I had to do something rather painful last night. It is something that I am certain that I will have to do again at some point, though I will dread it. What am I talking about?
While doing some Fall cleaning I discovered a dusty old stack of papers that needed to be gone through. This stack of papers was the happy home of old papers I had written in my freshman year of college. Yesterday, I had to go through them and read some of them.
Ouch.
At the time I wrote them they were really good. They were well written treatises explaining the intricacies of the Christian faith (that I had mastered in after only being a believer for a little over a year). Not only did I explain for all to understand the mysteries of the relationship between free-will and divine sovereignty; but I also had a paper that was certain to destroy every last vestige of popery while simultaneously sticking a dagger in the heart of Anglicanism. My papers were awesome.
WERE.
But over the years sitting in that stale file cabinet they acquired a good amount of ignorance. They were brilliant when written, finely edited, and without an error. But now they held on their pages a good amount of error; like calling “the Cross” a Catholic sacrament. Apparently error flowing forth from an arrogant pen takes a few years to ripen.
As I read these papers I felt a strange sympathy for their author. It was the same feeling I feel for Michael Scott when I watch the Office. Part of you really dislikes the guy, but the other part feels sorry for him. He seems to be so happily confident in his awesomeness, but the rest of the world views him as a complete goon.
How could someone be so arrogant and yet so painfully unaware of his ignorance?
And that scares me. I’m pretty confident that right now I do not have any glaring errors like I did when I was 19. I can look back and laugh (painfully, laugh) at my ignorant views of the Catholic church, and my weak understanding of the gospel. I’m deeper now. I know more. I have a better grasp on the gospel. Right?!?!?
What will I feel when I look back at the stuff I wrote at age 30? I only hope that where there is regret it’s covered by a deeper experience of grace. I know that the only thing in what I write will be that which rightly speaks to the eternal and presents Christ as the only boast of this generation. I want to write in such a way as not to be ashamed. The only way I can do that is by not writing a ton of “opinions” but remaining as close as I can to the unchanging Word.
I stand today quite thankful that grace is more amazing than a foolish and arrogant young student. I’m thankful that those papers were locked up in the file cabinet of a shed in a small town in Indiana and not posted some place for all to read. Not only for my own sake but also for the sake of the gospel. I made Jesus look foolish. I pray for a great reversal. May I be used to magnify the greatness of Jesus and make myself look foolish.
And it will probably be best to write humbly…
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Mike,
I think folks looking back at first year sermons might produce the same experience 🙂
Maybe reading someone like Augustine every now and then will help us with humility. Yeah, he got some things wrong, but…wow
Your right–it is the exaltation of Christ that matters.
Thank you for this post.
Mike,
Your humility and gut-level honesty touch my heart. You also convict me with your posts, because I am all-too-often “that guy” of whom you speak. Thanks for your ministry to me through writing.
I know some preachers with 30+ years of sermon notes and acquired knowledge who are still preaching error! Men who are still arrogant and painfully unaware of their ignorance and still camping out in the same circles of their youth which got them off track in the first place. They are living proof that knowledge doesn’t equal truth and that age doesn’t necessarily equal wisdom.
I think, Max, that the spirit of this post is more of a inward look – not examining the failings of others but my own tendency to be adamant and confident, even when I am wrong. This one seems to be about the inner look, not the outer look.
Reminds we of something a preacher said at the SBC many years ago. “I have been often wrong, but never in doubt.”
Yes, Dave, I certainly recognize the spirit of the post and respect the humility with which Mike has looked inwardly to voice the assessment of his journey. We’ve all made mistakes of youth – my point in taking opportunity of the post subject was to note that not all who stand in pulpits have grown in the way expressed by Mike.
Mike, I sincerely appreciate the honesty and integrity of your post and was touched by it. Forgive me for expanding on your writing to take an outward look to bemoan others who have not paused to look back and correct their course for the cause of Christ.
True dat.
in a perfect world, posts like this would get 1000 views and 200 comments.
One of the best posts I’ve read in a long time.
Maturity is not only seeing the mistakes of your youth but owning up to them as well. The danger of course in noting our youthful ignorance is that while we may note changes in our theology or attitudes over time, many of those we taught are not so lucky to note our changes over time. We need to be willing to acknowledge errors and be humble in our assertions, so that we not only teach our people correctly but also how to be corrected in our examples.
It is one of the best. 30 years ago, I was just starting my 1st f/t ministry position as an Ass’t pastor. I was so certain of everything. I would hate to look at my sermons.
This is one of the reasons we need to be patient with young preachers. They need all the encouragement they can get. Eventually God often greatly uses those young smart aleck preachers.
Dad used to say, “It’s better to have a little wild fire, than no fire at all.”
David R. Brumbelow
Wow….Mike keep writing like that and you won’t ever be ashamed.
Except if he disagrees with me…wait…never mind.
Do you folks realize what we’ve done? Mike writes a post on humility and then we all compliment him to the point that when he reads all this, he will almost certainly become prideful!
LOL. I do appreciate the encouragement. Bout time you goons realize how amazing I am.
Oh MIKE, and just when I was about to tell you that this following remark of yours is positively Franciscan in its humility:
“As I read these papers I felt a strange sympathy for their author.”
I really liked the way you wrote that . . . it is something that reveals an insight into ‘self’ that is honest, compassionate and accepting.
Very emotionally healthy statement.
Breaking News: Mike Leake was asked to return the Humility Award he received earlier today.
That’s fine. It didn’t fit on my mantle anyways. You know…b/c of all my other awards.
Dave – in my humble (but accurate) opinion, that was the right decision 🙂
Now Max is trying to win the award. Good luck, man…Dave giveth and taketh away pretty quickly.
Mike, this is an excellent article. Good thoughts.
PS….HAPPY BIRTHDAY Dave Miller!!!!
Those mean a lot less now.
I would think the older you get the greater cause for celebration….b/c every year it becomes a great accomplishment.
It’s a good reason to go back and read old stuff that we’ve written.
We know in part and we prophecy in part.