In “The Wife of Bath’s Tale,” Chaucer creates a king who, as punishment for an evil deed, is sent on a quest to find out what it is that women really want. He travels the entire land, asking women everywhere, and much to his discouragement, every answer is different. He is beginning to believe he will never learn the truth of what it is that women truly desire. Finally, he comes across an old mystic who reveals that the ultimate wish of all women is to dominate and rule over their husbands and lovers. In the end the king is forced to marry the old woman and, once he finally concedes sovereignty to her, they live happily ever after.
It seems like the men of the SBC are on a bit of a quest themselves. To their credit, they are asking the questions and listening to the answers. They are considering what it really means to value women and what that should look like in our church families. But I can’t help but get a sense that in their hearts they are concerned that at the end of all the questioning and searching that they, like Chaucer’s doomed king, will find that all women are really after is domination.
So, as many Southern Baptist men scratch their heads and try their hardest to figure out what in the world will satisfy the women of our denomination, I would submit that asking what the women of the SBC want is asking the wrong question. “What do women want?” is not a question for the church. The only relevant question to be asking in these times or any time is this: What does Jesus want?
The issue of women in the SBC isn’t a matter of what women do or do not wish to see happen. It’s a matter of the church operating the way it is meant to—with input and direction from all of those church members who are made in God’s image. When God created men and women, He didn’t make Adam in His image and then throw Eve together from a few spare parts he had lying around. He tenderly crafted her using a rib taken straight from Adam’s side. He created both of them in His own likeness, and He gave both of them the command to subdue the earth and rule over it. (Genesis 1:28)
Together, men and women of the church show a clearer reflection of what God is like. The church needs both strength and sensitivity, both practicality and emotion, both tenderness and discipline. Men and women each display unique aspects of God’s image at different times in their spiritual lives, and in order for the church to operate at its best, it desperately needs both masculine and feminine viewpoints. Filling our committees and boards with men or, more recently, one or two women, limits our denomination in its understanding of and carrying out of the Great Commission. Men alone can try to comprehend how to best reach certain communities or cultures, but without women’s natural emotional intelligence, the SBC is missing large pieces of the evangelism puzzle.
In our SBC churches, women are serving who understand people and the sometimes delicate nuances of true relationship, who are prayer experts and humble helpers, who have special and sweet and awe-inspiring connections to the God of the Universe. The SBC needs these women in the important meetings. We need these women helping their brothers make the tough calls and navigate choppy cultural and spiritual seas. God designed these women to help men, not just in the home, but in the difficult discussions. In the vision casting and the vote casting. It’s in the thoughts, ideas, questions, and inspired input of both men and women that we present a church that is most truly and effectively the hands and feet of Christ.
When God looked at His precious Adam, He said that it is not good for man to be alone. It was true in the garden, and it’s true today, in our homes, in our churches, and in our denominational committee meetings. Men and women work best when they work together, as God designed it. It isn’t really a matter of what women want to see happen. Women, like all humans, can be blinded by our desire for approval and glory. But, as we each consider where we want the SBC to be in another twenty years, I pray that we will ask ourselves that all-important question: What does Jesus want? Not bitterness or backbiting or grabs for power and honor. Just humble men and women, serving together, helping each other, deferring to one another as we marvel in the great privilege of sharing the gospel with a lost and dying world.
Melissa Edgington is a pastor’s wife and mom of three who loves writing about Christianity and church life. You can find her at Your Mom Has a Blog, on Facebook, and on her podcast.
[…] Although this piece is about some issues that Southern Baptists are thinking through at the moment, I feel sure that what I’m proposing here applies across denominational lines. Please check it out here! […]
Amen amen amen!
Yes! This!
And I’d like to say to the men: for women in the pews, this isn’t some theological/philosophical quandary that we will just all figure out eventually. This is something that God-fearing, Jesus-honoring women want to know how to do right, right now. How do we speak? When? What can we lead? With whom? At extreme ends— some women are charging forward without know what their church teaches while others with the desire to contribute to the body are sitting on their hands waiting for answers to these questions.
Good points! When looking around at the women on your pews, consider it’s not always the Type A obvious leader type that needs to find her place. Sometimes it’s the quiet, humble servant that has only known what she can’t do who will not self promote. And other times it will be the person pushing back because shes always been told what she can’t do but not what she can.
“women are serving who understand people and the sometimes delicate nuances of true relationship, who are prayer experts and humble helpers, who have special and sweet and awe-inspiring connections ”
Statements like this irk me – no offense intended. I know it is meant with the best intentions.
Let me explain: I am a farm-raised country girl, oldest child, and a former middle/high school math teacher. My daddy will freely admit that he “worked me like a borrowed mule” on the farm. I was expected to keep up with the hired men physically, and be “smarter” too. I tended livestock, worked in tobacco, etc. I was expected to solve problems, and I did.
My daughter – same thing, except replace math teacher with computer tech.
The limitations that SBC churches in our area place on women makes us gag. All of our talents are forbidden, at least at this point in time, and there are many more similar us. We can’t use our talents, so we just sit, take up space, and bring covered dishes. I’m good a good cook, and handy in the kitchen, but it’s not enough….. particularly when there is an abundance of kitchen workers. Also, please don’t send me to the nursery – I taught algebra I and II, and pre-cal!
Don’t try to put us in stereo-typical boxes, or force us to mutate. It doesn’t work.
Whew! Sorry ’bout the rant. But, with everything that’s been going on, I just had to get it out!
Nancy, thanks for your comment. I share your frustrations at the ways we put women in boxes. It’s easy to do. Not all women are inclined to work in the nursery. But, the truth is that there are very few out there who consider nursery work to be the highlight of our month. I would maintain that we should do it anyway, both men and women, because it’s an important way to serve the church. We have to be careful not to imply that women who are intelligent shouldn’t be serving in these ways. Intelligent, thinking, aware, godly women should be serving all over the church, in the nursery and the kitchen as well as on the committees and other areas of service. We have to remember that those women who excel at and are specially called to work with children are not lacking in intelligence. That being said, I think I understand where you’re coming from. Thanks again for chiming in. I enjoyed reading your thoughts.
I wasn’t insinuating that people who excel in the nursery are not intelligent. There are people there that I admire greatly – committed, patient, loving people who love what they do! I’m just saying that that dealing with that age group is not one of my strengths. I would be okay with a rotation, but I couldn’t handle it full time.
And please don’t put me in the choir, either. Everybody would be lookin’ under the pews for a scalded hound dog! I so wish I could sing, though!
Just sayin’ we should all be able to use our gifts and talents where we are best suited. Also – teamwork, not competition!
I get what you’re saying Nancy! I can volunteer with the toddlers from time to time and do, but there are men and women way more gifted in that area than me and it shows. I can love on them but they learn more from others. And they still laugh about the first time a lady tried to sign me up to bring ingredients for the church bbq. I asked so many questions trying to figure out how they wanted it prepared that she gave me a look like “oh you helpless thing” and “blessed my heart” and told me to see someone else for a way to help. I’m one of those math/science/programming types too and my job is along the lines of analyst. Now my father in law and brother in law are amazing cooks. They’d be much more appreciated on the kitchen duty. I volunteer to cook sometimes but it needs to be something I’m comfortable with and I don’t want to be expected to. It always ends up wrong and make sure me very stressed otherwise.
This article is the best I have seen lately! I am one of those women who sat quietly in the church (about 40 years) and served where I was asked to serve. Then my husband died and God called me to go to SWBTS. I am learning so much from the professors at Southwestern, its hard to express my appreciation adequately.
Now I feel compelled to speak up in support of women who have been subject to rape/abuse/misconduct in the church. It is time to bring the darkness into light. I spent my Army career (20yrs) defending women who were raped and not allowed to speak out. I am saddened to find it in the SBC, but will continue to be an advocate for women. Since the firing of Paige Patterson I have been reading and staying informed, but not speaking up.
I want to make sure when I do speak I am informed, have heard both sides, and prayerfully weighed my words. What I want is for pastors to bring seasoned women into the room when a woman is reporting rape/abuse/misconduct. I want women to be used fully as God has ordained it. I do not want your pulpit. I want you to listen to our voices. I want to be very sure my voice honors Jesus and my message is biblical. Thank you Melissa for this article. It honors Jesus and it is biblical.
Thanks for writing to ‘men and women’. In another SBC Voices blog post, the article addressed the readers as ‘the brethren’. I’m responding here so as not to directly offend or be misunderstood by the other writer. Yes, lily-livered of me, I know. (Maybe the guest writer was referring to some society of men who discuss politics? The Brethren? Then again, maybe not.) To be fair, he also used ‘people’ and ‘person’, but his main points were addressed directly to ‘the brethren.”
Words and usage of words have changed. Words fall out of vogue and often for very good reasons. But, perhaps, ‘brethren’ is a widely accepted part of the guest writer’s church culture and practice. If so, apologies to my brother.
But back to your question – “‘What does Jesus want?” I can’t say for sure what Jesus would call me in a blog post perse ?, but I don’t think it would be ‘brethren.’ I read John 15:15 to mean me and you, even though Jesus was speaking to His disciples at the time. He said, “I have called you friends.”
So I suppose if I were in one of the committee meetings you mention, I would like to hear terms like, ‘brothers and sisters’, ‘folks’ or ‘friends’. These indicate belonging, community, family, unity. And those are things I think Jesus’ wants in His church.
I use the terms “folks” all the time. Even my weekly newsletter article usually begins “Hey Folks!” My daughters pick on me about it, but it does definitely bridge the gender gap and is much shorter than “brothers and sisters”.
Oh good, you found me over here on this post. I thought you might. Love ‘folks’ and here’s to using it more liberally.
What Jesus wants is the ideal…is what we strive for and what we know to be right and true. But here is where I think the problem is….what we know to be true is not even happening in our Christian homes. The ideal of husband and wife living like Jesus wants happens in so few homes. And even in the homes where both husband and wife desire to live like Jesus wants, the pressure of our own sin…the world’s view and attacks from the Enemy the chance to live out a Jesus pleasing relationship is spotty at best. I believe that what is happening in the church is a reflection of what is and what is not happening in the home. If we can’t live side by side at home … as Jesus wants ….then how can we do it at church?
Anyone who leads with Chaucer has my *full* attention for the rest of the article.
That goes double if it’s a reference to the Wife of Bath, who’s a bawdy, good-natured old lady with a keen eye for human behavior — basically Nanny Ogg from the Discworld series, if you’re familiar. It’s IMPOSSIBLE not to like her. A+ choice by the author; would nerd out with her about the Canterbury Tales any time.
[…] Eddington gets a gold star for working Chaucer into an article. I think I’ve read a bit of old Chuck Chaucer, guy from Alabama, […]