1) You open each service with “These are my deacons, I am who they say I am, I can do what they say I can do…”

2) At least three times a week someone says to you “I noticed your car was at your house.”

3) The phrase “But we’re a loving church” is the church’s unofficial motto.

4) When someone in your church has their picture in the paper it will be pinned to the bulletin board.

5) You have two revivals a year. The Pastor gets to pick the speaker for one and the deacons get to pick the speaker for the other.

6) You have more deacons than widows.

7) You have more deacons than windows.

8) The budget committee just whites out the dates on last years budget and runs off copies for the new year.

9) There is a woman in the church that you are deathly afraid of.

10) You have two people you consider friends at the church. One of them is in the third grade.

11) When the phone rings you’re just praying you don’t hear the words “Preacher I need to get in the church.”

12) You have a church van…YOU have a church van.

13) You have to plan your vacation around VBS.

14) You are regularly volunteered by a specific person in your church without being asked first.

15) There is a man in the church that once said to you “Preacher, do you know how much money I give to this church?”

16) Most of the charter members seats are marked with small blankets in the sanctuary.

17) A couple of times a year someone wants to sing a country music song as a special.

18) The congregation appears to double in size when the choir comes down.

19) Your wife strategically plans her grocery store trips so she doesn’t run into as many church members.

20) There is a weekly spot in your bulletin that reads “The flowers in the sanctuary were given in memory of…”

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16 April by Mike Bergman

Some things I’ve learned in ten years of being a pastor…

4 comments

May 8, 2014 will mark 10 years to the day that I first started pastoring a church (the tiny, almost middle of nowhere Conway Community Church near South Boston, IN—the more I reflect back, especially when it came to my preaching, the more I feel sorry for those poor congregants!). I will actually be celebrating […]

15 April by Rick Patrick

Pick a Number and Fix the Cooperative Program, Part One of Three

103 comments

The magician says, “Pick a number—any number,” before identifying it and astonishing the crowd. Like the Cooperative Program itself, the trick is simple, marvelous and works like magic, but only if someone bravely decisive truly does pick a number, and lately, any Southern Baptist doing so has drawn heavy rounds of not so friendly fire. […]

15 April by Andy Hynes

Do you know these men??

8 comments

Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers As we recently viewed the first five ecumenical councils from a distance, I want to take a closer look at some influential men from that time. The men that lived during the time of the Council of Nicaea through the late 400’s are referred to as the Nicene and Post-Nicene Church […]

14 April by Dave Miller

Pastors and Discontent: Should It Really Be Like This?

37 comments

I read an article today by Matt Boswell from Redemption Church, called, “10 Things Pastors Hate to Admit Publicly.” I had two distinctive reactions when I read the post. Wow! How did he get inside my head? No Way! It shouldn’t be this way when you are privileged to serve Jesus Christ as a leader […]

14 April by Jared Wellman

WHAT NOAH TEACHES US ABOUT EASTER, AND ABOUT OURSELVES

4 comments

Most recently I invited Bill Watson, Criswell College’s Director of Institutional Effectiveness and Research, to preach our Palm Sunday service. Bill is a two time graduate of the Criswell College and is working on his PhD at the University of Texas in Dallas. Bill preached on Noah, which wasn’t inspired by the recent movie of the same […]

14 April by Mike Leake

Why I Don’t Typically Pray For a Hedge of Protection

22 comments

“Lord, we pray that you put a hedge of protection around this family.” I’ve had something similar prayed over me before. And I really appreciate it. But I have a confession to make. The phrase “hedge of protection” makes me laugh. You see, I’m a child of the 80’s and 90’s. When I hear the […]

12 April by Jared Wellman

THE UNBIBLICAL CALLING OF THE PASTOR

14 comments

How would you respond if asked, “What does Dr. Pepper taste like?” It’s hard to answer, because Dr. Pepper’s taste is the result of a blend, a marvelous blend mind you, of 23 flavors. And while the blend of flavors for this “DP” is outright amazing, there is another “DP” whose blend of flavors is downright stressing. […]

11 April by Dave Miller

Response to Dr. Nathan Finn, Part 2: Who Can Respond? (by Dr. Eric Hankins)

264 comments

Dr. Eric Hankins is the Senior Pastor of First Baptist Church, Oxford, Mississippi. He is the author of the much-discussed Traditionalist Statement and was central to the Calvinism Task Force appointed by Dr. Page, which reported at the Houston Annual Meeting. Part 1 can be found here.  In my first post responding to Nathan Finn’s essay […]

10 April by Dave Miller

A Word about SBC Voices: Why Did You Post That? Why Do You Let HIM Comment?

23 comments

Recently, I was reading through some of my old posts here, especially those right after I assumed the official position of Chief Mugwump of SBC Voices on September 13, 2010 (my birthday!). My philosophy and commenting policies have gone through quite a bit of (shield your ears) evolution over that time. I’ve never completely figured […]

10 April by Mike Leake

Why I Care Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle I Am

5 comments

Apparently, if I were a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle I would be Raphael. Yep, you guessed it, I got sucked into one of those ridiculous quizzes on Facebook that I’m certain is some form of a ponzi scheme. Thankfully, I was able to restrain myself and not take the quiz which would have identified which […]

10 April by Jared Moore

20 Ways to Poison the Monsters He Loves: A Training Manual for Demons

4 comments

In order to poison the monsters He loves, the ones He calls men and even “children,” here are 20 things you must lead our slaves–and His–to do. . .

9 April by Dave Miller

SBC Voices NCAA Tourney Challenge: Congrats to Karl Mealor

7 comments

The NCAA Bracket Challenge has come and gone for another year. This year’s winner is Karl Mealor. Ben Stratton made a strong run through the “Trail of Blood” in the Final Four, but Karl would not be denied. He picked three of the four Final Four teams correctly. However, he did not see the Connecticut […]