Like most people, 2020 has been a whirlwind of emotions, confusion, and stress. Being a pastor during a pandemic has been the most challenging thing I have ever had to deal with. In the early stages, just trying to make a sound decision on when or if to stop gathering for worship was difficult. No matter what decision was made, I knew that I was going to be second-guessed by everyone. On top of those decisions, it was equally as challenging for many pastors to decide to reopen for worship: some thought it was too soon, while others thought that we should never have stopped meeting in the first place. Again, no matter what decision was made in this regard, people would criticize the decision.
Fast forward several months. Pastors are still trying to navigate the situation as best as possible while also trying to keep our people safe while being obedient to the commands to meet. To say that this is not ideal would be an understatement. The stresses of pastoring and loving members while understanding that real fear and concern exist and, on top of that, there are so many different opinions on either side. This makes the situation not only stressful but complex.
In August, one of my church members got covid and had to go to one of our area hospitals. The family stayed in the parking lot for days, not being able to see him or be with him. They could not hold his hand. They could tell him that he was loved. They could not be present with him to pray for him. And as days turned into weeks, he passed away. Alone and without anyone there to see him into glory. It was a horrible situation for the family.
As a pastor, one of the things that I love more than anything is making hospital visits. I truly do. And, to be honest, apart from seeing the fully gathered body of Christ at worship together, not being able to make hospital visits is the thing that I miss the most from pastoring during a pandemic. In this case, I would have gladly gone into the ICU and put on all necessary personal protection equipment to see my church member and to pray with and for him. But I wasn’t able to. Not only did covid take his life, it completely devastated a family. Seeing a family coming to terms with grief in this way is tragic and seeing people suffer alone is heartbreaking. As a pastor, having the feeling that there is nothing you can do about it is maddening.
The feeling of not being able to do anything about covid led me to a strange decision. I decided to volunteer for the Moderna vaccine trial. Now I did not tell many folks about this because of the various perspectives on it. There were constant talks about vaccines being the “mark of the beast” mentioned in Revelation. And there were/are many conspiracy theorists that believe the government was using vaccines to inject you with microchips to track your every movement (as if they don’t know already through your cellphone).
So, I signed up for the trial but kept it to myself.
To be honest, the only reason that I did was out of my experience with my church member who passed away because I hated the thought of not being able to do anything. But, at least now, I was able to feel at least that I was helping.
I am not a doctor, and I have no idea if covid-19 is as bad as the media is saying it is, nor do I know if the vaccine will help. And I am not saying that everyone should take it when it comes out because I realize that many questions remain from both covid and the vaccines. But I do know that during those horrible days in August when a family that I love was hurting because one of their loved ones was sick and alone, I felt that raw pain with them. Maybe, just maybe, these vaccines will help. I am prayerful and hopeful that they will help someone. But for me, signing up for the trial was simply a way for me to feel like I was doing something productive. Maybe it will be. Time will tell.
Over the coming months, I wished that I felt that things were trending upwards. But, to be honest, I don’t. I wish that covid was over. I wish that people were no longer hurting. I wish that people were able to be with their loved ones. I wish for a lot of things. I suspect that many pastors are now going to have to deal with the issues of vaccines in their churches over the next few months. And all I know is this: no one really has the answer. If you want to take the vaccine, then do so and not judge people who don’t. If you don’t want to take the vaccine, don’t but don’t judge those that do. But looking back on those few weeks in August, I can tell you that I wished that I could have done more. Whether the vaccine helps or not is not really up to me, but I cannot wait for Jesus to throw it back into the pit of hell where it belongs. Until then, we must place our hope in Christ. Let us continue to weep with those who weep, and let us continue to serve one another. And maybe, just maybe, next year will be better. But even if it is not, Jesus is good, and he is to be trusted.
I am part of the Pfizer vaccine trial. Unfortunately, I am part of their post-COVID study group now. They give you two shots. I got the first one and was scheduled to get the second one the day I lost my sense of taste and smell – tests came back positive. I thought I would be kicked out of the program when I got COVID, but they’ve continued to draw blood and check me out. Someone will say – “See, it doesn’t work.” No. First of all, I may have gotten the placebo instead of the actual vaccine. If I… Read more »
Thank you for your heart felt post. Even though I am now a retired SBC preacher, I truly missed worshipping at a church. I got tired very fast with the on-line service…especially on Easter Sunday!
I would’ve participated in a trial if I had had the opportunity. And I’ll be glad to take the vaccine when it becomes available.
I have signed up for a trial and will take the vaccine when its available in my area. I hope others in my church follow suit. I miss visiting folks, especially when they’re in the hospital.
There were constant talks about vaccines being the “mark of the beast” mentioned in Revelation. And there were/are many conspiracy theorists that believe the government was using vaccines to inject you with microchips to track your every movement
Wow, just wow. I hadn’t heard the first one. I have heard the second, said seriously. If I recall, it was Bill Gates who was going to provide the microchips. There’s no way to respond to stuff like this.
Bill Mac, I recently had a lady ask me; “Preacher, is the vaccine the gateway to getting the Mark of the Beast?” I responded, “Only if the person giving it to you has really hairy arms and has a face that looks like Freddy Krueger.” She frowned at me and said, “I knew not to ask you. You’re never serious about anything except on Sunday.” I apologized to her for being flippant and said, “OK, here’s the deal. It’s biblically impossible for a vaccine to be the Mark of the Beast.” I don’t think she believed me. I should’ve stuck… Read more »
Perhaps if you take 666 vaccines then you will get the mark of……….
That’s a joke.
I have had that many vaccines to keep me from ever becoming an AUBURN or IOWA or UNC or OHIO ST fan.
The vaccines are known the ROLL TIDE FOR LIFE VACCINE.
In all seriousness it is a shame Christians are such easy marks (no pun intended) for conspiracy theories.
You are right as the rain.
I was just offered the vaccine at work today, along with my entire fire department. Not a single taker. There are just simply too many unknowns to risk it. The disclaimer sheet they gave us was six pages long, most of it detailing how they had no idea if:
a) It would actually work
b) It would harm you
c) It would prevent transmission to another person
It was pretty easy to turn it down.
I am also participating in the Moderna trial. I had zero side effects, which made me think I might have gotten the placebo. Then the next week, everyone in my house got Covid except for me. I just wanted to be a small part of the solution.
I got the shot, AND COViD. I suspect it was the placebo.
I’m considering getting the antibody test, just to see before the holidays. I wish Moderna would tell me what I got once the vaccine is approved later this week.
Our governor just said that pastor are considered frontline workers, and will be first in line with Healthcare workers to get the shot when it’s available.
I’m so happy to read this and most of these comments as well. I have worked since I graduated from university in clinical trials, many areas from blood pressure, diabetes, vision, oncology, rare disease, etc. I didn’t work on the covid studies but I know ppl who have. It’s been a busy year and people have worked so hard on this. At church we have prayed and prayed for a breakthrough, a treatment, a preventive.. something to grant relief. So suddenly the last couple months being aware of people saying that something evil is behind the vaccine or implying that… Read more »