appraisal of your experience is priceless.
Keep pressing on.
As you know, starting a long race is not so tough…but finishing can be. Finishing is winning… in the economy of God.
I would bring back a copy of the text for each Book of the Bible along with the author thereof, and I would bring back a drawing of each of the major people of the Bible,especially Jesus
[…] marathon addict Dave Miller says, “Let’s not pretend that morbid obesity is meaningless in ministry.” Indeed. […]
Thank you very much for posting this. It is pure gold and incredible wisdom. Very inspiring to me.