Sometimes the distances between what people know of you . . . and what they think of you . . . and what you know of yourself . . . and what you think of yourself . . . and what is true of all of this knowledge and all of these thoughts when sifted out seems as vast as the entire universe. I wonder if God didn’t just create all the stars and solar systems for a practice run, knowing that the humans-to-come would be much more difficult to put into motion and save from colliding.
We don’t orbit well.
We want to be the center of our own universe; we choose carefully who gets into our solar system . . . and we place them at distances as warm as Jupiter and as cold as Pluto. After a bit of exploration, we put a few far beyond the telescope, as if unseen means non-existent . . . and yet out there somewhere they maintain a wobbly orbit, passing by in the darkness, unseen, in solitude and isolation, unable to move into a different universe. They are a part of us . . . apart from us.
I thought we Christians — the church — would be better at this by now. For me it’s not so much a matter anymore. People know me; they know of my struggle; they’ve tallied my losses; those who choose have seen my restoration; they know of my love for others who struggle; they have reconciled themselves to an awkward admission that God does indeed do what God says He will: comfort the afflicted and restore the hearts of the wounded and love His own.
What did I think we would be better at by now? Not culture-trained tolerance, which is only an effort to forge a fragile peace. Not grudging acceptance, which is just a way to avoid truth. Not ignorant blindness to sin, which is just one more message to the world that even believers are unsure of what we believe and why it matters. What I thought would be better by now is our ability to live in fearless love, which overpowers fear, enables change, wipes away tears and lifts tired and anxious souls, who, unencumbered by the overwhelming weight of shame and judgment, are freed from spending energy hiding and ducking, and can truly pursue freedom.
I thought we would do better by now . . . those of us who claim a desire to be Christlike, that we would not look so personally at the sins of others, as if they bear them only to plague us. Yet, here we are, decades down a road He laid out for us and we’re still ignoring the bodies by the roadside. We’re so focused on those who proclaim their pride in their gayness that we miss those who want to forego all pride and proclaim freedom. Dear Christian: “You’re scaring them to death . . . or ignoring them to tears.”
I know . . . it’s not your fault they fell into sin and “choose” to stay there.
But you know . . . it may not be their fault either. And if they’re looking for help, they’re not choosing to stay there. They’re choosing to choose.
And you know what else? if we only focus on the fault of sin, we forgo the hope of forgiveness and we withhold the great sigh of grace. We see so well we blind ourselves.
It’s a double-edged blindness. We’re not only shutting out the broken, we’re sending shudders down the spines of the broken’s loved ones, those who have know him or her since the days when brokenness was just a spill from a swing on the playground . . . not a headlong toss into finding themselves in the land of the lost.
We need to quit scaring; we need to start caring.
Whether we embrace it as an official ministry or not, members of our churches are ministering to Christians who struggle with homosexuality, pornography addiction and other forms of sexual brokenness. Like the struggle itself, their ministry to those who suffer may be hidden, but it goes on, born out of undeniable love. They are parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, cousins, and friends of your church members – men and women — who are drowning in the residue of the sin of unwanted homosexuality. They may not understand it; they may cringe at the thought; they may hurt and hold themselves responsible; they may scratch their heads, but they do not close their hearts or turn their backs.
They love.
Those who walk with them share the solitude and isolation that afflicts Christians who struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction. Secrecy fuels this sin into a raging fire, right in the shadow of the church, the very place where the light of cleansing is harbored. Is there truly protection in rejection? Our fears and limitations quench the power of the Holy Spirit to remove the deception and division and put the family back together. And the truth is, there is no reason to fear; no reason to limit God’s love to these sinners any more than to all the others who worship in our midst. And we have the resources we need: “the greatest of these is love.”
Make it Clear
There is no need to compromise. Churches need to know and hold a biblical worldview on homosexuality and sexuality in general and present it to their members, particularly in light of recent confusing messages from some denominations which have shown their weakness, substituting their confusion and a desire for worldly peace for God’s clarity and His peace for the world .
What is that biblical worldview?
Homosexual behavior, by definition, is a sin. Homosexual orientation is not sinful. Being tempted is not a sin. Giving in to temptation is a sin. Christ died to pay for our sins. When we confess and repent, we are forgiven. During this process — which can be lengthy for some — we need to keep them close to us, working alongside us in the fields, bowing beside us in the sanctuary, sitting with us at the table, confessing alongside us, repenting with us, crying out in unison to the same God who understands our sins as well as theirs . . . and forgives us all the same, giving no greater weight.
Truth does not come at the expense of compassion; compassion does not require the abandonment of truth.
Despite my own difficulties within the church as a struggler, I believe because of what I read in the Bible, that the church still holds the key of hope for those who seek freedom from homosexuality. Countless testimonies of those who walk more freely from sexual temptation today say that is is because their church accepted them as a child of God, despite what they saw as sinful actions. When churches see the potential of what God could do in a person’s life and then hang in there with the patience and kindness of love as those changes unfold, they are the best of enablers.
I believe it is unlikely any sexually-broken person will ever find freedom without the help and support and encouragement and love of Christians who walk with him or her in the pursuit of freedom and healing and an end to homosexual sin in their lives.This is not a contagious sin. We need to carry contagious grace.
Mike Goeke, a pastor who helps lead a ministry to homosexual strugglers at Stonegate Fellowship, a Southern Baptist Church church in Midland, Texas, has great hopes for the church.
“It is important to remember that homosexual desires and feelings do not mean someone is a ‘homosexual,’” said Goeke in Homosexuality: Your Questions Answered, published by the SBC Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission in 2005. “Homosexual desires may lead one to accept a homosexual identity, but every Christian is first and foremost a child of God. Someone who struggles with unwanted homosexual desires is not a homosexual. Someone who practiced homosexuality in the past is not a homosexual simply because of their past struggles. Temptation is not sin and should not be treated as such. If the church takes each person as it finds them and holds every Christian to the same standard, then the church should have no problem finding a place for anyone in the local church.”
It is likely there is at least one struggler in every Southern Baptist Church — and I focus on the SBC here because I myself am a Southern Baptist and there are just so many of us — yet only a handful of the more than 42,000 SBC churches in America and not one of the 1,700 SBC churches in Oklahoma is a part of the Exodus Church Association, which equips churches to help same-sex strugglers.
The SBC has been clear, but some denominations and individual churches have compromised biblical truth, sending a confusing message. Acknowledging the sin and offering the truth of Christ’s redemption need to work hand-in-hand.
“The Christian worldview has been undermined by pervasive curricula that teach moral relativism, reduce moral commandments to personal values, and promote homosexuality as a legitimate and attractive lifestyle option,” said Southern Seminary President Al Mohler in A Challenge of Courage & Compassion: The Church’s Response to Homosexuality.
The church can offer clarity to counteract the confusion of our culture.
Keep them near
The same-sex struggler has no shortage of places to go when temptation strikes. For most, the church does not rank high on the list because of a history of rejection and condemnation . . . and the fear that “a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough.” While some Christians struggle with same-sex attraction, it is not contagious. Most Christian men and women who struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction, in fact, raise their children with the correct biblical view that homosexual behavior is a sin.
God used an experience I had s few years ago to make something more clear in my mind. In the hospital recovering from surgery, I noticed an odd attachment to my lower abdomen. A small container was collecting the poison and fluid that accumulates after surgery to remove it from my body. Several times a day, a nurse would empty this container. This same nurse rushed to my side when I stood and lost my first lunch at bedside. She cleaned it up, humming as she did so, not one bit concerned that she would be damaged by her proximity. She saw me at my worst and it presented her at her best.
The church should nurse the wounded back to health.
The confusion of complacency
“Outside the walls of the church, homosexuals are waiting to see if the Christian church has anything more to say after we declare that homosexuality is a sin,” said Mohler.
Sexual sin leads to isolation, which leads to a need to reach out somewhere for someone to listen. Unfortunately, it’s easy to find a sympathetic ear ungrounded in God’s Word. Strugglers in big cities and small towns can find easy and anonymous hook-ups via Craig’s List or personals websites. They can dangerously cruise certain areas of larger cities and then return home, usually mired in the quicksand of self-hatred and weakness, but with hope no one will ever find out. Young men who struggle are lured by false theology to embrace sexual attraction for men as normal through such groups as GOYS, which flaunt “a new masculine sexual identity,” which allows for men to have sex with each other within certain limits . . . because these men are not “gay,” but “goy.” One GOY group recently advised its members to cease contributions to churches and support the GOY movement instead.
Don’t let homosexuality be someone else’s problem, or think it is not in your church. Why would you be so fortunate as to have been spared this sin among your members? Small town . . . small church? Big battle. This is not an urban phenomenon. In my struggles, and now in my ministry, I met many Christian men from small towns who lived in absolute fear of discovery and expulsion.
The compassion of confession
Perhaps the biggest reason the church needs to be involved on the same-sex battlefield is because the church is the Body of Christ and the best place for confessional healing. Hidden sins inhibit reconciliation and redemption.
Andrew Comiskey, director of Desert Streams Ministries, addresses this in his book, Strength in Weakness.
“Confession requires community – the witness of trusted brothers and sisters. I firmly believe that without that witness our efforts to live honestly and wholeheartedly will not work. We as the church must be reminded of the biblical call to gather as sinners in order to be cleansed.”
Too often confession in church is the end-result of being caught doing something wrong outside the church and having to ‘fess up. It is painful and feared. Just seeing someone else go through it often causes the sinner to bury his secret more deeply.
Imagine if the church truly were a place where a person struggling with a sin of any kind had trusted brothers or sisters in a small group situation and could confess, receive prayer and know that he is not walking alone.
“Without confession, we can remain alone, skimming the surface of God’s grace in less revealing aspects of fellowship,” said Comiskey. The “powerful, repetitive responses of mercy” and a connection with others “rescues us from the domination of sin.”
If churches function properly, they are places of compassion, correction and confession.
“Within the church, one in five members is affected in some way. They, a loved one or someone they know is gay. In the past, the church has seen its role primarily as condemning,” said Stephen Black, director of First Stone Ministries. “Now we are under cultural assault. Churches are going to have to be clear.”
Dealing with the same-sex issue, he believes, takes training and understanding, but churches can be equipped. He sees three levels of the homosexual struggler: the person wholeheartedly seeking the truth, the struggler who has become hardened and no longer seeks the truth, and the struggler deceived into thinking he or she can act out within a Christian gay identity. In addition, you have the person who knows it is wrong, but is close to just giving up. All must be approached with a clear-cut biblical response to the sin in their lives.
The compassion of commonality
Some approach homosexuality as today’s leprosy or, perhaps as tax collectors in Jesus time. If so, shouldn’t we approach it as Jesus did the lepers and tax collectors? He associated with them. As Scripture tells us, “God does not show favoritism” (Acts 10:34). Jesus treated the tax collector and the leper in exactly the same way as he did others, with grace.
“If we don’t approach the issue of homosexuality with long-suffering and patience to help people through their sin, we set ourselves up for self-righteousness, which is also a sin,” said Black. “We need to bear each other’s burdens. As Christians, we should be very careful of placing limits on that.”
While willful and repetitive sin can rightfully lead to church discipline and removal, Black thinks churches should be slow to act.
“Homosexuals can walk out a process of healing,” said Black. “When you excommunicate them, you turn them over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh. We should err on the side of mercy rather than judgment, giving weight to grace, wisdom and discernment.”
Black noted churches often deal with homosexuality in haste, whereas other sinners – divorcees, adulterers, fornicators, pornographers, gossips – rarely find themselves so quickly going through the discipline process.
“Where is the restoration committee?” asks Black. “Discipline should lead to a restoration process . . . but it is rarely put in place. And these are our brothers and sisters.”
And, according to Bob Stith, National Strategist for Gender Issues for the Southern Baptist Convention, our “brothers and sisters” are part of a large circle of Christians impacted by homosexuality.
“I developed a graphic several years ago that I use a lot,” said Stith. “If you factor in a mom and dad, two siblings, two or three close relatives, two or three close friends, you’re looking at between 30 to 50% of the population. That is one of the reasons we’re losing the culture war. We don’t minister to those people and many of them turn to gay groups for support.”
The compassion of action
Being transparent about my years of struggling with homosexual temptation and acting out on them allows me now to speak openly about the consequences of this sin on me, my family and my church family. I should have sought more help from Christian brothers; I might have emerged from the darkened path less bloodied and bruised. My desire — like most Christians who struggle with sexual brokenness — was to put a permanent blockade on the path I took.
If you want to love and help those who struggle in your church, even if you don’t know who they are, set aside fear and condemnation and take on honesty and compassion. Here are some ways to get started.
· Have a speaker come to your church to share and begin the openness process. I am willing to speak anywhere. Just go to my website: BridgeBackministries.com and contact me. You can e-mail me directly at thom@bridgebackministries.com or even call me at 405-401-9693.
· Explore the development of a ministry within your church. CrossPower Ministries at Stonegate Fellowship has an excellent video you can view on line at http://www.crosspowerministries.com/. Or, explore and consider obtaining for your church the DVD series entitled Hope for Wholeness. It will do wonders in helping you understand and encourage.
Let the same-sex strugglers in your church family know they don’t have to do it alone and in secret anymore. Let them know you will help.
And, if you’re not ready to take that step, then, for heaven’s sake, at least stop scaring them to death.
God Bless,
Thom
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Great post. Let me make that clear. But, I have just one little fly in the ointment: “””But you know . . . it may not be their fault either.””””
It is easy when we seek to be compassionate to make excuses for peoples’ choices. If it is not “their” fault, who’s is it? God’s? Don’t think so. The Devil’s? Only according to Flip Wilson. One’s neighbor? Sounds like just shifting the blame.
Sin is “my” fault. It is always “my” fault. As you say, if I admit it is “my” fault, I am choosing a path out, not a cultural hand-out.
Yes, sin is (in one sense) my fault. But Romans 6 also talks of sin as a form of slavery over which we have no control.
I think it is one of those both/and things.
Frank,
I use the word “may” loosely. I do know that many men and women who find themselves in certain sinful situations can point to definite causes which opened the door . . . but I 100% agree that when we become aware of the sin in our lives, we must make a choice not to sin and to seek whatever help we can to remain steadfast. I know a lot of people who do that, yet remain, for a certain amount of time, in the grip of sin, particularly addictive sin. It takes more than just knowing . . . and we need to be patient as we observe with encouragement the slow repentance.
Dave,
My question is: if sin is not my fault, it has to be someone else fault because sin is “personal,” not just an idea.
I understand what you are getting at with “slavery,” but I think you may be extending the metaphor further than it was intended. It is a “voluntary slavery.” No one has to remain a slave to sin. We can be free anytime we choose to be free–that’s the essence of the gospel it seems to me.
I also understand what Thom is saying about the “struggle” that may go on as we lay aside “besetting sin” (Hebrews 12:2).
I just don’t want to give anyone any “wiggle” room to pass the blame. This is what I was getting at.
Again, if sin is someone’s fault, the only someone that seems to be a likely candidate is “me.” Now, is the Devil happy to oblige me in my indulgence–well certainly. He takes all volunteers.
I don’t think anyone is trying to say we are not culpable for sin. But, we are also under compulsion to sin that makes it impossible for us to resist as well.
We are both the perpretrators and the victims of sin.
I guess we differ as to whether one can resist sinning or not. Perhaps it is just a different way at looking at responsibility
Dave, I do not mean to say we differ as to whether someone is responsible for sin–you admit they are culpable. I’m just not sure about the “impossible” part of resisting.
I’m thinking you might mean that we need God’s grace to even identify our sin, and thereafter to resist our sin. I agree if that is what you are saying.
How would a lost person, without the aid of Christ, resist sin?
Dave, that’s a good question and I think I know how you would answer it. The best way I can answer it is to ask another question?
If a person without Christ cannot resist sin, then how would anyone ever become a Christian?
Is not the essence of salvation rejecting your sin and embracing Christ?
Of course this looks like it could lead to a discussion of the “C” word and floral arrangements, but I do think we agree for the most part.
I would say: a person comes to see Christ for Who He is because of the evidence God has placed in our world for all to see, and that person becomes the Temple of the Holy Spirit.
Now, that person possesses a real power to not only resist sin, but to overcome it.
Is that something like the answer you expected? Is that sort of what you mean by having the power to resist sin?
I’m aware that nearly any explanation of exactly how or when a person is saved (gains resisting) power is going to be subject to endless questions. So, I’m not sure that you will want to respond.
That’s no problem: I think we’re on the same page, just a different sentence.
Frank: “If a person without Christ cannot resist sin, then how would anyone ever become a Christian?”
[12:1] Now concerning spiritual gifts, brothers, I do not want you to be uninformed. [2] You know that when you were pagans you were led astray to mute idols, however you were led. [3] Therefore I want you to understand that no one speaking in the Spirit of God ever says “Jesus is accursed!” and no one can say “Jesus is Lord” except in the Holy Spirit.
(1 Corinthians 12:1-3 ESV)
People become Christians through the regenerating work of the Spirit raising them from spiritual death to spiritual life. That is ultimately what causes someone to hate the sin they love and love the God they hate.
Jeff, no argument here.
The $64,000 question is: does the work of the Holy Spirit apply to a non-believer? When? How? Before? After? Both?
As I said, we cannot know this. What we know is that at some point we are called to “follow Jesus,” and we either obey and are set on a path to victory, or we rebel and continue in slavery to sin.
Either way: it is our decision.
We are all sinful. The sin of a gay person is no worse for righteousness sake than that of a glutton, or gossip. But is it sin, nonetheless.
So instead of looking down our noses at them (espeacially those of us who could shed a few pounds) we ought have mercy and compassion and tell them of the One who died for their sins…and ours.
And do not back down from God’s Word that it is sin. Far too many liberal and “open minded” Christians are in the ‘sin affirmation’ business. We ought never go there.
Repentance and forgiveness. The life of the Christian.
Thanks.
Steve,
I agree with you. Gay-affirming churches are doing great harm under the guise of compassion. When I think of the many men and women who have ceased to struggle against homosexuality because the church has given them cover, it makes me wonder which Bible some of those ministers are reading. Or . . . if they are at all.
I agree we ought to have mercy and compassion for all sinners of all types which includes everyone.
I don’t think that the idea that “all sin is equal” passes the Scriptural muster. God seems to identify homosexuality as especially grievous–in fact, an abomination.
While homosexuality clearly goes against our nature as we were created, gluttony does not. Gluttony is the excess of a natural desire. Homosexuality is an unnatural (Paul’s words, not mine) affection.
I’ve often said in different conversations where the “equality of sins” comes up that I would much rather my daughter encounter a gossip, than a murderer.
Some have said, “But gossip will send you to hell as quick as homosexuality.” That is not a Scriptural statement. Nobody goes to hell for committing gossip, homosexuality, or any other sin.
A peson goes to hell for committing the unpardonable sin, simply meaning a rejection of Jesus Christ and His work (Mk. 3).
Again, I do agree that we should not single out one sinner’s problem as worse than our own. But, it may not be the Christians singling out the homosexuals. It may be the homosexual lobby that has drawn the battle lines and established homosexuality as a “hill to die on.”
Now, in regard to Thom’s post, I think this lobby has complicated ministry to homosexuals as a group. I do not think it has necessarily complicated ministry to homosexual individuals. I’ve been involved in dealing with both subsets of the issue for nearly 30 years.
I find I must deal with the “homosexual movement” differently than I deal with homosexuals. It is a hard line to follow.
Steve, I hit the return button too soon.
I am actually agreeing with you, except for the wording in regard to equality. I’m dealing with the phrase and you seem to use it a bit differently than many.
I think you are clear that we should avoid “sin affirmation” of any kind.
” We are sinners, but we do not know how great.
He alone knows Who died for our sins.”
John Henry Newman
As one who also suffers from same-sex attraction and who is a very conservative Southern Baptist (one of the hidden, silent ones in my church), let me say: the condition of sex attraction is an abomination to God, I am culpable for the choices I make, it is not my fault that I am afflicted, and my choices are compelled and not tempted although temptation is the handmaiden of compulsion. We seem to have a language of category of sin for our lives, especially for homosexuality, and I find it not really helpful to me. Why? Because over the years I have seen into the genesis of my compulsion: a disruption of sexuality by a brutal grandfather against a very little boy, abetted by a mother who herself was hurt by this same grandfather and who not only failed to protect her little boy but also took him in her weakness. I see the condition of same sex attraction as a brokenness and creational disordering wrought by evil. As such it has a power that is more than compulsion; it is a condition that subverts the better order of creation established by God. Thus, in a sense, it is a greater sin than gluttony because of its formulation and direction: it seeks nothing less than my being torn (not tempted) away from God. While I understand the limits of my flesh as I encounter the general sin of this world, in this particular aspect of my sinful life, this “sin” is one that was directly wrought by the power of the Adversary. What happened to me altered my creation, disordering it into a cruel mockery of God’s good design for me. What is alluring about same sex attraction is that if I succumb, I find a sort of surrogate peace in surrender to the evil that brought it about. This is the paradox that so many people fail to understand: if I should act on my disorder, I find a sort of peace that mirrors the peace of God. That this peace is illusory and an open invitation to surrender to the evil done to me brands it as an awful and counterfeit “peace” and, I believe, is surely why God clearly calls it an abomination. It is. So what I struggle against is, in a sense, the unseen principalities of this world, and that I do so alone in my church is a failure of grace, vision and love. God has never left me alone, never rejected me, never turned his back on me, lets me speak openly and honestly with him all of the time, and pushes me beyond what I think are the limits of my power over this thing into a place where love and death seem to hold hands. My condition has brought me closer to God than I could ever imagine and it is only in His power that I can fight. There is hope, but it is a long-suffering, never-ending struggle that would be better fought in the open. Perhaps if we understood the power and implacable hatred of the Adversary better, we would treat our brethren more like wounded warriors instead of stinking carcasses.
Baptistjim,
Having taken a similar journey from the child abuse forward, I read your words as if I could have written them myself. It is truly amazing how open God is to our plight and condition, while at the same time those whose sincere heart’s desire may be to be like Him can be so closed and unapproachable. Thank you for walking with Him through what, as you said, is often “a long-suffering, never-ending struggle that would be better fought in the open.” I remain hopeful that through the persistent sharing of truth, a church here and there will set aside fear and provide some of that openness. I’m not giving up on that idea, though I’ve not seen a major movement in that direction . . . yet.
How open? Do you think it would be helpful for everyone in the church to know your struggle with homosexual attraction? Perhaps the elders/pastor should know, but I don’t see any good that could come from everyone in the church knowing your struggle. For that matter, I would say that not everyone needs to know about eachother persons’ sin regardless of what those sins are, unless of course they become public.
I’m just trying to figure out what you mean, when you say, “never-ending struggle that would be better fought in the open.” How open are you looking for?
That’s a great question to invite clarification. Most men and women who struggle with a sexual problem of any kind — homosexuality, pornography addiction, heterosexual lust — don’t need or want to be transparent. They want help and encouragement and accountability. The church has not been a safe place for that, so most who struggle with homosexuality end up looking for a para-church organization or, eventually, even a pro-gay church. If a church was able to make it clear that the pastor or a designated church leader was actually familiar enough with the subject and able to provide support, many would take them up on that under the privacy afforded anyone else who comes to a pastor for help. I have always said I would have been overjoyed to have overcome my struggle with absolutely no one knowing.
This leads to the second reality. Sometimes a struggler’s issue becomes known and he is ostracized or singled out within the church. Usually the sin is magnified because the sinner is branded as not just a homosexual, but a dishonest man, adulterer, failed parent, deceptive brother, and, in some of the more ignorant circles, he becomes a suspected pedophile by default.
I don’t think we need to be open to everyone, but we do need someone to whom we can be open, someone who is safe and unafraid.
The whole thing about ‘Church’ is that a person who struggles and suffers is no longer ‘alone’ . . .
nor is he ‘singled out’ and pointed to as someone with a special kind of problem.
His problem has become the problem of all, and his suffering is now being shared by all. The Church is now his family and will not leave him to bear his burdens in isolation, but will received him as being ‘one’ with them bound together in Christ.
reformedsteve,
By “open” I do not mean that it is necessary to inform every living soul in church of my condition. I view church as a family and a community. I have been in my church for almost 20 years and I know some people well, some casually, and some not at all. I am also visible, a leader and teacher. There are struggles in the lives of those I know, and who know me, and I can either pray for them (indirect) or God can have me move into their lives and offer help, comfort, steadfastness, love, and accountability (direct). In either event, I am involved because of our shared relationship in Christ. What I mean by “open” is it would be nice if I could ask for prayer; it would be even nicer if I could just tell someone the truth (not the details, just the condition) and be the recipient of love and accountability. Or I could give my testimony which I cannot do right now because of what I hear. For example, when the issue of homosexuality comes up in discussion in Sunday School, the tone of the class immediately changes. There is a certain hardening of voice and the descriptions get harsh. I hear all too quickly that someone like me is an “abomination” (as opposed to having a condition which is an abomination to God) or someone who ought to be expunged from the human community. Conservative Southern Baptists have been stung by what is happening in the world, especially in response to the so-called “gay rights movement”, and they react harshly towards homosexuals. It would be nice to give them some insight into the struggle to perhaps help them see that there might be room for love to take root. I also know that my witness is impaired because if I openly testify to what God has done, is doing, and will be doing for me, I will suddenly become someone suspect, a “thing separate from the earth” (to use a term by Edgar Lee Masters). I can see the outlines of ministry in my struggle but dare not openly show it for fear of what it will do. And I am not the only one afraid; my wife is terrified of what might happen. My wife was given to me by God and we share what goes on with each of us. She knows my struggle but begs me not to tell anyone in church. There is lots of talk about how we “hate the sin but love the sinner” but we just cannot seem to pull it off. That is what I mean by “open”.
In His love,
Jim
For what it is worth, if you were a member of the flock gave me, I would want you to tell me.
reformedsteve:
If you were my pastor, I just might. It might be helpful to me if you would tell me why you would want to know.
Jim
Baptist Jim, I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your story. Thank you.
Dave,
I come here every day. Knowing your heart as I have seen it, your words are a blessing to me. Thank you.
Jim
The thing that breaks my heart in all of this is not only the pain and suffering many people go through, but that the very people that should be helping broken people find Christ are the very ones who use opportunities like this to say “thank God I’m not like that homosexual over there.”
I see broken people every day, that isn’t even really the issue for me – we’re all broken, and at that point, it’s just a matter of how many pieces we are in. But to see broken people who have been broken more by “church people” really makes me mad.
I’m a “church person”. I’m screwed up and broken. I’m in no position to fix anyone – sure, I may be able to numb the pain, but I can’t perform the necessary surgery. However, I do know the only guy who can.
And woe to me if I replace Him.
Just the courage to share that face-to-face with a person who struggles with homosexual temptation is a powerful step. The initial reaction, “thank God I’m not like that homosexual over there,” is valid. Going “over there” to love him or her is active.
I know it is unpopular to say, but I think many people who bemoan the awful treatment homosexuals receive from churches paint with way too broad a brush.
It is easy to blame the church for all society’s ills. But, blame shifting is not only a biased, undocumented proposition, it also dooms those who need the truth the most.
After being the midst of the homosexual revolution for over three decades, I have found most Christians (certainly not all) and most churches (certainly not all) to be leading the way in delivering the “truth in love.”
Of course, I’ve not documented my anecdotal experience with statistical research, but I have a strong suspicion the Church of Jesus Christ is still the most likely place to find “grace and truth” (Jn. 1:14).
Frank,
While I am critical of the church’s overall efforts — partly from personal experience and from hearing face-to-face from many others — I have always maintained that the church is the only answer and the only hope. Everyone else has pretty much given up and given in to the homosexual agenda. That agenda does not represent most strugglers at all. However, the broad brush with which many in the church paint precludes that it does. When someone confesses homosexual temptation or, even worse, having given in to it, the church often makes assumptions that are totally invalid about that person. Many who struggle have never been a part of the homosexual lifestyle or agenda.
What you mention above as “the awful treatment” is not necessarily the problem. The silent treatment is more likely, as well as a great resistance to equipping anyone within the church on how to address these issues. I’m sure some pastors are equipped, but most only equip themselves with a referral number to send the church member elsewhere for help. Some don’t even do that.
Yes, there is a sharing of the truth in love by some, and perhaps that’s growing as they see we are losing this battle to a determined culture. The rest are satisfied to let the abomination word roll off the wagging tongue.