William: “You there with the ear ring, the cutlass, and your hair on fire; you’ve got problem with women pastors in the Southern Baptist Convention?
Pirate: “Aaaargh! Dadgum straight I’ve got a problem with it. It’s a big problem.”
W: “Yeah, a big problem? How many women are there in the SBC who lead churches as pastor?”
P: “I don’t know of any who are senior or lead pastors, but…”
W: “Hold on right there, swashbuckler. There aren’t any women senior pastors in the SBC?”
P: “Well, no, but…”
W: “Hold the ‘but’ Blackbeard. I want to be sure I’m hearing you right. There are almost 50,000 SBC churches and among these there are ZERO senior pastors?”
P: “Right, but if you will stop interrupting me, I was going to say that there are some women who are pastors.”
W: “You mean staff people, like associate pastors, or music ministers, or youth director?”
P: “Yes, and some of these are called ‘pastor’ just like the senior pastor.”
W: “OK. They don’t lead the church. They aren’t the main pastor. But their title includes the word ‘pastor”?
P: “Yes. It’s an outrage.”
W: “Why?”
P: “Because our confession, The Baptist Faith and Message” says pastors are to be men”?
W: “It doesn’t say that. It says “the office of pastor is limited to men.”
P: “Same thing.”
W. “Not exactly. Maybe you can spot the difference. But never mind. How many women have the title ‘pastor’ among the SBC’s 50k churches?”
P: “I don’t know. At least three.”
W: “Three? Among 50 thousand churches and maybe 150,000 staff people? And this is a problem?”
P: “It’s a big problem.”
W: “Doesn’t sound very big to me, but I’m not planning to take the ship. You sure there aren’t 10,000 or so churches that have started using the word ‘pastor’ for some church staff under the authority of and supervised by the senior pastor? That might help make your case a little better.”
P: “All we need is one or two, besides there are some women who have been ordained in the SBC.”
W: “Really? How many times is ordination mentioned in the BFM?”
P: “I don’t know.”
W: “I checked. The answer is ZERO. Not mentioned at all. Make a note of that.”
P: “I can’t write.”
W: “I’m shocked, shocked.”
P: “I don’t like the way this conversation is going.”
W: “I wouldn’t either if I were you. But, one more question: How many of the BFM Committee say that when they put “the pastor” in the BFM, they had in mind anyone using the word “pastor” not the main or senior pastor?”
P: “I’m not good at quizzes.”
W: “Doesn’t look like it but I’m happy to help. The answer is ZERO.”
P: “So what?”
W: “So, maybe you could get some facts.”
P: “Not much interested in that.”
W: “Didn’t think so.”
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You have a humor piece that comes from the other direction, submit it.
