Social distancing? Hey, I got this. I was born for this, brethren and sistren (“Hey doc, back off a bit would you? You’re in my space”). Six feet, you say. How about sixty?
I DNA tested at four percent Neanderthal. Is it necessary to point out that the socially obtuse Neanderthals died out. This requires some translation but maybe they didn’t like each other’s company.
As a pastor, I spent a considerable number of years working on likeability. Made some genuine progress, according to my wonderful wife. Although the qualifications for pastor/elder/overseer do not include “must be likable” it certainly helps. I’ve known more than a few colleagues who seemed to make a virtue out of unlikability. Really, brethren? This is how you think loving God’s flock is supposed to look?
Then there are always those people in your congregation who sidle up, lean in, and rudely invade your personal space. Hey, bro, I don’t need to be six inches from your nose to carry on a conversation. Hugs were fine (alas, they are no longer) but stay out of my space.
I tell my pastor, who has a surfeit of charisma, that if I had as much personality as he has in his little finger, I probably woulda been a mega pastor and had two months off every summer.
Then there are those pastors who think spending long hours closeted in their so-called study makes them more fit for that twenty minute, half-plagiarized sermonette on the Lord’s Day. Get out and mix and mingle, build and expand those relationships – sometime in May, not right now.
Actually, I miss the casual exchanges in my small group, scratchy kisses for grandkids, and being around other people without thinking that they might be a walking, talking, virus-infested reservoir.
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My purpose for writing this is to get laid off by SBC Voices. I understand that unemployment benefits are available for self-employed and that a loophole in the new bill allows one to be paid more than he was making; thus, I should be in line for $600 per week or so. Sweet.
History’s top misanthropes: Mencken, Bligh (falsely so labeled), Cruella de Vil, Calvera, Dave Miller.
